[firstatfourty]

Is anyone else in this position. My 2nd dd is due 7-27 and ever since I announced the pregnancy mil and others have been really after my dd to be grown up. Also, lately I am getting a lot of unsolicited advice from said person about my parenting style, apparantly I am not allowing or encouraging my dd to be independent which is not true. I just don't believe she should be pushed just because of a new baby on the way. The final straw was when I got home from doctor appt today my mil railed into me about how my dd STILL doesn't know how to dress herself, and she doesn't know ANY OTHER toddlers her age who don't know how to dress and don't try to dress themselves. I informed her that she dresses herself at home when she feels like it. I am also told I MUST get rid of the binky before new baby comes and I MUST wean and on...and on......and on..... I feel really furious and maybe it is just my hormones id dont know???? Anyone who can relate??

 

[iris0110]

I hear you. Other people have been telling Ds how he will need to be the "big boy" now that I am pregnant again. Ds is almost four now, but he has special needs and putting pressure on him just makes things worse instead of better. I try to just remind people that while I am pregnant, ds is still my baby as well. I try to avoid people who put pressure on him to be grown up.<br><br><div style="margin:20px;margin-top:5px;">
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<table border="0" cellpadding="6" cellspacing="0" width="99%"><tr><td class="alt2" style="border:1px inset;">The final straw was when I got home from doctor appt today my mil railed into me about how my dd STILL doesn't know how to dress herself, and she doesn't know ANY OTHER toddlers her age who don't know how to dress and don't try to dress themselves.</td>
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This is just rediculous. Toddlers are more likely to strip themselves than dress themselves. Ds still doesn't dress himself, or show any interest in getting dressed. He would much rather be naked. I think your MIL has really crossed the line. It might be time to tell her to back off. If it were me I would probably say "Even though I am pregnant, dd is still my baby. She is only two years old, and no one is going to benefit from her being pushed to grow up too soon. You have had your chance at parenting, dd is my child and I will decide when she needs to wean, dress herself, ect. Now please back off." But that's just me. Dh says I am confrontational. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/bag.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Bag">:

 

[Evergreen]

I like that reply!<br><br>
By the way, my dd is a little over 2 and she <b>can</b> dress herself but usually won't. With the exception of her I don't even know any kids her age that can consistantly do it. I think your MIL mistaken.

 

[Czen:)]

I think its just asking for trouble to make a child "transition" so fast for a baby coming! Let the baby come and the childs life go on and then slowly make changes! We also have a 2 year gap between kids (and will again) and I purposely held off on doing any potty learning, weaning from soother, etc until well after baby arrived. We had an amazingly smooth adjustment period to the new baby. And by the way, we still assist my 3.5 y.o. with getting dressed! Your MIL must have forgotten what to expect from a young child.<br><br>
Something else that just occurd to me in the last few days is why does society feel its so bad to have two babies in the same house? We'll have 3 teens at the same time in the house, why can't we have a few babies?<br><br>
Czen

 

[OnTheFence]

I am being pressured to do this too with my 3 year old. He is spoiled and I have really babied him, I still think of him as my baby and I am having another one in less than 3 weeks. In some ways I agree with people, I probably should expect more from him and give him some more independence. We just potty trained with great success, but my DH and I are not ready to give up some other things just yet. He's already showing jealousy towards a new baby coming. I don't want to make them worse by butting him out.<br><br>
Kim

 

[matts_mamamama]

I feel bad enough about bringing a new baby into the house - the last thing I want is for my 2 year old to be grown up!! Geez, he's still a BABY!!! Of course, he is very independent, but he's still just so little - I couldn't imagine if he could get himself dressed - LOL. He's very helpful with a lot of things, so I certainly encourage that, but he'll still be my little boy, even when he becomes a "big" brother.

 

[CandyApple]

Just wanted to say I'm hearing the same things, and feeling the same way. Czen -- I like the idea of not making any other huge transitions before the new baby comes, just let it all happen on its own after. Much less pressure on 2 yr old ds and me, I'M not ready to call him a big boy yet!

 

[allgirls]

<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/winky.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Wink"> Just tell her you plan on getting him his own apartment when the baby comes<br><br>
as to dressing themselves...my almost 2 year old can dress herself...she just doesn't most days...oh well...<br><br>
My mother keeps asking me if Sophia is still nursing...I say "of course, she's only 23mos"<br><br>
We are not doing any major changes when baby comes either...<br><br>
Czen...I like what you said about having 2 babies...I certainly would rather have 2 babies than 2 teens anyday <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/eyesroll.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="roll">

 

[nancy926]

<div style="margin:20px;margin-top:5px;">
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<table border="0" cellpadding="6" cellspacing="0" width="99%"><tr><td class="alt2" style="border:1px inset;">
<div>Originally Posted by <strong>OnTheFence</strong></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">I am being pressured to do this too with my 3 year old. He is spoiled and I have really babied him, I still think of him as my baby...</div>
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<br>
How have you spoiled him? By loving him??????<br><br>
Three IS STILL A BABY. He's not 10 or 15 or 20, he's THREE. Don't worry about it!<br><br>
DD will be 2.75 when the new baby is born and I fully expect some "regression". Once they grow up, they're grown, yk? Hang on as long as you can!!<br><br><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile"><br>
NV

 

[Storm Bride]

I'm so grateful that nobody is doing that to me! DD is two, and sometimes she wants to be a "big girl" and sometimes she wants to be a baby. She'll climb up in my lap and cuddle and say "Emma baby", then 5 minutes later, she's on the floor saying "don't touch Emma" and "Emma do it self". I try not to let her get too frustrated, but other than that, I follow her lead with this stuff. She knows better than I do how much babying she wants.<br><br>
And, I agree. What's wrong with having two babies in the house??? Kids dress themselves at all ages, and I don't see any point in pushing it. (Of course, if your kid's 15 and still wants your help... :LOL )

