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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
After 2 years of ttc dh and I finally concieved on my first round of clomid (my first dd was concieved first month of ttc). So I am now 32 weeks pregnant and I think I'm still feeling weird about this pregnancy- due to the infertility experience. Its like I just can't quite own the pregnancy- I feel thrilled to be pregnant- I love to feel the baby move- we've picked a name and gotten all the basic baby stuff now- but it just feels "off". Even though I have the basics- I am just not nesting for this baby- washing the little clothes and stuff just makes me feel sad- not the normal excited..... I just can't explain it. In some weird way its like this baby doesn't feel like mine the way my first child did....<br><br>
Has anyone btdt? Tell me you have and that all was fine after baby arrived.
 

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I have been there and done that... I don't think I really believed that we were going to come home with a baby until we were actually AT HOME with the baby, my whole birth and pregnancy experience was completely surreal. It's completely OK, though. It's really hard to seperate the conception experience and the pregnancy, and totally logical to think that if one was hard and frought with loss and pain that the other one will be too. Even though it's completely untrue.<br><br>
It doesn't exactly go away -- I still got sad when it was time to pack away the little diapers and clothes, because I felt like it was an experience that I'd fought so hard for and might never have again. Honestly, I think that the sadness is part of the healing process. Be gentle with yourself, and let yourself feel what you need to feel without judgement. Your baby knows he's loved and wanted, and that's whats important.<br><br>
*hugs*
 

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I totally hear you. We tried for 8 years, and then got pregnant with the first IUI. At 7 months, I do finally believe I'm pregnant (mostly because I have a baby who loves to kick me), but I find I'm still very sensitive to infertility related questions and comments. Some lady who works in the same building as me said the other day "you guys waited a long time, didn't you?", and I went back to my office fuming. No, we didn't "wait". It wasn't a choice. And just exactly how ****ing old do you think I am??!<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/winky.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Wink"> I also find I have this fear about being too excited about it- like I don't want to rub it in to anyone in case they're having trouble conceiving.<br>
It's a difficult adjustment, even though it's a good one. We've spent years of our lives reacting to infertility, and all those feelings don't go away just because we're pregnant. Our knee-jerk reaction is still one of someone whose trying to get pregnant. It doesn't mean don't love our babies. I'm totally facinated by mine (and it isn't even born yet), but really 9 months isn't a lot of time, definately not enough time to be "over" all the feeling you accumulated trying to get pregnant.
 

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Discussion Starter · #4 ·
Thanks ladies- its good to know I'm not just crazy.<br><br>
Belleweather- I think its also not going to feel real to me until the baby is actually here and healthy- but its good to hear others felt that way and the baby did arrive healthy and all that!<br><br>
Congratulations on your pregnancies- both of you!
 

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Hi mommas,<br><br>
I had the infertility with the first and I think bceause of the pain of it I was really scared to begin trying again and I have had a hard time bonding with this pregnancy. I am now 12 weeks and just getting used to the idea, I guess I figured it would be taken from me because it was to easy. It happened faster for us this time ,thank God because I don't know if I could have gone thru the pain and emptiness every month again. I think it is normal to greive for the babies that never were and it can sometimes block us from truley experiencing the baby we have. It will be real when you have that beautiful little gift in your arms. congrats mommas on all your little angels.
 

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I think you've all hit it on the nose. This pg has been a struggle. I wanted this baby so bad and when it finally happned I had trouble feeling good about it. It doesn't make a whole lot of sense. But you're right. I'm not going to just get over years of heartbreak as soon as I get that positive pregnancy test. It's been a much slower process. But things keep getting better and easier. I hope this feeling disappears in a couple weeks!
 

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yeah,i felt like that too with the twins, which were conceived on our second try with ivf. despite being huger than huge & feeling the babies move & seeing them kick, it never really felt real.<br><br>
i am 4-1/2 weeks pg now with a surprise spontaneously conceived pregnancy & it totally doesn't feel real.<br><br>
for me the feeling lasted a bit after my girls were born, but it may also have bee conplicated by the fact that fiona was taken to the nicu for observation because she was so small. i literally had to ask people if i could hold her. i felt like they might get taken away from me at any turn. i was also super worried that they weren't genetically mine. it seemed so unlikely that i would get pg at all that i figured they must have given me some other woman's embryos. but you conceived in your own body, so you won't have that worry.<br><br>
the infertility experience screws with your mind and your belief in your body.<br><br>
so i've btdt & it does go away. hopefully for you right after your sweet baby is on your arms. congrats on your pregnancy.
 
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