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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Hey-<br><br>
I've talked to a lot of moms out there who say that three is harder than 2- ie. that the terrible twos have nothin' on three.<br><br>
I was thinking today if that might have something to do with kids all going to preschool at three.<br><br>
It seems like parents used to think their 2 year olds were a nightmare and that three year olds are pretty obedient. Why the sudden shift?<br><br>
I ask this because my dd#1 is very spirited and sensitive and had me in tears many a time when she was turning 2. Now when we hang with other kids her age that are in preschool I'm suprised by how well behaved my dd is.<br><br>
There's any number of explanations here, but I was wondering if any of you have noticed differences in preschool aged kids in and out of school?
 

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The twos were awesome here, a total breeze. 3? WHOA! Total transformation. We made up for not having the terrible twos, and them some… He isn’t in preschool, or anywhere without me for that matter.<br><br>
I do have to say though, that he is a lot more mellow and well behaved than the majority of 3 year olds I’ve seen ( And yes, most in PS or daycare). It’s just that he never even had a tantrum until he turned three, so it was a big change for us. But nowhere near as challenging as many other kids his age.
 

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Discussion Starter · #3 ·
Vermillion- I had thought that most kids who were tough at three just hadn;t been that tough previously. I thought that the phase just varied by age between kids. (though I foetn hear that boys are harder at three- whichmakes sense since they mature slower.)<br><br>
But I have noticed a big shift with the kids in preschool. Thank goodness I'm not sending dd- she'd be a NIGHTMARE.
 

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For 2 months we've tried sending ds (3.5) to PS. It has been a nightmare. He has gone from our gentle, loving, obedient son to an agressive, whinning nightmare. Yesterday he pinned a classmate to the ground and was wailing him as hard as his little fist could go. WhY? Where would this anger stem from? Where would he get this? No TV. No violence in the home. We made the decision, after consulting with my job(which amazingly will allow me to work from home and as needed take 3.5ds and 2month dd with me) to take him out. One day at home and he has regrouped his emotions and slipped back into that peaceful, restful state. PS was not the socialization answer for us!!
 

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3 was horrific for us and we didn't do any preschool or socialization along those lines. 2 was awesome. 3 was full of irrational tantrums every night. It was really bad around 3.5, it eased off around 3.75 and once he turned 4, he went back to his sweet and mellow ways. I did not see 3 coming at all!<br><br>
I have noticed a 4yo I know change once he started preschool. Once he started preschool, around age 4, he became bossy to other kids and kind of sassy. He really started talking down to my son, whereas at 3, he was very sweet and inclusive. It may be unrelated to school, but I have wondered if negative socialization affected his behavior. Who knows?
 

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Oh no! I hope 3 isn't worse than 2, I'll never survive! :LOL Someone please tell me they are either "terrible" at 2 <i>or</i> 3, and not both.
 

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DS was in preschool for two hours a day, two days a week when he was two. Two was wonderful. There were some bumps, but I recall two fondly.<br><br>
Three has sucked. Three years olds should be sent to military school, except no one would run it. :LOL He still does preschool two mornings a week. I don't know that it is school as much as it is the age overall. I have been reminded that the only thing harder than living with three is BEING three. Maybe <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/nut.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="nut">
 

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I have had 3 year-olds both in and not in PS. I don't think it makes that much of a difference. I have always said 'a 3 year old is a 2 year old with a brain' - much more ingenious in their terror and much more stamina. I can tell you stories about my 3 year olds....
 

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My DD was going to a very lovely in-home daycare 2 - 3 days a week when I was working. She went from age 13 mos until age 3 years + 4 mos. The sassy, defiant, tantrum-y stuff started around age 3. Since I lost my little part time job (hooray!!!), and I'm SAHMing, what a difference. She's much more relaxed, bedtime and morning routines are a breeze and we have smiles most of every day. I still use the sitter a little bit (part of one day a week for a break for me), but it's much less than when I was working. Sure, we still have a little bit of whining and screaming (some days), but overall, I notice a marked improvement in the past 6 weeks. I'm very grateful to have lost my job. No plans to look for a new one, because I can see how happy DD is!
 

