[Flower of Bliss]

So, yesterday I was at a church function with a collection of people new to the church (I was a member representative). Another woman active in the church congratulated me on my pregnancy, but vaguely enough that I just assumed she meant the pregnancy. I thanked her, and then said something like "I assume you're refering to this one" and patted my belly. She said yes, then she said:

Quote:

Did it take a lot of work?

I looked at her dumbfounded. We were in a room full of people and there were 1 or 2 people standing in a circle with us that I'd never met before that day. This is not a woman I know well. I'd say she's past having kids, but no where near old enough to excuse such a question. I'm 28 and have a 2.5 year old DD. There's no reason to believe I had trouble getting pregnant. And regardless, what a very very tacky thing to ask. I assumed she meant something else ... like was the pregnancy taking a lot out of me or did I expect it to be a lot of work to have a newborn and a toddler...

She followed up with a brief explanation, to which I answered "Yes, this was a planned pregnancy" Not exactly what she was asking, but ....

She followed up AGAIN with "I mean did it take a long time?" when I wasn't answering appropriately. I shrugged and said, "well, I have a 2.5 year old."

How long could it have taken in that context (for the record, about 12 months including fertility treatment, which I'm not usually secretive about at all, but WOW, this line of questioning just blew me out of the water). I don't think she even got that she was being rude at all. She never gave me any idea why she would ask such a question either.

How do you answer a question like that anyway??? Nope, not long at all, we're usually very good at charting to avoid, but one night in November DH and I were so horny we just threw caution to the wind??? We use condoms, but we had such fun that night we ripped one??? Nope, it happened on the first shot, too bad, I was looking forward to months of trying??? What a bizarre thing to ask, especially considering where we were.

 

[slimkins]

I guess if you weren't at a church function, you could have said, "yes, it was hard work with a lot of sweat and physical labor involved!" haha.

you know, I never can think of the right thing to say in the moment, but after the fact great things always come to mind. I notice elderly people are always the most inappropriate with their comments. I don't know if it is their generation or when you get old you loose your manners.

 

[BeagleMommy]

Well, I'm a bit of a sarcastic troublemaker at times, so I probably would have said, "if it seemed like work, you're doing it wrong!" But I probably wouldn't have said that in the setting with strangers. Wow. Maybe just say, "no." None of her business anyway.

 

[Jilian]

That is kind of an odd question to ask someone you are not close to it but I don't really find it offensive. I'd probably just answer honestly. It took me a while to get preg with DS2 and I don't mind sharing info that may possibly help others skip a lot of the trial and error we went through. Is it possible she is dealing with infertility and looking for help or maybe she has a daugter that is? Otherwise I'm not sure why she'd be asking.

 

[spiritedmama]

It is strange but maybe she knows someone who is having problems. It seems that women all around that we know can't get pregnant and have been trying for years. Maybe she has a circle like that too....

 

[luv-my-boys]

Quote:

Originally Posted by BeagleMommy Well, I'm a bit of a sarcastic troublemaker at times, so I probably would have said, "if it seemed like work, you're doing it wrong!" .

...that made me giggle! some people just dont have that inner voice saying....inappropriate

 

[stardust swallower]

For the record, I am also totally irked by the question: was it planned? Why in the world do people ask that?! It seems totally obnoxious to me.

 

[dislocator3972]

I hired into my company when I was about 10 weeks, and my DH already works here so everyone knew I was preggo.

The owner of our very small company stopped by my office about a week after I started to ask how we found out that I was pregnant. I must have given him an odd look while I tried to decide what I'd just heard, because he followed up with, did you miss a period or were you already irregular?

Hi. Nice to meet you. Yes, I was late. Do you need up dates about any of my other internal organs or just the ones near my genitalia?

People are so bizarre!

 

[ApplePieBaby]

I hate getting asked if we planned our pregnancies!
I also get asked all the time if we used fertility drugs because I'm pregnant with twins.

