[OwensMa]

I thik I know the answer to my questions, but I'd like to have some ideas from other Mums who've experienced PPD. I was diagnosed with PPD at 4.5mos PP. I weaned of Effexor 75mg, and I've been off it for a month or so. It wasn't pleasant. Of late, I've been feeling really down. It's similar to what I felt before, except I now know I'm a good Mum to DS. He's so happy and healthy. On the other hand, I feel that he's the only one who loves/needs me, despite being told otherwise. I feel like DH doesn't deserve to put up with my mood swings. I feel : inadequate, unworthy of being loved, guilty. I push DH away when he tries to help, blame things on him when I know they're my fault/doing. As a person, I feel like a failure. Like I said, I know I'm a good Mum for DS, but I'm also worried that someone as loony and messed up as me might, in turn, ruin him. Quesion: Do I go back on Effexor? I don't like feeling like this. I also want to have another baby (whenever nature blesses us), but I don't feel like I deserve one

 

[OwensMa]

Still feeling very, very down. Having bad thoughts. I have an appointment on
Jul 5. I feel very alone and haven't anyone who understands PPD.

 

[EllasMama]

Owensma, I am sorry that you are having a rough time and also sorry that it looks like your original post got overlooked. I hope that didn't make you feel unsupported, I'm sure it just was an oversight.

I would say definitely go back on the Effexor if that helped you. (I assume you weaned off it b/c you were feeling better.) I'm really glad to hear you've set up an appointment in just a few days, that is a good proactive step that you took.

How old is your DS? You might want to consider putting off having another child a bit if your DS is still pretty young. From what I see in my friends, it's quite a hard toll on the physical and mental self to have two young children, so when you're already struggling with PPD you might want to wait. Not to mention that they get harder and harder to chase, LOL!

I'm sorry you don't feel worthy of being loved. I can tell from your post that you know on some level that isn't true, but I also know that the feeling is very real and painful. Try not to worry about your mood swings being hard on your DH. Depression is a real disease and mood swings are a real byproduct -- one shouldn't feel bad about the nasty symptoms of cancer bothering their loved ones, and neither should you feel bad about the nasty symptoms of PPD. Just remind yourself that if you COULD help them, you WOULD. We none of us wished for this to happen to us, but it did, just like any other illness.

Would you be willing to try positive affirmations? You could just pick one along the lines of "I am worthy of receiving love" and force yourself to repeat it day after day. If you've never done anything like that before, I will tell you, at first the voices inside you will mock you and scream "No you aren't!" in response. But if you repeat it for long enough, those voices will fade and your conscious and unconscious self will begin to take in the message. It takes dedication to do it day after day. I've been trying to work up the strength to undertake one or two affirmations myself, so I thought I'd throw the idea out.

I send you warm thoughts, and peace, and hugs.

Carol

 

[OwensMa]

Thank you Carol, for your words of support. Re. the positive affirmations, I will give that a sincere attempt. You've somehow hit the nail right on the head; it is exactly what I need to tell myself (but I won't get into my childhood family dynamics). Re. having another baby, it's merely something I feel anxious about. If we are blessed with another baby, I should feel so lucky (I was unable to conceive DS without fertility tx).
Thank you again,

 

[wysmom]

Owensma. Sorry you're feeling down. Effexor has the shortest half life of all the antidepressants. This causes severe withdrawl effect when you go off. That effect can include a worse feeling of depression. If you want to go back on antidepressants try prozac which has a longer half life. Prozac has also been studied the most during pregnancy and breast feeding. My psychiatrist prescribes prozac for pregnant moms who need it and my ob/gyn prefers it over the others if you need to take an antidepressant. Don't feel bad if you have difficulty going off. It's better to be a happy mom than a depressed one.