Pregnant friends and guilt

Ok, before I even start to confess this here I need to say I feel like a not nice human being right now.

There, that is said.

Last week I found out a friend is pregnant after 9 months of trying. I was happy for her, although I admit I felt little pangs of a little green monster.

Yesterday I was talking to a close friend and she said Viki there is so much I need to talk to you about when I see you again. It has been 2 weeks since I last saw her, but we had a friend pass away as well as the son of another friend (if anyone has read any of my posts they may recall I am having a very bad year). But I knew she wasn't talking about this. I knew before she said it: Listen, I'm pregnant.

I told her how happy I was for her (I am - she is a great woman, fabulous mother, great all round human). I asked her when she is due. January. Oh wow I said, when? Jan 7th. She then went on to tell me that she just didn't know when to tell me. She had taken a test and got a negative, but then skipped another period so retested. I knew about the first test, but then I lost my second baby and so she didn't know when to tell me.

And then she told me that she had a weekend where she bled so she thought she was loosing it and had to go to the early loss place, but didn't want to tell me because I had been through so much, so she was going to keep it a secret if she lost it. I feel really bad about that. I must really have my head up my a$$ if close friends don't feel like they can talk to me about their problems.

I am happy she is pregnant, I am. And I am happy my other friend is too. Only, and this is where I am not nice, we all teach together. We were all pregnant together last time. Our children are weeks apart. And the thought of seeing their beautiful bellies grow, while mine remains empty makes me feel sick.

There I said it.

Viki