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Discussion Starter #1
<p>So let me start by saying that I have not had the c-section yet, but I'm 37 weeks with a breech baby and chances aren't looking good she's going to flip on her own (this is my first child and the placenta positioning may be keeping her from flipping). I was planning on doing an all natural birth but earlier this week, I fell and broke my tailbone so even if she does flip and I can have a vaginal birth, I will probably need pain killers because of the tailbone pain and inability to use many of the positions that help with pain during a natural delivery. Delivering a breech vaginally isn't an option-I'm seeing a midwife who delivers in a hospital and even if she were willing to try it, the hospital is not. I've done a lot of research into flipping breech babies but most of the exercises I can't do because of the broken tailbone.</p>
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<p>So I've been researching c-sections so if it happens, I am not completely unprepared and I'm having such a hard time with it, especially since this is my first pregnancy so I don't have the assurance from experience that I will bond with and love my baby no matter how she arrives in the world. I never in a million years thought I'd get a c-section and I'm terrified, extremely sad, and I hate to say it even resentful of my child. All these emotions aren't helped by the fact that I'm in almost constant pain and unable to do much but lie in bed with the tailbone injury being so new. I know that this isn't technically "birth trauma" because it hasn't happened but what can I do to help myself accept that a csection may be inevitable and that it's not mine or my baby's fault? I feel so selfish because I know things could be a lot worse with a fall like the one I took and I'm worried that if my attitude doesn't change, I am going to wind up with an awful physical and emotional recovery. Thank you very much for any suggestions you can give me.</p>
 

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<p>I'm so sorry you're in this tough situation! Hugs to you, mama.</p>
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<p><img alt="" src="http://files.mothering.com/hug2.gif" title=""></p>
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<p>First, be as gentle with yourself as possible. It is hard to be in a compromised situation and to let go of your ideals. Resentment, anger, sadness, & frustration are all to be expected. If you can, let yourself be OK with feeling what you're feeling...no reason to add additional layers of guilt because these emotions exist.</p>
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<p>C-section experiences vary quite a bit, and not all of them are traumatic or lead to trouble with breastfeeding & bonding. If you are prepared and know what to ask for, that can make a huge difference in how things go. There are a lot of threads in the Birth & Beyond forum about c-section birth plans and how to have a better c-section.</p>
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<p>There are also many voices from women who have experienced c-sections...all kinds of c-sections...and it might be helpful to hear that variety of perspectives. It has been helpful for me to see that both vaginal & c-section births can be experienced in a variety of ways, ranging from very positive to traumatic. No one is guaranteed a perfect outcome, no matter what their circumstances. And lots of women pull through very challenging situations and are OK in the long run.</p>
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<p>I have to get back to work but wanted to respond right away. Keep us posted on your journey!</p>
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Discussion Starter #3
<p>Thanks so much for your kind words and suggestions on where to look! I am not very good at navigating these forums so I hope I didn't replicate any existing threads too badly. I'm finding a lot of great resources here that make me feel so much better than what I've found from talking to people irl and somewhat random google searches. I've spent a couple more hours in this section reading and clicking on links and it's just what I needed. Thanks also to everyone who has shared their stories and insight in this forum...I'm definitely not feeling so alone anymore.</p>
 

