PPD symptoms not under control

It is upsetting to feel distant from your dd. It's such a vulnerable time after the birth of ds, hormones all over the place, chemical imbalance... what you feel now will not last forever. Just because you're feeling less patience (which is SO COMMON btw) and disconnection right now doesn't mean it will always be like this.

A few thoughts: (1) Sometimes a small change can make a big difference - don't expect your feelings to change overnight. If you want to do something to bond with dd, how about something small, as simple as blowing bubbles for her? Taking her out for ice cream? She will most likely appreciate it, her gratitude and joy might help you feel closer to her. Small steps in the right direction are encouraging. (2) Can you get help with childcare right now? Even one or two days a week of preschool/daycare would give her stimulation and give you a break. Again, sometimes small changes can make a huge difference.

I also encourage you to keep exploring the meds. Have you been on Zoloft before?

Well first of all I am working on my diet. I want to improve the things I eat. I gave up Fast food for lent and I plan on not eating it as much now. I have a major sweet tooth. I get practically no exercise. We have been walking a little more when the weather is nice. I do enjoy going to the gym but I can never get there. I am getting great sleep (thank god!) My ds has been great and only wakes up once a night. I have been to the therapist a couple times. I feel like I'm not being completely honest though. It's hard to open up, and these feelings come and go in waves so i think maybe she hasn't seen the worst of it.

I haven't been on Zoloft before but I think I should have had something. I have always had really bad mood swings and sadness, and feelings of inadequacy. I took a break about a month ago and spent a couple days with my mom. She was telling my that some people just don't make enough Seritonin. I think that might be me.

i agree that some form of exercise, where you get your heartrate up will definitely help with boosting serotonin. also, you might try adding an EFA/omega/orDHA supplement to your diet. here's what i found as far as foods to help balance the mood etc.

The five foods for beating depression that i just googled so you might continue a search:

Fish oils: Contain omega-3 fatty acids. Research has shown that depressed people often lack a fatty acid known as EPA. Participants in a 2002 study featured in the Archives of General Psychiatry took just a gram of fish oil each day and noticed a 50-percent decrease in symptoms such as anxiety, sleep disorders, unexplained feelings of sadness, suicidal thoughts, and decreased sex drive. Omega-3 fatty acids can also lower cholesterol and improve cardiovascular health. Get omega-3s through walnuts, flaxseed and oily fish like salmon or tuna.

Another top food for delivering imega-3 fatty acids is chia, and we currently recommend two sources for chia seeds:

Good Cause Wellness
IntegratedHealth.com

Brown Rice: Contains vitamins B1 and B3, and folic acid. Brown rice is also a low-glycemic food, which means it releases glucose into the bloodstream gradually, preventing sugar lows and mood swings. Brown rice also provides many of the trace minerals we need to function properly, as well as being a high-fiber food that can keep the digestive system healthy and lower cholesterol. Instant varieties of rice do not offer these benefits. Any time you see "instant" on a food label, avoid it.

Brewer's Yeast: Contains vitamins B1, B2 and B3. Brewer's yeast should be avoided if you do not tolerate yeast well, but if you do, mix a thimbleful into any smoothie for your daily dose. This superfood packs a wide assortment of vitamins and minerals in a small package, including 16 amino acids and 14 minerals. Amino acids are vital for the nervous system, which makes brewer's yeast a no-brainer for treating depression.

Whole-grain oats: Contain folic acid, pantothenic acid and vitamins B6 and B1. Oats help lower cholesterol, are soothing to the digestive tract and help avoid the blood sugar crash-and-burn that can lead to crabbiness and mood swings. Other whole grains such as kamut, spelt and quinoa are also excellent choices for delivering brain-boosting nutrients and avoiding the pitfalls of refined grains such as white flour.

Cabbage: Contains vitamin C and folic acid. Cabbage protects against stress, infection and heart disease, as well as many types of cancers, according to the American Association for Cancer Research. There are numerous ways to get cabbage into your diet; toss it in a salad instead of lettuce, use cabbage in place of lettuce wraps, stir fry it in your favorite Asian dish, make some classic cabbage soup or juice it. To avoid gas after eating cabbage, add a few fennel, caraway or cumin seeds before cooking. Cabbage is also a good source of blood-sugar-stabilizing fiber, and the raw juice of cabbage is a known cure for stomach ulcers.

Also worth mentioning: Foods like raw cacao, dark molasses and brazil nuts (high in selenium) are also excellent for boosting brain function and eliminating depression. Get raw cacao and brazil nuts at Nature's First Law. Another source for cacao is Navitas Naturals.

Things to avoid

If you feel you are depressed or at risk for depression, you also need to avoid certain foods and substances. Some commonly prescribed drugs -- such as antibiotics, barbiturates, amphetamines, pain killers, ulcer drugs, anticonvulsants, beta-blockers, anti-Parkinson's drugs, birth control pills, high blood pressure drugs, heart medications and psychotropic drugs -- contribute to depression. If you are taking any of these, don't quit them without talking to your doctor; but be aware that they may be contributing to your condition by depleting your body of depression-fighting vitamins and minerals.
You should also avoid caffeine, smoking and foods high in fat and sugar. Keeping your blood sugar stable and getting B vitamins is important for stabilizing your mood. Cacao can be good for mood because it releases endorphins in the brain, but watch out for milk chocolate and candy varieties high in sugar.

Other non-food things to do

Get plenty of sunshine. Natural sunlight is a proven cure for depression.
Engage in regular exercise at least three times per week. Exercise lifts and mood and alters brain chemistry in a positive way.
Experience laughter. It's good medicine.
Take a quality superfood supplement to get even more natural medicine from the world of plants.

hope this helps a bit!

I just want to add that if you don't have a PSYCHIATRIST, it might be a good time to get one. 75 mg of Zoloft is barely above the starter dose. (50 mg is the minimum therapeutic dose, if I remember correctly.) You definitely still have symptoms of PPD (the anger/disconnectedness toward your older child is one of those symptoms, by the way). I know more than one person who was on 200+ mg of Zoloft. You've got a lot of room to go.

I was on Paxil, but it had to be a really high dose after dd was born. Thankfully I had a psych who knew what she was doing and worked with me to get what I needed. I was at 80 mg of Paxil (paxil is dosed differently than Zoloft, so you can't compare the mgs). I'm down to 30 now, and planning on going down to 20 in the next year. Dd is turning 5 by the way, so I've been on my SSRI for a good while.

Keep up with the therapy, follow the recs other people gave re: food and outside time especially. Talk to your doctor about your meds.

You will feel connected to both kids, it will just take some time.