[sierra's momma]

I am looking for some suggestions for dealing with power struggles and screaming with my 4 ½ yo daughter. Here are some examples of the problems I am having:

She wanted to go outside on a freezing day in her princess dress, I calmly explained it is my job to keep her healthy and she would get sick if she went outside in a dress. I know the logical consequence would be to let her go out and get cold, but we are going to visit her terminally sick Grandmother next week, I don't want my daughter to get sick. She SCREAMED "you can't tell me what to do, I'm going out side". I ended up holding her down and telling her I loved her but she needs to listen to me, I'm her mother.

Today I asked her to eat lunch (she will be busy playing and not eat and then get really hungry and grumpy) she wouldn't. I told her we were going to have to make a new rule, we eat lunch after preschool. She SCREAMED "I won't eat it and you can't tell me what to do!" What do when your child screams at you. I said " That hurts my ears and my feelings when you scream at me, I'm going into another room". She cried and then I heard her going out of the house (front yard). She always says she wants to live with someone else when she is mad at me. I went outside and said, "You cannot go outside without telling me, it is not safe" and carried her in kicking and crying.

I know the best way to deal with power struggles is to avoid them. But I can't avoid them all. We have had lots of tantrums in the past, but overall she listens to me. She isn't listening now. And she is screaming at me. Any suggestions.

 

[skreader]

IMHO it sounds like you're doing pretty well. She's testing the boundaries and your are being kind but firm.

With my kids, we had a general rule/practice that no one was allowed to shout or scream and if you want to, you have to do it in your own room w/ the door shut. So, if my son was starting to lose it, we would say "You can shout in your room & come out when you're calm" and escort him there if he wouldn't go.

Keep calm, yo

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Quote:

Originally Posted by sierra's momma I am looking for some suggestions for dealing with power struggles and screaming with my 4 ½ yo daughter. Here are some examples of the problems I am having: She wanted to go outside on a freezing day in her princess dress, I calmly explained it is my job to keep her healthy and she would get sick if she went outside in a dress. I know the logical consequence would be to let her go out and get cold, but we are going to visit her terminally sick Grandmother next week, I don't want my daughter to get sick. She SCREAMED "you can't tell me what to do, I'm going out side". I ended up holding her down and telling her I loved her but she needs to listen to me, I'm her mother. Today I asked her to eat lunch (she will be busy playing and not eat and then get really hungry and grumpy) she wouldn't. I told her we were going to have to make a new rule, we eat lunch after preschool. She SCREAMED "I won't eat it and you can't tell me what to do!" What do when your child screams at you. I said " That hurts my ears and my feelings when you scream at me, I'm going into another room". She cried and then I heard her going out of the house (front yard). She always says she wants to live with someone else when she is mad at me. I went outside and said, "You cannot go outside without telling me, it is not safe" and carried her in kicking and crying. I know the best way to deal with power struggles is to avoid them. But I can't avoid them all. We have had lots of tantrums in the past, but overall she listens to me. She isn't listening now. And she is screaming at me. Any suggestions.

 

[Surfacing]

OMG this sounds like my house except my daughter is 3.5 y.o.

I think you're handling it well. I think it's about testing boundaries. Oops baby woke, more later.

 

[mamaUK]

I have a very headstrong little girl and something i have been trying lately which seems to be working is acknowledging their feelings. This is the example from this morning:
her day bought her cup of milk in and she went into meltdown b/c it was the wrong cup. So i got down to her level and gave her a hug and stroked her back and said 'I know you must be feeling really upset right now b/c you wanted a different cup but another morning you can have the cup you wanted' i cuddled her for about one and a half minutes, she calmed down and then five minutes later she drank her milk. So maybe in the example you gave maybe you could try hugging her (difficult i know if she is screaming down your ear) and stroke her back and say 'i know you feel angry and upset that you can't go out in your princess dress but maybe when its warmer and the sunshine is out you can go out and play in your princess dress' If her crying and screaming starts to calm down a bit, quickly move on to something else to distract her. Maybe try singing a silly song, or even wispering one (they will usually quieten down to hear what you are singing). Just an idea anyway. Let us know how it goes.

 

[mamaUK]

oh yeah, my girl is 3.5 yrs old.

 

[mamaduck]

I wonder if it might be helpful to teach her some negotiating skills.

I found age 4 to be a perfect time to teach lessons about problem solving. For instance, in the first scenerio, you could say something like, "We have a problem. You really want to go outside in your princess dress, and I really want you to be warm and cozy when you play outside. How can we solve this problem to make both of us happy?" Then brainstorm some solutions. Encourage her to make suggestions and listen to all of them (however silly they may seem.) You can do this with lots of different types of conflicts or issues, and its an excellent skill to teach.