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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
My mother in law will be here this weekend to visit. I'm feeling anxious because for the past year she has been constantly nagging at me about potty training my three year old. She doesn't say it but she acts as if I'm lazy.


I have tried to get bunny (daughter's nickname since she was a bean in my womb) to be interested in the toilet. At 2 1/2 she would get up there and giggle about it but want right on back down. For awhile I thought she was going to take to it because she would take off her dipe and run around saying she had to go potty.

Now she has absolutely no interest in going. She doesn't even want me to change her dipes! I don't believe in pushing her to go if she doesn't want to. I don't know what I'm doing lol

Anyway, the biggie here is, now that my mother in law will be here, what am I going to do? I just know she will be boring holes into me when she sees bunny still in her dipes.
:

What would you do in this situation?

Thank you!
 

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Personally, I'd ignore her... not all children potty learn at the same age. My DD1 didn't learn to use the potty until almost 4... she just had better things to learn that interested her more. My youngest is only 13 months and already showing signs of being interested. Of course my MIL thinks we should be actively pushing it... but we won't.

I'd tell her that if potty training is SO important to her, that she should have another child of her own to potty train when she feels like, but that since DD is YOUR child, you'll make the decisions.

Then again, I'm feeling snarky right now.
 

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Frankly, this is the coward's way out. But if this is your first and only child, I'd just look helpless and shrug and say innocently, "I just don't know what to do!!!!"
:

After all, the older generations all seemed to conclude that anyone who hadn't potty trained a child by a certain age was a "lazy mother." (Besides, they had a big incentive to train, considering all the laundry they had to wash by hand, and water they had to boil.) It's not going to be easy to change your MIL's point of view on that because it's been too ingrained for too long. So either you get up the guts to be honest and confront her with the fact that your DD just isn't ready, and you'd like to do it at her own pace. Or you get some medical info that says it's not good to force children to potty train any more. Or you shrug, feign helplessness, and if you're lucky, maybe your MIL will have your DD trained by the time her visit is over!


Faith
 

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I'm a FIRM believer that when a child is ready they will pretty much do it on their own. I think that when a child is pottytrained too early, it's really the parent that is trained, not the child. The mom learns the 'signs' and races the child off to the potty and literally catches them in the act, or just before it. The child hasn't really learned much of anything. I'm on a site with some women who's dd aren't even 2 yet (turn 2 this fall) and are in the process of training them and it gets so frustrating to them when the daughter has an accident or misses.

MILs can be so intruding and pesty. Hopefully she'll keep her nose on her face and her mouth shut. If not, hopefully you can just ignore her and nod your head.
 

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Boy oh boy -this must be the month of "Irrational In-Laws" or something. There seems to be alot of posting's lately on the in-laws and "what do I do". I started my own thread on my BIL being at it again. In your sitution, or any sitution for that matter, I think it's best to enforce what you feel, that it is your child and you have chosen to parent your way. I don't know what is wrong with ppl, do they think there is a written law on one way to raise your child? It's really annoying isint' it?

Good luck to you mama.
 

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Frankly, this is the coward's way out. But if this is your first and only child, I'd just look helpless and shrug and say innocently, "I just don't know what to do!!!!"
:

After all, the older generations all seemed to conclude that anyone who hadn't potty trained a child by a certain age was a "lazy mother." (Besides, they had a big incentive to train, considering all the laundry they had to wash by hand, and water they had to boil.) It's not going to be easy to change your MIL's point of view on that because it's been too ingrained for too long. So either you get up the guts to be honest and confront her with the fact that your DD just isn't ready, and you'd like to do it at her own pace. Or you get some medical info that says it's not good to force children to potty train any more. Or you shrug, feign helplessness, and if you're lucky, maybe your MIL will have your DD trained by the time her visit is over!


Faith
****Edited to add, it's been done, ya know! Someone around here had a mom who insisted the child was ready to potty train. The mom wasn't ready to do it, went to school one day, and came back to find her dd had been trained. The child has rarely had accidents since. So who knows?
 

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Discussion Starter · #7 ·
Quote:

Originally Posted by amydidit
I'd tell her that if potty training is SO important to her, that she should have another child of her own to potty train when she feels like, but that since DD is YOUR child, you'll make the decisions.

Then again, I'm feeling snarky right now.


I would love to see the look on her face if I said that. Thank you for the giggle here!
 

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Discussion Starter · #8 ·
Quote:

Originally Posted by faithnj

Faith
****Edited to add, it's been done, ya know! Someone around here had a mom who insisted the child was ready to potty train. The mom wasn't ready to do it, went to school one day, and came back to find her dd had been trained. The child has rarely had accidents since. So who knows?

Good idea! LOL
 

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Discussion Starter · #9 ·
Quote:

Originally Posted by Kellym
I'm a FIRM believer that when a child is ready they will pretty much do it on their own. I think that when a child is pottytrained too early, it's really the parent that is trained, not the child. The mom learns the 'signs' and races the child off to the potty and literally catches them in the act, or just before it. The child hasn't really learned much of anything. I'm on a site with some women who's dd aren't even 2 yet (turn 2 this fall) and are in the process of training them and it gets so frustrating to them when the daughter has an accident or misses.

MILs can be so intruding and pesty. Hopefully she'll keep her nose on her face and her mouth shut. If not, hopefully you can just ignore her and nod your head.
Yes! I totally agree. I've been careful not to push. I can't believe it sometimes when my mom says she had me potty trained at 9 months old! When I told her it was her that was trained, she busted up laughing at me.

Oh how I wish I had a MIL that wasn't sooo judgemental!
 

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Discussion Starter · #10 ·
Quote:

Originally Posted by snugg_bug
Boy oh boy -this must be the month of "Irrational In-Laws" or something. There seems to be alot of posting's lately on the in-laws and "what do I do". I started my own thread on my BIL being at it again. In your sitution, or any sitution for that matter, I think it's best to enforce what you feel, that it is your child and you have chosen to parent your way. I don't know what is wrong with ppl, do they think there is a written law on one way to raise your child? It's really annoying isint' it?

Good luck to you mama.
At least we're not alone!? July is in laws month. j/k

Thank you, and I'll look for your thread.
 

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MIL & my mom have both been pressuring us to start TT with DS -- and to our great surprise, both of them put him on the potty and he actually went! On several occasions. But other times, someone puts him there and he shows no interest at all, which is fine, too.

I think you just need to reiterate over and over again that your DD will TT when she's ready and everyone is doing more harm than good by insisting on it any sooner. If they can't respect that, then they won't be welcome as they're just adding unnecessary pressure and stress.
 
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