Mothering Forum banner

1 - 20 of 77 Posts

·
Registered
Joined
·
297 Posts
Discussion Starter · #1 ·
It looks like there are a few of here who have had miscarriages, and i felt like it could be supportive to have a place to chat about our experiences in relation to our current pregnancy.

I'm feeling very aware of all the little body sensations, and practicing a mindful approach, but I am feeling vulnerable- memories of the sad feelings and difficult experiences from my last pregnancy come up.

I've worked to seek out a more empathetic midwife this time. I didn't have much of a personal connection with my last midwife, and hope her care will be more tuned in.

How are you all feeling these early days? How are you supporting yourself?
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,377 Posts
Hello Bruna,

I have been silently following this ddc for the last two weeks. Thank you for opening this thread for the rainbowbaby mamas.

I have had two miscarriages during the last 12 months - one at 12 weeks and one at 13.5. I cannot wait to hear a heartbeat at my 12week appointment. Now, I am 6weeks 4days along with this new little life. Some days I great - I rejoice when I vomit in the mornings - others I feel unsure and weary. I am so hopeful, and then hesitant to let myself hope too much, get invested too much. With my first two children, I had names already selected at this time. Now, I don't really want an early ultrasound - they give so much hope, but then my hope was taken away, when I misscarried.

I try to eat healthy, sleep a lot, go for walks, be mindful, and give this little life all the hope and joy it deserves.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
111 Posts
@bruna and @belltree thanks for starting this thread and for sharing your stories. I think it's really important that more people know how common m/cs are and that we resist this weird cultural norm of keeping m/cs quiet. That said, this is my first time being pregnant and so I don't know what it must be like or what a person would need following a miscarriage. But in hearing the descriptions from you both of your feelings, I think I can at least sympathize.
@belltree I have a stupid question - is there any particular reason to have the early ultrasound, and what is considered early? The reason I ask is that I am changing my health insurance from an HMO to a PPO so that I can have the ob/gyn I want, but it won't kick in until 8/1. At that point I would be 11 wks.

It's funny, over on the trying-to-conceive section everyone talks about the 2 week wait. It's got nothing on this waiting though - this is tough!
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1 Posts
It looks like there are a few of here who have had miscarriages, and i felt like it could be supportive to have a place to chat about our experiences in relation to our current pregnancy.

I'm feeling very aware of all the little body sensations, and practicing a mindful approach, but I am feeling vulnerable- memories of the sad feelings and difficult experiences from my last pregnancy come up.

I've worked to seek out a more empathetic midwife this time. I didn't have much of a personal connection with my last midwife, and hope her care will be more tuned in.

How are you all feeling these early days? How are you supporting yourself?
@bruna, I'm right there with you. I am happy about the news, but extremely nervous, weary, and afraid. To make it worse, my husband will be leaving to go overseas in the next week or two for 3-4 months, so he won't be here for the sono or any issues I might experience. So we're just sitting here waiting for the clock to tick, hoping that everything goes smoothly this time. We're trying to not get too excited, which is sad to think about. This should be exciting, but instead, I'm a basketcase.

Last year I had a m/c and ended up being extremely open about the experience. My husband and I were so excited that I was pregnant that we told a lot of people very early. Then I m/c around 8 weeks and was stuck in a pickle. I had to tell people about it, otherwise they would ask me about my pregnancy... and I didn't want to cry every time someone asked. So I put up the news about my m/c on Facebook. It was very comforting to have the support from my friends, many of whom have gone through the same thing in silence. This time around, we've only told our family and close friends. We want to wait until the first sono at 8wks before telling anyone else.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
297 Posts
Discussion Starter · #5 ·
@nalabear, @belltree- thanks for adding your voice to this thread- we deserve to have our experiences voiced, and i truly believe we help others when we pull back the veil on pregnancy loss- we should not be relegated to the shadows.

Well, as you have both mentioned, I find myself holding back on the announcing.

