Mothering Forum banner

1 - 20 of 28 Posts

·
Registered
Joined
·
570 Posts
Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Hi all,<br><br>
I thought we'd nightwean our DD just after Xmas, because I am ready and DD (who will be 16 months by then) seems close to ready now, at 15 mos. Also, DH will be on Xmas break from his job for about 10 days, and it would be convenient in case we need to discuss the transition, mull over our progress, and catch up on sleep.<br><br>
My problem - I have never said no to a request for milk. I have a hard time saying "milk later, after we can park" for example while I'm driving. I don't know how I'll be ready to say no to milk overnight when DD is used to having boobies hour after hour, if need be. What would you say/do in this situation?<br><br>
For background: DD has a routine that works pretty well (snack, bath, diaper & lotion, "night night" to everybody & everything, turn music on, crawl in bed and nurse to sleep while I tell her a story). When she's not teething she wakes 2-3x a night to nurse, when she is teething it can be all night nonstop. She will not take a pacifier (we tried one halfheartedly early on, and have considered starting a trial of them again but I do not like pacifiers).<br><br>
She does not go to sleep without a boob unless it's a nap with her familiar sitter in a predictable time & place, once a week. Also her sitter is able to get her to sleep in the stroller occasionally. DH has no luck at this point getting her to sleep, ever, because DD will say "milk" during the attempt and then I'm on. I wondered last night if we should try to buckle down and get DH to just ignore the milk request, but then it'd be a double whammy - "not mom" AND "no milk" instead of just "not mom".<br><br>
She will not fall asleep on her own in the car, etc, but twice in the last month she has rolled away during night time, listened to me tell her The Three Bears and she's nodded off. I am imagining that if I start nightweaning it may disrupt this very gradual trend of no need for boob I think (I hope) I'm seeing.<br><br>
But if we don't nightwean, we'll have to wait until spring break to do it (DH is a teacher). I would like my body back, at least at night. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile"> Ideas?
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
3,428 Posts
When I decided to night wean I just did it. Told her my boobies were asleep and she could have some milk in the morning. Gave her water instead. My older one was 19 months old and it went very smoothly even though she was a total boobaholic (I stopped nursing her to sleep around a year, b/c she was fighting sleep so hard). I'm nightweaning my 2nd now. It's been a week or so and she's still waking up once in the no-nursing zone. It was easier with my 1st because once she realized that I wasn't going to nurse her, she accepted cuddling instead. My 2nd refuses to cosleep, and when she wants to nurse at night she'll accept no other comfort. She flails if I hold her, hits me if I try to rub her back. So she's been more of a challenge. I'm done w/ the night nursing though (would love to be done completely, honestly!) so I'm sticking to it. It's not easy so it really just depends on how committed you are to it.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
5,261 Posts
We're nightweaning DD and we just say "milk is sleeping" or napping or whatever DD should be doing. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile"> Occasionally if she starts throwing a fit (she's a protestor...she likes to nurse to sleep, has fro 21 months, and even though I always nurse her BEFORE we go lay down she just wants it her way), then I'll eventually say no milk but many times we never have to get to that point. Although I am pg and don't have as much milk as before so sometimes "no milk" is true and probably makes sense to her...but she's a nursie baby and will just suck all day long if she could.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
570 Posts
Discussion Starter · #4 ·
Thanks for the replies!<br><br>
SublimeBirthGirl: Your 2nd is the same as my little one. So if she wakes up, won't be held, won't be rubbed, what do you do? And in your experience, it sounds like sticking with it has really worked (right?). I am afraid I'll create a problem instead of solving one, but I guess I'll need to gauge it as we go.<br><br>
1babysmom: What generally happens when you say "milk is sleeping"? I don't know whether to expect a whimper and then she turns over and goes back to sleep, or a major scream session (though I'm sure it will vary between children and night to night). How soon has it tapered off as the nights pass?<br><br>
When my DD wakes up at night, her eyes are closed, she sort of shudders/flails her arms about while silent, and then she turns to her side and roots repeatedly. She seems so very asleep, like she's stirring herself to wake up enough to find the boob. If I'm not there, she'll turn & root several times before starting to cry (and then I'm running and flinging the baby monitor on the couch as I trot by). <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile"> Does it seem like she's waking up because she's hungry? I really don't know.<br><br>
If I wake at night and witness her doing this, but wait a couple extra beats, she will often (with eyes closed) stop rooting and say/sign "milk". Then I know she must be sort-of awake and could comprehend "milk is sleeping".<br><br>
Hmmm... SublimeBirthGirl's said "just do it" is the mantra she used. Maybe that will work for me, but I have to look deeply to know that I'm ready. Maybe it's more about me than her. I'll have to really examine this.<br><br>
Gosh, I'm long-winded. Sorry for that.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
5,261 Posts
Well, this is our 3rd nightweaning attempt, so this time around DD understands when I say milk is sleeping that she's not getting any and she needs to go to sleep. But before that (we tried around 14, then 16 months, for about 3-4 weeks each time, but she clearly wasn't ready....we made NO progress either time) she'd just scream and scream. This time around there are times where she'll just fuss but if it's before midnight or so she's more awake and we occasionally get screaming fits, but they don't last very long anymore.<br><br>
