Hi.<br><br>
I am expecting our fourth child this Juy (28 1/2 weeks now). All of my kids have been breastfed and I feel strongly that CLW is what is right for our family. My oldest weaned herself the day after her second birthday when I was pregnant, my second daughter only just recently weaned herself last month at 4 years and four months. My third DD is currently 26 months old and going strong. I feel that by allowing my children to nurse as long as they want/need to, and allowing them to decide when to wean, I am giving them a huge and irreplaceable gift.<br><br>
I really didn't like tandem nursing last time, although I did it because I felt strongly that it was the best way to meet the needs of both nurslings. I couldn't stand nursing them at the same time and only did so rarely, and as a result I had to set some limits for my then-2 1/2 year old, but it worked out fine. I'm not exactly looking forward to it this time, as my third DD is even more strong-willed and ferocious about nursing than my second was. Again, though, I feel like it is something I am willing to do if it is the best way to meet the needs of both my two year old and my newborn.<br><br>
My problem is that my heart and head both really strongly believe in CLW, but right now, I am pretty much hating every minute of nursing my third child. I don't want her to feel like I resent her or our nursing relationship. I know that this is a choice I made, but it just bothers me. I feel so tapped out physically and emotionally with three young kids at home and in my third trimester (I also work 3/4 time and DH works full time - we split shifts so one of us is always with the kids). We are also moving and have a lot of stuff going on. I just feel like I have been nursing or pregnant consistently since December of 1997, and the truth is that I just don't want to nurse my older daughter anymore. And I am feeling horrible that she must know this on some level. And I don't know how to deal with this and reconcile it with my commitment to CLW. I am even wondering if I shoudl reconsider and go through the agony of gradual weaning.<br><br>
My daughter is also incredibly resistant to any kind of obvious limit-setting where nursing is concerned. I've had to limit nursing by distraction, redirection, and just making it unavailable to her by virtue of our activities or my clothing. At bedtime is when the issue comes up the most. She's not generally a night nurser anymore. I think it would help if I could set some good clear limits that we could stick to, but if I try to limit nursing with a time "ten minutes!" or by giving her a countdown or a warning that nursing is almost over, she freaks out, especially when she is tired. And she will just use all her will to stay awake and I know the best way to get her to sleep is to nurse her, and I'm exhausted too, so I just have to go ahead and nurse her to get her to sleep. My best days are when I can somehow keep her going until she's exhausted, so that she will fall asleep a few minutes after settling in at the breast. Because of our split shifts, I am alone at bedtime with the three kids most of the time. DH is wonderful when he is home - she'll go down in a snap for him without crying, complaint or nursing, just a good snuggle.<br><br>
Does anyone else feel this way? I feel so awful for hating nursing my wonderful daughter, who clearly still feels so strongly about it. I don't want to feel like a pushover. I mean, this is a relationship, and I should get a say too, but I know that she is not ready to wean, and I hate the thought of forcing her.<br><br>
Jen