My symptoms are mild so far. With my first successful pregnancy i had very little morning sickness or exhaustion, but with my miscarried pregnancy I was exhausted and nauseous for a good 8 weeks until the day I miscarried at 12 weeks. So, I could be doing a lot of analysing for signs, positive and negative, if I get feeling insecure. So far I am doing pretty well- working on accepting what is.
i bought a little newborn sleeper after my first meeting with my midwife. I wanted to let myself believe in the possibility of a baby, and that felt good to me.

I'll look forward to hearing more from you both whenever the mood strikes. take good care
@peebs- early ultrasounds are usually for dating, as far as I know, so if you need or want confirmation of dates you may want to do one. i am not doing a dating ultrasound as I have a good idea of when i conceived.
Wish you the best with your pregnancy :)
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,377 Posts
@peebs Early ultrasounds are mostly done for dating. I know my ovulation dates, so no need to do that, plus they can be very inaccurate, especially later on. Early ultrasounds are also done if there is bleeding or other concerns. However, spotting and bleeding does not mean miscarriage, and a beating heart at 6 weeks, might not beat at 8weeks. So, I am staying away from them. At 11weeks I personally would not do a dating ultrasound (my children just don't follow the norm curves), unless I had no idea about my cycles or LMP.

@bruna Thank you for sharing your experience with symptoms during your pregnancy. So interesting how different it can be every time!

@nalabear,
i bought a little newborn sleeper after my first meeting with my midwife. I wanted to let myself believe in the possibility of a baby, and that felt good to me.
What a sweet gesture. Keeping up our hopes is so important.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
280 Posts
I'm just catching up on this thread (after starting the ultrasounds thread). I'm so glad we can all discuss the realities of miscarriages. I haven't had one, but I know many who have, and adding secrecy to all the other pain just makes things worse.

I'm having an early ultrasound because of IVF, but I know it's no guarantee. I've been pessimistic throughout our TTC cycles, so I'm trying to be positive and take a one day at a time approach now.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
146 Posts
@bruna and @belltree thanks for starting this thread and for sharing your stories. I think it's really important that more people know how common m/cs are and that we resist this weird cultural norm of keeping m/cs quiet. That said, this is my first time being pregnant and so I don't know what it must be like or what a person would need following a miscarriage. But in hearing the descriptions from you both of your feelings, I think I can at least sympathize.
@belltree I have a stupid question - is there any particular reason to have the early ultrasound, and what is considered early? The reason I ask is that I am changing my health insurance from an HMO to a PPO so that I can have the ob/gyn I want, but it won't kick in until 8/1. At that point I would be 11 wks.

It's funny, over on the trying-to-conceive section everyone talks about the 2 week wait. It's got nothing on this waiting though - this is tough!
It's not considered a "clinical pregnancy" until a heartbeat is seen on ultrasound. Before that, it's a just a "chemical pregnancy," which isn't actually considered a pregnancy. Fertility clinics want you to do an early ultrasound to confirm your pregnancy, so they can count it in their statistics that they are required to report. I'm thinking eight weeks or earlier is an early ultrasound, but I'm not sure. My doctor didn't say why she is allowing me to do one so early (6 weeks), but I assume that it's just for my peace of mind, since I am at such high risk for miscarriage. There are no guarantees, but once you see a healthy heartbeat, the odds of miscarriage drop to 5-10% (higher in my case because I'm old). I am dying to get a look at what's going on inside there. Until you get that ultrasound, there is no way of knowing is there is even an embryo developing. I think my odds of miscarrying are around 40% at this point, so I can't feel excited about being pregnant.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
4 Posts
Thanks for starting this thread bruna. I had two beautiful babies before suffering a miscarriage going for our third. I feel lucky that it only took a couple of cycles to get pregnant again and I'm so excited about it but am having mixed emotions about who to tell when. My oldest is almost 5 and wants another sibling so badly so we had been waiting on hearing the heartbeat before telling her with the last pregnancy which I guess was good but I'm not sure if I want to wait this time. With my first two pregnancies we told immediate family right away. Did any of you have older children that you had to explain your miscarriage to? How did that go? Would you wait to tell them this time?