 

[Flower of Bliss]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jilian That is kind of an odd question to ask someone you are not close to it but I don't really find it offensive. I'd probably just answer honestly. It took me a while to get preg with DS2 and I don't mind sharing info that may possibly help others skip a lot of the trial and error we went through. Is it possible she is dealing with infertility and looking for help or maybe she has a daugter that is? Otherwise I'm not sure why she'd be asking.

Yeah, I kept waiting for context for the question. In context, I regularly volunteer information about our fertility treatment to people I'm not close to. However, it's volunteered and in context. I've talked about fertility treatment and BFing, what doctor I was seeing, what methods we used and so on when I thought it might help someone (or with friends in more of a support/sharing our lives context).

This was just so out of context. It's a very personal question, and she didn't even seem to register it as personal. It was such a mixed company group. It just felt like her asking me to reveal random very personal information in front of a group of virtual strangers.

A few minutes later she was telling me about a friend who just had twins and was looking for a nanny (though no mention of how the twins were conceived). I'm venturing a guess that the friend went through fertility treatment and that she was just making conversation

Like I said, I'm rather certain she is past having kids, but she's not nearly old enough to call elderly. She's likely in her 50s.

 

[Jilian]

I think asking if a baby was planned is pretty rude. For some reason that one really bothers me unless it is coming from someone you are very close with and brutally honest with. DH's brother asked that with DS2 and I found it really insulting. Not only did he ask it but he said he just assumed it was an accident (and it wasn't - it took us over 6 mos to get him!)

 

[Turquesa]

"Did it take a lot of work?"
"Why do you ask? Are you having a hard time? I have some tips and some Polaroids that I can share with you."

"Was it planned?"
"Why do you ask? Did your parents plan you?"

Don't try these at home folks (or anywhere else)...

 

[geiamama]

Quote:

Originally Posted by dislocator3972 Do you need up dates about any of my other internal organs or just the ones near my genitalia?

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[RTT]

With my first I was asked that a couple of times and found it so rude that I was so tempted to go the way oversharing route:
"Was it planned??? I'd say overplanned? I mean we just had sex ALL. THE. TIME. I mean- sex, sex, sex! And of course I was tracking my cervical mucus, you know, looking for the eggwhite kind? You look puzzled- want a more detailed description? And of course peeing on sticks all the time- ovulation predictor kits, even the Clear Blue Easy Fertility Monitor. I was a peeing on a stick machine! Guess between all the sex, the right mucus, and the peeing on sticks something must have worked!!"

 

[Cheshire]

My sons were 10lbs 11oz and 9lb 14oz - I get the "did you have them naturally" or "did you have them vaginally" question all the time.

I also can guarantee that any obstetrical health care provider I met for the first time and it comes up during conversation about my children's birth weight that is the first question they ask. Or, "oh, so you had a c-section."

I guess for a health care provider it would make sense to ask but strangers? Really, you want to know how I delivered my children.

Funny thing, after I had my first son each of the nurses on the delivery floor had to come in and see him and meet me. I guess they just don't see women delivery big babies "naturally" very often???

 

[wanderinggypsy]

Nosy people are funny...

The other day in a waiting room a woman actually asked me if in conceiving any of my soon to be four children I ever laid on my back with my legs in the air for a while after DTD.

Crazy people.

 

[HisBeautifulWife]

I would have said with a confused look and a sweet voice, "wait, I'm sorry, are you asking me about what I do with my vagina?"

 

[Talula Fairie]

I wasn't even sure what she meant by her question at first

Yes, that is a totally inappropriate question. I generally don't ask any questions about a person's pregnancy beyond the standard "how far along are you" and maybe "do you know the sex?"

 

[jojojojojo]

If you're at a church function, the best answer for "Was it planned?" is "It was part of God's plan."

Actually, since I have a religious family, that's my pat answer if any of them ask.

 

[Theoretica]

Quote:

"I mean did it take a long time?"

I think I would have just sweetly said....

"Why no, we're usually finishing up within 2-3 hours...why do you ask?"