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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Oh Lord! I just found out I am pregnant again. I have a 3 yr old beautiful little girl, with whom I was a single mother to. Now 4 months from graduating from Graduate school I find out I my boyfriend and I are pregnant again!!!<br>
He is happy (or was till he saw that I am not too thrilled) and has been supportive. I told him from the start of our relationship I was not ready and that we had to be careful. It took me 6 yrs to get my degree and I just want to go out there and practice. I am tires of living on sudent loans and want to start feeling successful for myself. Now I will be having a baby 3 months after graduating and feel so stuck.<br>
My negativity is affecting my relationship and esteem. I need some prayers and advice. I feel like I've screwed up again. These last two weeks I feel a great weight on my chest and feel lost in spirit.<br>
Today he mentioned having to "make a decition soon" since I am obviously not ready, but as researched on the abortion clinics I got quite sick. I did it when I was 17 and now...10 yrs later don't see myself going down that path again.<br>
I am also scared to be a single mom again. We've been arguing a lot lately and somehow feel like it be easier to be alone though. He gets frustrated with me as I go through the process of fear and mourning my independence.<br><br>
Someone please pray for me and provide me with some guidance!!!
 

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<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/hug2.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Hug2"><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/praying.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="praying">:<br><br>
There's some hugs and prayers for ya sister.<br><br>
Is it possible that this baby will be your catalyst for indepenence and success? What kind of work will you be going into? Any other support people beside BF?<br><br>
At least you aren't due right before graduation where it might mess that up for you.<br><br>
You are on the verge of a whole new life. I guess you'll have to decide if BF is worth bringing into it.<br><br>
BTW - Congratulations on your new little one! (even if you're not ready to celebrate yet)
 

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congrats to you! <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/orngbiggrin.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="orange big grin"> I don't really have any advice other than take a deep breath! if you are seriously considering abortion I think you need to sit down and have a heart to heart with your bf. maybe the timing isn't right but it doesn't mean it can't work out! good luck to you!
 

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I send my prayers too. You have to decide what is right for you. There are some positive things- like PP said at least you aren't due until after you graduate, at least your boyfriend seems supportive of keeping the baby or not, and at least you will have the means to support a baby when you do start practing (law? med?).<br>
I know how you feel in a sense- I'm 20 and haven't finished my Psych Degree yet much less my masters- but my boyfriend is AMAZING (although we fought a ton at first I think just due to the general stress and upheaval and my hormones and the fact that he was unemployed, etc.) but now we haven't fought in months and we have worked out a plan that suites us both- I go to school and get my degrees and take care of the baby while he works full-time. Then I will go back to work and he will go be a full-time student again. It works for us. Try to see if there is a plan that will work for you two.<br>
Maybe if you are wanting to focus on getting your career started then he could be the primary caregiver or you could go the daycare route (there are some really good places out there just takes some searching) or get a Nanny if you are making that kind of $$$.<br>
I know how overwhelming it is and you have the right to make any decision that is best for you- just take some time to make sure you aren't acting on fears that you realize later are unfounded or workable.
 

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<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug"> No advice, mama, but you will find the support you need here no matter which road you choose to walk down.<br><br>
What is your graduate degree in? Do you have thoughts on what kind of job you could do that would be child-friendly?
 

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I just wanted to say that I completely understand what you are feeling. My baby was very much a surprise as well. I was supposed to start nursing school in January. I have worked the last 2 years to reach this point, only to have it halted, abruptly. I went through major greiving for the first 8 weeks I knew I was pregnant. I cried every day.<br>
I am telling you this to let you know that you are not alone. Take time to mourn and then the decisions you need to make will come. Good luck to you & dialog what you are feeling when you can. It really helps.
 