 

[captain crunchy]

God I don't even have a baby yet (any day *sigh) and even I know advice like that is freaking ridiculous.<br><br>
You only need to take one psychology class (or have some common sense) to know that a new baby is a big transition and change and the LAST thing you want to do is alienate your other children in ANY way, shape or form...that inclues changing their schedule dramatically or forcing them into a new "reality" of being "grown up" (a 2 year old??????) and things of that nature.<br><br>
People who are like that irritate the hell out of me really. My goodness. Children I believe have a natural tendency to want to help, be involved etc... so if anything, utilize that when your child wants to "help" change baby or feed baby or grab a blankie or whatever... that is where you can kind of re-enforce what a BIG HELP they are and WOW what a BIG girl they are for helping momma with the new baby and how WONDERFUL of a big sister they are and ALL The NEAT things they can teach the baby.... etc...<br><br>
but it certainly IS NOT the time to be shifting realities and carving out a new place in the family where your child has to be this "grown up" and all this...<br><br>
You do what YOU feel is right and healthy for you and your family and well, to put it bluntly, screw anyone else.<br><br>
(sorry 11 days overdue and not taking any crap!! :LOL :LOL)

 

[Pam_and_Abigail]

I just wanted to say that you guys have made me realize that *I* have been asking too much of my dd1 now that her baby sister is here.<br>
Lots to think about...

 

[gonnabeamom]

I was 13 months when my brother was born, and my sister was three! I can't imagine my Mom trying to get me to be grown up, or dress myself, or even expect much from my older sister (though frankly I think she came out organizing things)<br><br>
The thing is, people cope. People have twins, or even triplets. In other parts of history people had kids every year.<br><br>
I would recommend taking you MIL aside and saying something like "I really apprecaite that you are concerned about me and the new baby, but I'm not worried about it. I don't want DD to feel pressured to grow up too fast, and I think you're telling her she needs to is upsetting her. I know it upsets me. I am sure she'll be sweet/helpful/loving with her new sibling when it's time as long as she doesn't feel pressured."<br><br><br>
I hope this works out for you.

 

[MilkOnDemand]

My parents & exIL's were all over me to make Dustin grow up when he was 2.5 because Dorothy was born. Um...still my baby. No reason to make him grow up too soon, he has the rest of his life to do it, thank you. Any time someone would talk about how he needed to be a "big boy" and help mommy, or whatever I would say that he was still my baby and I'd help myself. His only responsibility was to continue being my child.<br>
With new baby Liam on the way, again...people telling both Dustin and Dorothy how they need to be my helpers and be big. I continue to shush those morons and tell them that the kids will continue to follow their routines, continue to have their responsibilities, and that if they WANT to help or VOLUNTEER something that is their business. I refuse to add burden to them by making them grow up - they are only small for a short period anyway, why make it harder on them?

 

[phathui5]

<div style="margin:20px;margin-top:5px;">
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<table border="0" cellpadding="6" cellspacing="0" width="99%"><tr><td class="alt2" style="border:1px inset;">I am also told I MUST get rid of the binky before new baby comes and I MUST wean and on...and on......and on.....</td>
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Oh, that's right. I forgot that you need to take those things away from the toddler so that they have something to be jealous of when the new baby arrives. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/eyesroll.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="roll"><br><br>
My dd will have just turned two when I have this next baby and I'm not planning to wean her.

 

[orangebird]

How annoying! A two year old is a baby for pete's sake!<br><br>
My three year old is super independant, we don't baby him at all, and never have and he still needs help getting dressed. He hates wearing clothes though, so he has never had much motivation to want to do it himself. The first thing he does whenever we get home from somewhere is strip all his clothes off. He is wearing some clothes today but it is really rare for him to be dressed in the house. He was cold this morning so DH helped him put some clothes on.<br><br>
It seems that this would be the worst time to put pressure on a sibling toddler, it's going to be adjustment enough when the new baby gets here, I don't understand why grandparents would try to pressure you to pressure her. She will grow up just fine. Sheesh!<br><br>
I don't believe in making a big ordeal about the new baby coming. I mean I am telling my kids I'm having a baby, and showing the three year old how they come out so he will kinda know what is going on during the birth itself. But I am not making it like there is this huge event coming and everyone has to suddenly change in preparation. I want my kids to continue on with their lives as usual. I am not using the baby as an excuse to push them to start doing things they aren't ready for. I don't get that. There is nothing my 3 year old needs to suddenly do now just because there is going to be a baby. He is a three year old, with or without a baby brother. He will keep doing his same three year old things and developing and learning at his own pace.<br><br>
Why do some people focus so much on that anyway? OK, now you have to be ready to be "the big brother" blah blah blah. Whatever.

 

[beachcomber]

<div style="margin:20px;margin-top:5px;">
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<table border="0" cellpadding="6" cellspacing="0" width="99%"><tr><td class="alt2" style="border:1px inset;">I would recommend taking you MIL aside and saying something like "I really apprecaite that you are concerned about me and the new baby, but I'm not worried about it. I don't want DD to feel pressured to grow up too fast, and I think you're telling her she needs to is upsetting her. I know it upsets me. I am sure she'll be sweet/helpful/loving with her new sibling when it's time as long as she doesn't feel pressured."</td>
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Really well said! And said much more nicely than I would have, too. If it were me, I'd tell her something like, "Look, I know you are concerned, but right now you are not helping the situation at all. You're stressing my child and you're stressing me. This is no good for either of us. Please don't give me or my daughter any more lectures on growing up. The more pressure we put on her the worse it's going to be when the baby actually comes. We want this to be a good experience for her."