thanks
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
103 Posts
Hello Ladies,
I am 37 and waiting to hold my second rainbow baby. I first had a pretty uneventful first pregnancy and gave birth to my now 6-yr-old daughter. Then 4 m/cs followed, all of them pretty early on, so we had not told my DD yet, thankfully. I was diagnosed with APS so I was put on blood thinners, and in 2013, we were thrilled to welcome our rainbow baby boy! Now I am quietly hoping for this last miracle before I am done having babies- or so we planned.

It is so weird how anticlimactic everything becomes once you lost a baby (or more)... I am simply not allowing myself to be excited, in fear of getting too attached- and yet, I am so attached already... I try not to hope, as not to "jinx" it, and yet I am hoping, because we have succeeded once already...

Today I am 7w2d, and I had my second ultrasound. This time we saw a GS, YS and a CRL 8,3 mm (about 0.25 in) baby with a HB. It all looks perfectly normal, but other then a sigh of relief that baby is still alive, I was like blah. It makes me so sad.

I know it will get better the more time passes, if things look okay; that's how it was last time. But right now I just cannot empathize with people on other forums who talk names and nurseries. And I feel so weird when some people panic about how they are scared they might have a m/c even though they are perfectly fine. Maybe I'm mean but I'm just thinking "just try to be happy and excited- you are still able!"

Wishing all the best to all of you here, may we welcome our babies healthy when the time comes!
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,377 Posts
There are no guarantees, but once you see a healthy heartbeat, the odds of miscarriage drop to 5-10% (higher in my case because I'm old). I am dying to get a look at what's going on inside there. Until you get that ultrasound, there is no way of knowing is there is even an embryo developing. I think my odds of miscarrying are around 40% at this point, so I can't feel excited about being pregnant.
It's sad how the medical wording is judgmental. I know I am only treated as suspected pregnancy - the same for my miscarriage at 13 weeks; I miscarried at home, never had an early ultrasound; it was just me that saw a little embryo baby. It made me sad at the time, that the medical community and language did not fully acknowledge that little life.

My oldest is almost 5 and wants another sibling so badly so we had been waiting on hearing the heartbeat before telling her with the last pregnancy which I guess was good but I'm not sure if I want to wait this time. With my first two pregnancies we told immediate family right away. Did any of you have older children that you had to explain your miscarriage to? How did that go? Would you wait to tell them this time?
Both of my children (5 and 3) knew about both miscarriages. I was very nauseas, vomiting daily and so tired. My three year old was so sweet when the miscarriage happened. I woke up at night and had labour-like cramps, and he followed me in the living room, and was just there, very gently and loving. They both were there when we buried the little embryos. So both children know this time around, too.

Otherwise I have only told people that I know will be supportive. For the second miscarriage I had thought not telling anybody is the right thing and it was such a lonely experience, I don't want to do that ever again.


Today I am 7w2d, and I had my second ultrasound. This time we saw a GS, YS and a CRL 8,3 mm (about 0.25 in) baby with a HB. It all looks perfectly normal, but other then a sigh of relief that baby is still alive, I was like blah. It makes me so sad.
:Hug


But right now I just cannot empathize with people on other forums who talk names and nurseries. And I feel so weird when some people panic about how they are scared they might have a m/c even though they are perfectly fine. Maybe I'm mean but I'm just thinking "just try to be happy and excited- you are still able!"

Wishing all the best to all of you here, may we welcome our babies healthy when the time comes!
Thank you. And I love that this thread exists, and we can share our feelings, fears and hopes.


I am just going day by day, I am 7w2d today, getting used to the waiting and still judging all my symptoms, including fretting if my fingernails still keep growing faster, if I am nauseas enough, wondering why I did not vomit, and then being happy that my boobs are sore. :dizzy I keep going back and forth between wanting to see a heartbeat and not wanting to get false hopes. Thinking about that a natural miscarriage sometimes takes several weeks to start after the baby has already died, and what not.