It's definitely taken dedication on my part because it's just so much easier to nurse them back to sleep but I'm SO ready for her to nightwean...I don't care if I have to wake up with her still, I just want to be able to go nights without nursing constantly. But for us the biggest thing has been consistency...even if she does start screaming, I can't "give in" and end up nursing her, otherwise that seems to ruin any progress we've made.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
570 Posts
Discussion Starter · #6 ·
Thanks 1babysmom,<br><br>
I'm glad for the info! So much appreciated. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile"><br><br>
I wanted to clarify one thing - I *do* know what'll happen when I say to her "milk is sleeping" and remove the breast. She'll get upset. Very upset. I just want to have some idea of how soon it'll become a whimper and go back to sleep instead.<br><br>
It sounds like you just have to take that leap and then don't look back. Eventually (maybe very, very quickly) I would feel like I'm letting her CIO in-arms. Frankly I don't know if I could do it, if it came to that. It sounds like your nerves were not made of steel either, the first two times; or she was just not ready, or both?
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
5,261 Posts
<div style="margin:20px;margin-top:5px;">
<div class="smallfont" style="margin-bottom:2px;">Quote:</div>
<table border="0" cellpadding="6" cellspacing="0" width="99%"><tr><td class="alt2" style="border:1px inset;">
<div>Originally Posted by <strong>aiea</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/9855159"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">It sounds like you just have to take that leap and then don't look back. Eventually (maybe very, very quickly) I would feel like I'm letting her CIO in-arms. Frankly I don't know if I could do it, if it came to that. It sounds like your nerves were not made of steel either, the first two times; or she was just not ready, or both?</div>
</td>
</tr></table></div>
Well, some nights I just couldn't do it (she'd cry for way too long) and other times she'd be fine, but just by 3-4 weeks of it and no realy progress (like every night was it's own despite what previously happened...she was still waking up just as frequently wanting to nurse, she wasn't consolable withOUT nursing, etc) I just figured that was my sign to take it up again some other time.<br><br>
But this time has definitely been different because for the first times in her life I CAN put her back to sleep eventually without nursing (sometimes really quickly, too) and she only wakes once or twice in the night. DEFINITELY a different situation from the previous attempts.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
570 Posts
Discussion Starter · #8 ·
<div style="margin:20px;margin-top:5px;">
<div class="smallfont" style="margin-bottom:2px;">Quote:</div>
<table border="0" cellpadding="6" cellspacing="0" width="99%"><tr><td class="alt2" style="border:1px inset;">
<div>Originally Posted by <strong>1babysmom</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/9855230"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">But this time has definitely been different because for the first times in her life I CAN put her back to sleep eventually without nursing (sometimes really quickly, too) and she only wakes once or twice in the night. DEFINITELY a different situation from the previous attempts.</div>
</td>
</tr></table></div>
Do you chalk that up to her being old enough to "get it"? Or do you think two prior attempts has helped her to understand the idea? Darn, I wish we could just get into their heads. Gotta work on the telepathy... <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/winky.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Wink"><br><br>
Maybe we can give it a try with certain limits in place, and if no progress by the end of a week, we'd wait until spring break. She'd be 18 months by then.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
5,261 Posts
I don't know...maybe a combination of the two? The one thing that makes me think age is just because most threads I read prior to this successful attempt seemed to show that kids nightweaned between 20-26 months, and from what I could tell 22-24 months seemed the most common. So I don't know if it's just a coincidence or what.<br><br>
That said, let me tell you that I TOTALLY understand how frustrating it can be if they're not ready to nightwean right away (and who knows, maybe yours is!!). But I remember thinking (the first couple times we tried) how far away 20-26 months was, if that was going to be the time that worked for us. It almost made it worse. But in hindsight it doesn't feel like it took that long to get to this point.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
204 Posts
TOTALLY lurking and learning.<br><br>
DS is 15 months and I am ready to wean...especially night wean. I'm sooo tired - he wakes every 1-3 hours. and has for 15 months.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
570 Posts
Discussion Starter · #11 ·
<div style="margin:20px;margin-top:5px;">
<div class="smallfont" style="margin-bottom:2px;">Quote:</div>
<table border="0" cellpadding="6" cellspacing="0" width="99%"><tr><td class="alt2" style="border:1px inset;">
<div>Originally Posted by <strong>1babysmom</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/9855332"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">...because most threads I read prior to this successful attempt seemed to show that kids nightweaned between 20-26 months,...</div>
</td>
</tr></table></div>
You know, I tried to get a sampling of this myself a few months ago, and from the little bit I gleaned on mothering, it seemed people were trying at 12 months but had success at 16 mos. Maybe I just read a few early-birds' posts. I should start a poll to have some direct data-gathering... Will try that in just a minute.<br><br><div style="margin:20px;margin-top:5px;">
