Mothering Forum banner

1 - 12 of 12 Posts

·
Registered
Joined
·
342 Posts
Discussion Starter #1
I am not sure where to post this at. I looked at all the forums, thought maybe personal growth or PPD. I don't think it really fits personal growth since it just happened and I am not PP yet so it doesn't exactly fit there. I just need to talk about this and get it off my chest. Since I am pregnant and that has a little bit to do with the situation (I have some questions regarding that in relation to this event in fact) I decided to put it here. Sorry if it is slightly OT.<br><br>
Saturday my mom, my 22 month old daughter, and I were out shopping and getting ready for new baby when we were in a car wreck. The driver of the other car hit my mom's side (she was driving) and shattered her pelvis. My daughter and I went to the emergency room to get checked out but we escaped with bruises.<br><br>
I hypervenelated when the wreck occured and of course that is not good for baby, so in the back of my mind beneath the sea of other stuff I am worried about that keeps floating up.<br><br>
My DH was working out of town but he came home that night and stayed with me until this morning to make sure I was OK. He really had to go back to work, we need the money in order for him to take paternity leave in a few weeks. I am not OK though. I tried not to let on too much last night so that he would go on and leave and not worry about me. He drove me to the hospital to see my mom and a few other places yesterday and I probably cried a half a dozen times. He drove as cautiously as possible but it freaked me out being in the car at all. Small things kept making me think about my mom and all the pain she is in and I would cry again. I know it has only been a few days but I can't get past this and I feel like I am being irrational.<br><br>
I keep thinking about all of the stuff that could have happened to make it worse and all the things I could have gone back in time to do to stop it from happening at all. I saw every reaction on my little girls face during the wreck. I don't know how. I guess I instinctively turned toward the back seat, that would explain why the bruises are only on one side of my hips. Everytime I close my eyes I see the car about to hit us and then I see her. I can't remember hearing a thing or feeling the impact even.<br><br>
I can't stop crying. I am a mess. My sister has dd today I am supposed to be leaving for school in a little while. This is my last week of school. I am a senior education major. I can't miss any days but I don't want to get in the car and I don't want to go. Nothing is wrong with me physically besides being a little sore. I don't know what I can do to get past this. I know I have to, at the least for the sake of my pregnancy.<br><br>
My mom is going to miss my shower. She might miss the birth of my child if she has an operation. I can't imagine her not being there. I am having a hard time even getting excited about my birth anymore.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
2,184 Posts
I am really sorry to hear that you are having to go through this. I have been in the ER 2 times in the past month for my son and then for my husband....just yesterday. Last night all I wanted to do was cry. I keep thinking that I am trying to get things done and get ready for this baby but we keep getting interrupted.<br><br>
For the sake of you, your unborn child, and the rest of your family I really suggest talking to someone about everything. Perhaps a counselor at school. The college that I went to had free counseling, maybe yours does too. You need to take care of yourself!<br><br>
P.S. You are due 7 days after me!
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
963 Posts
Oh mama what a rotten experience! <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/grouphug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="grouphug"><br><br>
I agree that you should dedicate some time to talking this out, either with just your friends and family or combined with professional guidance. Don't hesitate to "talk this one to death" because that's how you're going to get over it. I'd also suggest picking up the phone and calling your husband. The chances are pretty good that he's more aware of your anxiety than you think and it might put both of you a little more at ease if you let him shoulder some of your emotional burden.<br><br>
As for school... is there a chance you can get an emergency extension? It's only been two days since a significantly traumatic event--perhaps you need just a little more time to remove yourself from the panic. Maybe your professors will be able to accommodate you.<br><br>
I hope you start healing soon. I can't imagine how you must feel. I've never been in a car accident and I've spent this entire pregnancy fearing one.<br><br>
Best wishes to you and your family~
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
684 Posts
Having an experience like that can really cause you trauma. I wouldn't hesitate to speak with your profs about what happened and explain to them that you need a day or two off. I was an ED major as well--I was in my junior year when the World Trade Center was attacked. Our school was 2 blocks from there--and we were in class at the time the first plane hit. You'd be surprised how much time the school and profs allowed for emotional healing and group talk. It's important to the school that you're well balanced and emotionally secure.<br><br>
I'm pretty sure most colleges have a counseling center that will get you in ASAP. I know I took advantage of ours a lot after 9-11. The lives of your mother, your child, your unborn baby, and yourself were put in a pretty scary position. You're going to go over it again and again and again. The best way to deal with it and 'get over it' (not that we ever really get over things--they just become less severe, I think) is to talk to someone who wasn't there, who wasn't as emotionally invested as you were--and will just listen and give validity to your feelings.<br><br>
This is a legitimate 'sickness'. Being your last semester of college, I'm sure you're aware of the different between an excused and unexcused absense. This definitely fits in there with excused. I also imagine you have a relationship with your profs and they will understand. E_mail or call your profs and tells them why you're missing the next day or two. And take some 'me' time.<br><br>