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Discussion Starter · #7 ·
<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/hug2.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Hug2"> Your love and support has brought my spirits up in such an amazing way!!<br>
Thank God for the cyber world. I so looked forward to checking my messages this morning. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/angel3.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Angel3"><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/angel.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="angel"><br>
It is great to hear from other moms out there and how we can all support and grow together. I am inspired by what you have shared of your experiences with me.<br><br>
Well, as many of you have asked, I will be a chiropractor in March. I love serving people through chiropractic and increasing their health potential through it. I will need to wait till November 2005 to take my last National Board exam to practice in most states. So till then we will stay here in Ga. I could practice in Michingan and a few other states with the boards I have but we decided it is better to stay here since I will be taking a board review class that is about 3 wks long. And with nursing the baby it will be much healthier to stay here instead of flying back and forth.<br>
That's another reason why I feel there are a bit more limitations with finding a job. I nursed my daughtar for 2 years and it is quite a commitment with regards to time. Especially for the first year.<br>
I will pray though, and hope there is a chiropractic office that supports the family oriented practice. A place where I can practice part time educating new practice members and conduct startup chiro-exams with the ability to have the baby with me. Babies mostly sleep the first three months anyways. Or at least Isabelle did.<br>
Your support has helped me see more light in my path. Once again thank you soooooo much!!! <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/flower.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="flower">
 

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Discussion Starter · #8 ·
Debstmomy :<br>
It is great to see that someone understands that there is a mourning process we must go through. And that has been one of the Challenges my boyfriend and I were having. He didn't understand the idea. He just wanted me to "snap out of it and choose to be happy". I know we have a choice in our happiness, but in order to come to that place we must mourn, come to terms and then we will be able to see the new possibilities. As Whimsy said, the new baby can be a catalyst for my indepedence. And I heard that from my boyfriend and the concelor we saw last week. I just have to honor my emotional process.<br><br>
Debstmomy, why have you chosen nursing school? I see you are a LLL leader and a doula. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/thumb.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="thumbs up"> Thanks for being of great support to moms! Is that why you are continuing your education in the healthcare syst? To provide more love and support? It takes great strength and courage to take such steps. But you definitely haave a gift.<br>
I myself will start looking into becoming involved in LLL. I considered being a doula or a midwife too. But not sure about it yet.<br>
Have an amazing day!
 

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Butterfly~Rain, the short answer as to why I chose nursing school is that I want a guarenteed pay check! With an RN degree, I will always have a job somewhere.(Hopefully in womans health, but if that did not work out, there is other areas of nursing.)<br>
The LONG answer, is I love empowering women. I want Moms to know that they have many many choices. Being Doula has helped me with this. I became a LLL after being a doula. (The process for becoming a doula was eaiser, for me, than a LLL leader.) I find extreme fullfilment with both, but now I want to be paid for my services and education, hence the RN degree. (Being a doula did not pay well for me. I went into it for the Moms, not the $$) Most hospitals will not hire a Lactation Consultant without a degree, and RN seemed the best way for me to go. I have my CLE, but no one will look at you without another degree. I thought I'd go IBCLC, but still think I really need an RN with it, at least in my area you do. (At least before I became pregnant with this baby, now I do not know.) My long term goal is midwifery. I breifly looked into direct entry midwifery care, but again the pay check thing steps in for me. With a CNM, I could work for a hospital or medical group. Now that I am pregnant, who knows. (I am birthing with a direct entry midwife, so I am sure I will learn more about that side.)<br>
Good Luck with Chiropractic care. We had a LLL mom of twins that owned her own practice & took the babies with her to work with a nanny. She had an office turned into a nursery/playroom while they were still small. I am sure you will find a family friendly office to work with, where you can bring the baby with you. Blessings.
 

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Discussion Starter · #10 ·
Well, I told my boyfriend that I looked in to the abortion info and that I couldn't do it. He was happy to hear so and said he didn't want it anyways.<br>
I guess it helped me reassure myself of the step I am taking in having the baby. I am definitely more at peace with the idea.<br>
I am just not sure if all the arguing in the last two weeks has turned down the tone between us, if its him or me, but there is not much cuddling going on at night. I kind of want to be embraced thorugh this process, but also need my space. Does that make sense?<br>
I also asked him if he was ready to tell our friends. And he asked me what I had been doing. I have told my closest friends because I needed some love and support. But I haven't told everyone. He kind of left it at that. I asked him to think about it and let me kow. Then he repeated the same back to me, " you think about it and let me know."<br>
Is he confused now? Has he been confused this whole time? Am I going nuts or is communication here not clear?<br>
Is it normal for a couple to withdraw from eachother to the process and if so, how healthy is it?<br><br><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/wild.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="wild">
 
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