<div class="smallfont" style="margin-bottom:2px;">Quote:</div>
<table border="0" cellpadding="6" cellspacing="0" width="99%"><tr><td class="alt2" style="border:1px inset;">
<div>Originally Posted by <strong>1babysmom</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/9855332"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">... I TOTALLY understand how frustrating it can be if they're not ready to nightwean right away (and who knows, maybe yours is!!)</div>
</td>
</tr></table></div>
It has been frustrating at times, when I had extreme back pain from the side-lying. But now that I feel I'm (relatively) a veteran at this, and not in much pain at all, and DD is growing up so darn fast, I am definitely not at a low point. I think I just want to know enough so that I can plan quickly if we're sliding toward another low.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
3,428 Posts
<div style="margin:20px;margin-top:5px;">
<div class="smallfont" style="margin-bottom:2px;">Quote:</div>
<table border="0" cellpadding="6" cellspacing="0" width="99%"><tr><td class="alt2" style="border:1px inset;">
<div>Originally Posted by <strong>aiea</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/9854953"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">Thanks for the replies!<br><br>
SublimeBirthGirl: Your 2nd is the same as my little one. So if she wakes up, won't be held, won't be rubbed, what do you do? And in your experience, it sounds like sticking with it has really worked (right?). I am afraid I'll create a problem instead of solving one, but I guess I'll need to gauge it as we go.<br></div>
</td>
</tr></table></div>
Mostly, I leave her alone. If I stay with her, she gets angrier and angrier and never goes back to sleep. I go in, pick her up and love on her, and she starts flailing around and screeching at me, so I put her down, try to rub her back and she pushes me away, so I go back to bed. She cries a few minutes and goes back to sleep. I've tried comforting her for longer and she just gets agitated and won't go back to sleep. If I let her nurse at night, she wakes up 400 times a night and everyone is exhausted, so I'm caught in this rock and hard place situation. She has always been a baby who preferred to sleep alone, it just took me a year of misery to figure it out.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
5,261 Posts
Oh, reading the last reply made me think of something...are you guys co-sleepers? Just wondering, because my perspective is a co-sleeping one. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile"> My DD won't let me have anything to do with her when she's mad about "no milk" either...she won't let me rub her back or cuddle her (she NEVER does that though LOL) or anything. But she also doesn't want me to leave, and I won't anyway because since we cosleep I want her to know that SHE goes to sleep regardless of whether we're in bed or not, KWIM?
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
43,705 Posts
Have you considered the option of NOT nightweaning? If it seems "do-able" to you to wait until the spring, why are you in a hurry to nightwean at all?<br><br>
If your heart is telling you that it's "wrong to say no to a request to nurse" then why do it?
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
4,660 Posts
I didn't read the other responses. I said to my son "you can have water" in liu of "no milk" as much as was contextually possible. I did say "no milk" and "you can have milk when it's light out" too. I tried to stick to as few sayings as possible. If he was in a fit I'd just stick to the basic "no milk" or "you want milk. I understand." then "Sorry, no milk now" or "you can have water".<br><br>
Good luck. It's hard & there may be a few relases (attemts at night nursing), but it doesn't last forever.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
570 Posts
Discussion Starter · #16 ·
Hi ladies, and thanks for the replies.<br><br>
SublimeBirthGirl & 1babysmom - That "leave me alone, I'm mad" feeling has got to be the hardest. I know we'd be there. DD will not be consoled by patting, rubbing, whatever. That's something to consider and nightly (though we're not nightweaning) I'm trying to actively offer rocking instead of the breast, because she is consoled by that. I need a set of tools instead of just milk as the only soother.<br><br>
1babysmom - We do co-sleep, and lately, just in the last week, she's nursed to a point of being asleep and then rolled vigorously away. She almost catapults herself away sometimes, several times a night, and is asleep and contented while doing it. I take it as a sign we're on the right track (we do the Pantley pulloff) and have had good sleep lately partially b/c of this. I agree if she can't nurse, I'd need to know she's OK & asleep, and she'd need to figure out Mom is nearby while sleepy and learning to settle herself. She (we) have not had the opportunity to think this through much, as she wants boob not just mom when she wakes up.<br><br>
Ruthla - We definitely don't need to do this at Xmas, it's just a convenient time that we might need to use, if I am at another very low point with nursing then. We had a tough time for a long time with nursing, and I know we're heading toward nightweaning sometime in the next year or so. I am a major planner (can you tell?!).<br><br>
Synchro246 - Very helpful, I will emulate that for sure.<br><br>
Thanks again ladies! MDC mamas rock. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile">
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
3,428 Posts
It has been very hard for me having a baby like her! I NEVER left my 1st when she was upset. It's a strange and not so great feeling to realize that my being with her makes her angrier. She's a far more aggressive child than my first ever was, already, and she's only 15 months. She can also be very sweet, of course, but I'm soooooooooooooooo nervous about 2.5, which was very hard for me with my first who was always an extremely sweet kid!