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<p>I'm so glad you're finding solace and inspiration here on MDC!  No, you are not alone <span><img alt="wave.gif" height="29" src="http://files.mothering.com/images/smilies/wave.gif" width="25"></span></p>
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<p>A couple things to add....</p>
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<p>First, and know I say this with full sympathy--your situation at the moment kind of really sucks, doesn't it???  I think most of us would also feel what you've been feeling!  So--express those feelings somehow, cry, vent, write, make art, whatever--keep that energy moving through you in healthy ways--get support here and IRL.  Healthy emotional release can be SO helpful to changing conditions in our bodies--releasing tension, clearing our minds, helping new ideas and acceptance come to us.  Helping moms AND babies in the long run. </p>
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<p>Second--just to remind you that as a first time mom, you could still be a month or more from birth.  There may be plenty of time for your tailbone to heal, at least enough so that it's not such a problem in labor as you might now imagine.  I mention this partly because maybe your baby will finally flip to vertex; but even if not, you might as well wait for csec until you do go into labor.  That way, you can give your baby some of the benefits of labor, even if you ultimately do have surgery.  In your place, I think I would wait for labor, and also make the doc do a last minute ultrasound (before surgery), just to be SURE baby was still breech....because some babies don't decide to flip until the very. last. minute.</p>
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<p>3rd--if you're not seeing a good chiropractor (or physical therapist)--you should be.  I bet you could get OB prescription for one.  Find a chiro who sees lots of pregnant moms and neonates, practices Webster Technique...s/he will be able to aid gentle adjustment and make other suggestions for home-care that will all speed your healing.  If you prefer physical therapist, they also should have experience w/pregnant women and appropriate late-pregnancy care.  Yes, rest will still be important but more effective with some form of therapeutic support.  Hey, just gestate and heal for now and trust that you and baby will sort this out somehow in the time remaining--and you haven't said there is any reason (in yours or baby's conditions at present) for hurry.  There may be plenty of time before birthing-day, to heal <em>and</em> finish forming new plans that will work well-enough for you and baby.</p>
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<p>You thought you had a plan and now it's scrapped--and that does suck so much!  So sorry to hear this news for you <span><img alt="greensad.gif" height="15" src="http://files.mothering.com/images/smilies/greensad.gif" width="15"></span>  I too would grieve it, hate it, as you do right now...and then, keep finding the way forward into a new plan.  It sounds like you have time, and are finding support--so you go mama <span><img alt="thumb.gif" height="18" src="http://files.mothering.com/images/smilies/thumb.gif" width="23"></span>  We'll be cheering you on.</p>
 

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<p>I'm sorry.  It can be really hard to come to terms with not getting the birth you really wanted.  It's so cliche to say "all that matters is a healthy baby" and it's damn near impossible to stop yourself from wanting to punch anyone who DARES to say that to you...  but eventually, you can find a peace that you are making a tremendous sacrifice to bring your child into the world safely.</p>
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<p>Having a c-section was a good crash course for me on mothering-- humbling me and teaching me about all the curveballs the little ones throw at us... the best laid plans go out the window! </p>
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<p>But if you work on keeping your own calm center throughout all this, you can still work on every other aspect of mothering that appeals to you-- you can throw your heart into nursing and babywearing in a soft jersey wrap after a little healing time is just delicious, cuddling in bed together at night.  You may feel some grief over the birth process, or you may not.  Everyone experiences it differently. </p>
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<p>I will say that I had a good c-section as far as they are concerned.  My midwife stayed in the room with me and told me what was going on.  She helped me start nursing in recovery.  Daddy was able to be with baby every second after he came out of me, and baby never left me after being stitched up for the entire hospital stay.  Getting a private room was one of the better choices I've ever made in my life, even though that cost us $1,000 (I'm sure it won't cost that much, if anything, if you're not in NYC!).  It preserved some aspects of the afterbirth experience I was looking for.  I had an ok recovery, I think the hardest part of recovery for me is getting used to my scar/belly.</p>
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<p>Despite some nasty things I hear at times, not having a natural birth does not make you less of a mother.  Medicine is there for a reason and it helps those of us who need the help.  Part of the deal with wanting a natural birth is the willingness to compromise when the situation changes.  A hard thing to come to terms with, I know. </p>
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<p>Good luck. </p>
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<p>Well, I've had 3 c/s and a vba2c, so this is anectdotal, but I assure you that I love all my children the same!  With my third c/s (4th baby) I did have nasty baby blues on day 2, which I never had with any of my other births (including my first two c/s), but other than that, I never had any issues bonding with my c/s babies.  In fact, baby number two had serious problems and I wasn't able to hold her until she was 5 days old, and still never had trouble bonding.  I don't mean to say you won't have any bonding issues, just that it's much more complex than whether or not you had a c/s.</p>
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<p>I think the feelings of resentment are normal.  I had that with this baby to some extent, feeling like "why couldn't you just come out like dd3??" but when I would have a thought like that I would just acknowledge it and then remind myself that it wasn't his fault.  Emotions are what they are, don't feel guilty about them.  How you handle them and respond to them is what matters, ykwim?'</p>
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<p>Here's hoping your little one flips! </p>
 

