First off prayers for you and your son. Secondly, I know what you feel about the bonding. I still don't feel completely bonded to my daughter and she's 7 months old, 4 months adjusted now. It HAS gotten better, but baby steps. She has severe reflux and delayed gastric emptying and is in pain ALOT so she screams and cries alot. I so want her to be healthy and happy, but it's also hard to be around the incessant crying. I felt and still do very empty. I had to stop nursing (she had issues nursing anyways) because I had to go on medication for depression which were contraindicated for nursing. I feel like this has alot to do with my bonding issues ans dare i say "resentment" Hang in there. It does get easier and you will be in my prayers!