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
3,758 Posts
My DS was still nursing every 2-3 hours at 2 years old. Although I wanted to nightwean so I could get some sleep, I chose to continue letting him nurse whenever he wanted. I just couldn't let him cry and I could not deny him his "milkies". I know it is hard to nurse at night. I can't sleep through it, but lying next to him did help. Shortly after turning 2 he pretty much quit night nursing on his own. Well, most of the time he doesn't nurse at night; except when he is sick or having a really rough night (he's 3 now). I hate to say it, but I agree with your title, the part that says "saying 'no milk' seems wrong". Is there any way to stick it out until she makes the choice to no longer night nurse, like when she's ready?
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
2,709 Posts
Wow are we ever Right Here right now, too. Our Ds is 17 mos, and we've been working onnight weaning since 11 months. What worked the best was making DH responsible for the going to bed routine, because when he wakes he expects daddy and not mommy. Actually if I hear him before DH and go to im, I have to take him oer to see that daddy's still there,before he'll settle!<br>
Pantley pull offf worked for us too. Actually, I say, all 1-2-3 all done, ready? 1...2...3! andusually I don't get to thee, he'll pop off and reach for DH. that mightbe an option for you. Realistically though, IT's takenus tis long tomake tis much progress what with teething and stuffy oses, and closing the house up for thewinter so ow ever sound carries in the house. we're itting a goodequalibrium now. and I find thatI don't mindnursing once or twice at night at all. The other thing is that he's started to just cuddle and snuggle more, and will sometimes readily accept that inplaceoif nursies. I also have to say sometimes, truthfully 'Sorry baby, milkie's all gone' or mommy can't nurse right now her boobies hurt' Just tr to be patient!<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/duck.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Duck">:
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
5,261 Posts
<div style="margin:20px;margin-top:5px;">
<div class="smallfont" style="margin-bottom:2px;">Quote:</div>
<table border="0" cellpadding="6" cellspacing="0" width="99%"><tr><td class="alt2" style="border:1px inset;">
<div>Originally Posted by <strong>aiea</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/9867792"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">1babysmom - We do co-sleep, and lately, just in the last week, she's nursed to a point of being asleep and then rolled vigorously away. She almost catapults herself away sometimes, several times a night, and is asleep and contented while doing it. I take it as a sign we're on the right track (we do the Pantley pulloff) and have had good sleep lately partially b/c of this. I agree if she can't nurse, I'd need to know she's OK & asleep, and she'd need to figure out Mom is nearby while sleepy and learning to settle herself. She (we) have not had the opportunity to think this through much, as she wants boob not just mom when she wakes up.</div>
</td>
</tr></table></div>
Well that's good! PPO never worked for us. DD would just wake up MORE awake and fussier and it'd take longer to put her back to sleep.<br><br>
I don't know if I've mentioned yet, but how nightweaning for us started this time was sort of on accident...well, we were STARTING the nightweaning process (because I'm now pg and although before night nursings kinda put me over the top, now it's also just plain uncomfortable trying to nurse her all night). We wanted to go REALLY slow because DD doesn't do nursing changes well, and so we were just going to cut out nursing sessions from about 5 am until she woke up. SO we started doing that, and it worked...a little bit of crying the first night but really well after that! Then after about a week and a half of being consistent with it, DD woke up to nurse at 2 am and I was so tired that I just tried to put her back to sleep without nursing (not really realizing it) and she went back to sleep SO easily. I didn't really realize it until th next day but I chose to take advantage of that and knew I had to be consistent and continue w/out that nursing session, too. So that's how it's worked for us.
 
1 - 20 of 28 Posts
Top