Also, I know it might be a hassle, but try taking the bus instead of driving? And bring some kind of iPod or other distraction, close your eyes, and try to find some zen.<br><br>
*hugs*
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
209 Posts
I agree with others, you could be suffering from post traumatic stress disorder. It's so very important for you to seek counseling. The effects of this disorder worsen with time. Talking about it is crucial.<br><br>
Don't let anyone talk you out of getting help. Don't let anyone call you wimpy or just too sensitive for feeling like this. I'm so glad you chose to at least talk to us here at MDC.<br><br>
Peace
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
2,530 Posts
sound slike PTSD (post tramatic stress disorder) and you're not crazy for feeling scared!! I was in a bad car accident when i was younger (not prego though) and i really messed up my knee....it was literally MONTHS before i would drive again, i was terrified, i didnt even want to leave my house!!!<br><br>
call your teachers and tell them what happened, and how your feeling, and that you would really appreciate a day or two to pull yourself back together, teachers are human too and they will most likley understand.....and let your OB know how your feeling she may be able to reccomend someone for you to talk to and work out your feelings!!
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
5,410 Posts
I totally agree with the other advice and also want to say, it might also be comforting to talk to your mom. I know she's in pain, but she may also need someone to cry with and go over the details with until they are in the background instead of the foreground of everything.<br><br>
She doesn't blame you like you blame you and she might have some insight. And though she may not be there for the birth, she will still be thinking about you and wanting you to have your child's special birth day as close to what you had planned all along.<br><br>
If your mom is very religious, see if the hospital can supply clergy or if her own minister can come in. Talk to them yourself if you're religious as they're also trained and experienced counselors usually.<br><br>
I'd say also look up resources on PTSD as that is what seems to fit your situation right now. See what the resources suggest for moving past this.<br><br>
Mostly, allow yourself some time to feel this and heal.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
258 Posts
I agree with the other advise too.<br>
I am so sorry this happened to you.<br>
I am expecting and had to take my daugher to the ER 2 months ago because she was having a febrile seizure. It was terrifying and took me weeks to start feeling OK again and not take her temperature every 5 minutes.<br>
I think you need some time and that it would definately help to talk to someone.<br>
I believe you will start to feel better but what you are feeling now seems totally normal to me.<br>
Good Luck!
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
10,473 Posts
You definitely need to talk to someone. We were in a wreck over 2 yrs ago (dead stop on the freeway because of backed up traffic, girl rear ended us) and I STILL get PTSD from it. My kids still talk about it even though dd was 3 and ds was 5. This will always ring in my head: I said that she hit us and my little boy said, "Her hit ME!" Just Friday afternoon my dd told someone about the accident and said the seatbelt hurt her neck.<br><br>
My father was in a pretty severe wreck almost 13 years ago and to this day he gets very rattled if something comes at him from the right. (He was hit in an intersection by a woman who ran a red light.)<br><br>
That kind of trauma stays with you. Talk to someone about it. And cry if you need to!<br><br><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug">:
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
342 Posts
Discussion Starter #10
It hadn't occured to me to think of it as PTSD. I don't know why. I ended up talking to my professors and getting off today, tommorrow is a free day for me anyway. I am hoping that by Wed I will be atleast able to cope. I also talked to my mom today. I visited her alone, no babies, no husband, no other family, no nurses and docs. I felt a lot better afterward. I am still worried and still have a lot of anxiety about driving I am glad I talked to my mom and I "talked" to all of you.<br><br>
DH called today. The guys he works with were really great about what happened. They were planning on taking turns covering his shifts for the next few days and sending him the money but he is back now of course. I just think they are so wonderful to do that. Not only that but his boss worked out a way to get him pay for the day he missed. I can't wait for his leave to start though. I am glad he will atleast be here for everything. Unless I go into labor early.<br><br>
DD seems to be coping ok with everything. She knew where we were at when we pulled up at the hospital though. She immediately started pointing at the hospital and saying "nannie?" and she pointed at an ambulance and "talked" to me about it, so she definately remembers but she doesn't seem to be too sore where her bruises are or really scared in the car or anything. I am glad for that.<br><br>
I think I will be doing better as time passes. There are some counselors at school I can see. I am going to look up some information on PTSD and car crashes.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
10,473 Posts
I'm so glad you have such a nice support network around you. And WOW about your dh's coworkers & boss! WOW!<br><br>
Don't forget to see a chiropractor. That's a pretty major crash it sounds like and you're certainly out of alignment. Your little girl can be adjusted, too. We took ours to the chiro after our first wreck when dd was 3 mos old (almost hit a deer, swerved and hit guardrail instead). Now we go about once a month or so, just because. The kids even get adjusted. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile">
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
380 Posts
Sounds intense! I'm sorry you have to go through this. Of course it is upsetting!<br><br>
Have you thought about massage? In many states the other drivers insurance will pay for this. It can really help to restore your nervous system, relieve muscular pain, and help you to relax. Also, there are therapists who are trained in releasing trauma.<br><br>
I'm wishing you, your mom, your daughter and your baby the best!
 
1 - 12 of 12 Posts
Top