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as far as the choices thing, don't wear yourself out. give her the red jacket to wear, but then if she says she'd rather wear yellow then fine. ask her to wash her hands, but if she says she'd rather wait five minutes then fine. kwim? forget the whole choices, thing...just allow her to make another choice if she's so voices.

and so far as the other power struggles, pick your battles!!!!

books: kids, parents, and power struggles
liberated parents, liberated children
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