One day at a time.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
146 Posts
It's sad how the medical wording is judgmental. I know I am only treated as suspected pregnancy - the same for my miscarriage at 13 weeks; I miscarried at home, never had an early ultrasound; it was just me that saw a little embryo baby. It made me sad at the time, that the medical community and language did not fully acknowledge that little life.
I can't imagine that a doctor would deny you had a miscarriage when you lost your baby at 13 weeks. Even though you didn't actually have an ultrasound, presumably there was a heartbeat at some point that would have been heard.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
146 Posts
I just started getting mild cramps that feel exactly like menstrual cramps. I am concerned.

I realized that no matter what happen, this pregnancy is going to end in pain. It might be a great deal of physical pain or emotional pain (or both), but at this point there is no easy way for this to end.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
295 Posts
I'm so sorry Laurucha. I'll be thinking of you and hoping for the best. These early weeks of pregnancy are so hard.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
146 Posts
I'm so sorry Laurucha. I'll be thinking of you and hoping for the best. These early weeks of pregnancy are so hard.
Thanks. The cramps died down and there is no blood, so I'm not stressing so much. The ultrasound Monday will help a lot. The limbo of the whole first trimester is not fun!
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,377 Posts
Oh no! Cramps can be so worrisome. Hopefully the ultrasound on
Monday will give you some hope. I am hoping for you that this little one will stick!
 
  • Like
Reactions: Laurucha

·
Registered
Joined
·
295 Posts
I'm so glad the cramps died down, every little twinge can be freaky at this point.

I'm probably not due until March but will hang out here for a bit. I had a miscarriage in September, got pregnant again immediately before a period and then miscarried in November. That m/c has left me crazy though as my body wasn't able to fully expel the pregnancy, and it lasted for 8(ish) weeks. I don't do ultrasounds or dopplers, so right now I'm waiting it out until heartbeat can be heard with a fetoscope at 14 weeks or so - at least that's when they heard my last little one. I have for the first time in pregnancy had betas and progesterone drawn, and they have risen nicely so far and seem high for where I am. I am also very nauseous for this early in pregnancy for me. In my 3 miscarriages (I had one more before my last baby was born) I never felt this sick so I'm taking that as a hopefully good sign. As miserable as I feel, when I'm not feeling bad it makes me feel worse. I'm trying hard to be grateful for these early months of pregnancy and give loads of positive energy to this little life growing inside of me, but there are moments that it is just so hard. I haven't been on Mdc since my last loss so I don't even know if my siggie is up to date because I can't check it mobile.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
14 Posts
I am grateful for this thread too.It is nice to have a place to talk to other mamas who have dealt with the loss and the anxiety of waiting. I just joined this afternoon but I have been lurking and reading threads for a few days now. We had an ectopic pregnancy back in September--unplanned and unexpected as I had an IUD, but so very wanted once we knew. After the endless rounds of blood tests and scans showing nothing I was really hoping this one would be smooth sailing. No such luck. We scheduled an early u/s to check the position of the embryo and rule out another ectopic. My math put me at 7 weeks 4 days that day but the tech said we were measuring a week behind and she could not find a heartbeat with the transvaginal wand. I am vacillating between crushed, hopeful, and angry as we wait for a follow up scan in a week and a half. I too am investing in the small gestures: bid on and won a lot of maternity clothes on Ebay and assuming I will need them. :smile:
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,377 Posts
@darlini76 Waiting and not knowing which way it'll go is so hard. I haven't dared to spend any money on this baby, nor have I unpacked my old maternity clothes... Though I have been thinking of which nursing shawl to knit - it would be so nice to have something to cover the shoulders for this February baby. :)
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
14 Posts
I am knitting too! A blanket. Keeps me from obsessing a bit. Well, it keeps me from googling anyway. As for the clothes, I figure I'll need them eventually either way because we will try again.
 
1 - 20 of 77 Posts
Top