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Not really an update because I don't officially know more. Both my doctor and the horrible ER doctor made it clear that I'm not welcome back until I'm pouring blood. The nicer doctor actually said, "And when we say bleeding, we mean going through more than one pad an hour." I didn't bleed that much with either miscarriage so I'm still at home, still on bedrest.
It's been a hard weekend. My sweet little girl, though, draws me picture after picture. This morning it was a picture of both of us with a heart as the sun. My dh is working so hard to run our household and take of me and taking care of our little. It's a lot but we're hanging in there as a family and that is a comfort.
It helps so much to read everyone comments--thank you all.
I am set to see the doctor a week from today.
I'll update with a real update.
Thanks again for keeping our little family in your thoughts.
*****
I went to the emergency room yesterday and the doctor was horrible. I'm on Medi-cal and I think that was his problem with me. He came into the room and said, "What is it that you think I can do for you?"
He'd read my paperwork and I asked for an ultrasound.
"Why?"
"Um, because I want to see if the baby's heart is still beating."
"Do you think the baby's heart is not beating?"
"Well, I'm spotting and cramping and I'd like to know if everything is okay."
He told me I'd had an ultrasound earlier in the week and they wouldn't do another one. "It won't do any good. If you're miscarrying I can't do anything for you."
He also said, "I'm not surprised to see you back here--a pregnant woman your age." I'm 37.
So I was sent home and it seems worse. I woke up at three a.m. with bad, bad cramps and my dh sat with me. We talked about faith and our lives. He rubbed my back and we both got to this place of acceptance and peace. I mean, we're sad but hopeful for our future.
He's a computer guy and he's been out of work so this year has been hard. We talked for hours about our plans and, oddly, about how he's been cleaning up our house and clearing out things. We talked about people we need to not have in our lives and what we're willing to do to be able to keep homeschooling our daughter. It was odd and sad and beautiful.
Yesterday my sweet little girl cut up her blanky and wrote, "I love you" on a piece of it for me to have. I've been holding it close to my heart.
Oh,we've been talking about when to tell people about being pregnant. For the first time, I told everyone I was pregnant right away. My friend talked me into it. I was kind of doubtful because I have a history of loss. But she kept pointing out that I need a community of support. I have to say that I'm glad I did. I surprised that I am. But I have had people taking good care of my little girl and of me and my husband. I feel loved and supported.
Wow, this is novel, isn't it? I was happy to be in this group--it really is a small miracle I got pregnant in the first place. Even the doctor said so. I'll check back when my doctor lets me see her. (I actually put in paper work for another kind of medical. This one seems better. I get it Sept 1 and I have a lot more choices of who I can see. Including midwives. I discovered this early this morning. So I feel better and like, even though I don't have much choice in my medical care now, I will in a couple weeks.)
Everyone take care and enjoy moving into the second trimester.
Kate
It's been a hard weekend. My sweet little girl, though, draws me picture after picture. This morning it was a picture of both of us with a heart as the sun. My dh is working so hard to run our household and take of me and taking care of our little. It's a lot but we're hanging in there as a family and that is a comfort.
It helps so much to read everyone comments--thank you all.
I am set to see the doctor a week from today.
I'll update with a real update.
Thanks again for keeping our little family in your thoughts.
*****
I went to the emergency room yesterday and the doctor was horrible. I'm on Medi-cal and I think that was his problem with me. He came into the room and said, "What is it that you think I can do for you?"
He'd read my paperwork and I asked for an ultrasound.
"Why?"
"Um, because I want to see if the baby's heart is still beating."
"Do you think the baby's heart is not beating?"
"Well, I'm spotting and cramping and I'd like to know if everything is okay."
He told me I'd had an ultrasound earlier in the week and they wouldn't do another one. "It won't do any good. If you're miscarrying I can't do anything for you."
He also said, "I'm not surprised to see you back here--a pregnant woman your age." I'm 37.
So I was sent home and it seems worse. I woke up at three a.m. with bad, bad cramps and my dh sat with me. We talked about faith and our lives. He rubbed my back and we both got to this place of acceptance and peace. I mean, we're sad but hopeful for our future.
He's a computer guy and he's been out of work so this year has been hard. We talked for hours about our plans and, oddly, about how he's been cleaning up our house and clearing out things. We talked about people we need to not have in our lives and what we're willing to do to be able to keep homeschooling our daughter. It was odd and sad and beautiful.
Yesterday my sweet little girl cut up her blanky and wrote, "I love you" on a piece of it for me to have. I've been holding it close to my heart.
Oh,we've been talking about when to tell people about being pregnant. For the first time, I told everyone I was pregnant right away. My friend talked me into it. I was kind of doubtful because I have a history of loss. But she kept pointing out that I need a community of support. I have to say that I'm glad I did. I surprised that I am. But I have had people taking good care of my little girl and of me and my husband. I feel loved and supported.
Wow, this is novel, isn't it? I was happy to be in this group--it really is a small miracle I got pregnant in the first place. Even the doctor said so. I'll check back when my doctor lets me see her. (I actually put in paper work for another kind of medical. This one seems better. I get it Sept 1 and I have a lot more choices of who I can see. Including midwives. I discovered this early this morning. So I feel better and like, even though I don't have much choice in my medical care now, I will in a couple weeks.)
Everyone take care and enjoy moving into the second trimester.
Kate