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>mommyofshmoo</strong></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">I was thinking today if that might have something to do with kids all going to preschool at three.</div>
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My daughter doesn't go to preschool and three is MUCH MUCH harder than two. When she was two she was so pleasant and even-tempered. At three she is an emotional windstorm and she's become very strong-willed. My opinion is that, at two, her needs and wants were much simpler and her exceptional verbal skills allowed her to express herself. At three her emotional world is much more complex and, even though her verbal skills are stellar, she just doesn't have the maturity and experience to deal with her emotions.<br><br>
The moms in our homeschool group are all in agreement that three is much harder than two, and most of them never sent their kids to preschool.<br><br>
Namaste!
 

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My kids were both the most difficult when they were 1. They were totally mobile and had no sense. Two was a bit easier and 3 was a piece of cake. I don't know anyone else who feels this way, though.
 

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I have a 5y.o. and a 3 y.o. and 3 has been really hard for both of them. I see some of the exact same frustrating behaviors from ds that I remember from dd when she was 3. We do preschool, but the difficult behavior began before school started.<br><br>
I think this is one of those things that varies by child, and probably by preschool if they go. I attended a *horrible* preschool just a few times when I was 3 or 4. (My mom was a sahm, so I was able to quit as soon as I said I didn't want to go any more. I had only wanted to go in the first place because my neighbor friend was going.) If I had stayed in that environment, no doubt there would have been consequences! My kid's preschool is very respectful and gentle, with generally well-behaved classmates. Sometimes I think going to preschool makes them a little more tired (I *know* it did for my dd), but all that means is that they continue to nap a bit longer than they otherwise might. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/shrug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="shrug"> I suppose there might be some other negative effect on behavior -- I can't say for certain that there isn't. But I will say that even if there is some minor effect, it's worth it for *me* this year. DD and I do homeschool stuff while ds is at preschool. Then I can focus on both of them the rest of the day. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile">
 

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I am responding to this a preschool teacher...from my experience of teaching 2's and 3's most of the time that so called "terrible or difficult" period is from about 2 1/2 to 3 1/2. They are trying to become independent and that conflicts with our idea of what should go on. I think it would vary depending childrens development. As far as preschool affecting children I think in an ideal world children would not attend preschool until they are truly preschool age around 3 1/2 or 4 years old and attend a preschool that had small class sizes. It is impossible to give each child as much as attention as they deserve when you are teaching 10-13 in a class.
 

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I was on bedrest when ds1 was 2.5-3.5ish so he went to a Montessori ps/daycare and his behavior was excellent. He was home again at 3.5 (when his little brother was born) and 3.5 to 4.5 was our tough year...I always thought it had more to do with the arrival of little borther than school and also spending more time at activities with neighborhood kids whose behavior is a tad off sometimes <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/winky.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Wink"><br><br>
It is an interesting question though - maybe it has more of a cohort impact than being an individual kids issue (it seemed like there were lots of problems throughout the entire group when we tried to social at three vrs. 2 or 4)<br><br>
BJ<br>
Barney & Ben
 

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My 2 yo dd can be pretty challenging - although she's not yet three I have to tell you that I went ahead and enrolled her in preschool (I still can't imagine why I did that!) a couple of months ago. She totally freaked out! I thought it was mainly due to the arrival of her baby brother in July, or maybe it was just the "terrible twos"... but after choosing to homeschool I removed Abi from the ps and abracadabrashazam!!! she's back to being a manageably challenging, sweet baby who now loves her baby brother. I think ps was too tough for her, and of course she's really too young... she's still challenging but I believe that the ps experience most definitely affected her negatively.
 
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