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<div class="quote-container"><span>Quote:</span>
<div class="quote-block">Originally Posted by <strong>triskelion</strong> <a href="/community/forum/thread/1278893/preventing-anxiety-and-grief-over-c-section#post_16039884"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a><br><br><p>So I've been researching c-sections so if it happens, I am not completely unprepared and I'm having such a hard time with it, especially since this is my first pregnancy so I don't have the assurance from experience that I will bond with and love my baby no matter how she arrives in the world. I never in a million years thought I'd get a c-section and I'm terrified, extremely sad, and I hate to say it even resentful of my child. All these emotions aren't helped by the fact that I'm in almost constant pain and unable to do much but lie in bed with the tailbone injury being so new. I know that this isn't technically "birth trauma" because it hasn't happened but what can I do to help myself accept that a csection may be inevitable and that it's not mine or my baby's fault? I feel so selfish because I know things could be a lot worse with a fall like the one I took and I'm worried that if my attitude doesn't change, I am going to wind up with an awful physical and emotional recovery. Thank you very much for any suggestions you can give me.</p>
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<p><br><span><img alt="hug.gif" src="http://files.mothering.com/images/smilies/hug.gif">, mama. I'm sorry the end of your pregnancy and possibly the birth isn't going the way you had hoped and planned. I was in a similar boat (minus the tailbone break--ouch), with a complication arising at 36 weeks that left me facing induction and c/s if it failed. I ended up in a c/s after doing my best to have a normal, at least med-free delivery (even if I had every other intervention in the book!). I can report that I never remember feeling resentful of DS; I did/do struggle with feelings about my body's failing me. Despite the c/s, I did not have problems breastfeeding or bonding. As soon as I woke up from my very long first-sleep after surgery, I didn't want DS out of my arms, and I couldn't put him down for the first several weeks.</span> I still (19 mos later) mourn the loss the birth I worked so hard for, but it hasn't manifested as resentment of DS.</p>
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<p>I haven't had a major tailbone injury, so this may be completely inappropriate, but can you lean over the birthing ball? Would that cause you pain? I think it's a good position to encourage your LO to flip and one that I enjoyed for many hours during late pregnancy (I had a rib kicker who caused me lots of back pain).</p>
 

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Discussion Starter #8
<p>To update everyone who has been so kind on here-I had an "external version" procedure and she flipped! Here's hoping she stays that way and "cooks" some more. The tailbone is healing-I can now make it down the stairs and can prop myself into a reasonably comfortable sitting position, so it's nice to be able to appreciate small things like that. I'm not sure what it will mean for delivery, but to have my chances back at a vaginal birth is such a relief, I feel great. Just in case, I'm now incorporating a section about c-sections into my birth plan which is something I never would have considered if I hadn't come to this forum. I suppose I'm learning my lesson about how unpredictable parenting is early!</p>
 

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<p>This is great news--I'm so glad to hear it!</p>
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<p>I just knew that you had time for some changes and adjustments to occur....baby flipping, tailbone healing, getting prepared for all possibilities of birth...all that good stuff.</p>
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<p>Stay the course, mama!  Go as easy as you can on the tailbone, keep feeding your dreams of a natural birth according to your desire. </p>
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<p>all the best as you continue this journey :)</p>
 

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<p>That is wonderful news mama!  You might consider going to a chiropractor for the remainder of your pregnancy to help her stay that way.  They can monitor it, and use the Webster Method if she flips again.</p>
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<p>I have had a c/s, and am currently planning my 2nd HBAC.</p>
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<p>If I ever had to do it in the hospital again, here are the things I would really push for:</p>
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<p>1. Nursing right away (and continued nursing)</p>
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<p>2. Rooming in (The nurses always wanted to take my baby at the 11pm shift change, and then if I fell asleep they would keep him.  I have now learned that you can request they do their checks with you, in your room, without taking baby away.  Worst case, partner will leave with baby.  Basically Baby should be with a parent at all times.)</p>
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<p>3. Don't believe everything they tell you.  Keep asking for what you want.  Ask other people too.</p>
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<p>Good luck, and stay strong!</p>
 

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Discussion Starter #11
<p>Thanks everyone! And thanks for the hospital tips HappyMommy! I really wanted to do a free-standing birthing center birth but insurance woes sent me down the CNM in the hospital path, so I love hearing tidbits like that from people who have natural birthing philosophies but used hospitals. At least the hospital I'm using is the smaller of two in my area and has lower intervention rates because they don't have the pressure for people in and out of beds so much.</p>
 

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<p><strong>Triskelion:</strong></p>
<p>So glad to have found your thread. I am 38 weeks on Weds.  I have attempted the external version, specialized chiro care, moxa, and acupuncture.  I have done some of the suggestions from spinning babies as well.  He moves but doesn't stay head down.  I am scheduled for a c-section on 12/9/10, 39 weeks and 1 day. This is my 2nd baby, the first came on 38 weeks to the day, med-free, natural and delivered by CNM in a hospital.  Wonderful experience overall.  I am trying to prepare myself for something completely different but still hoping he'll turn on his own and stay put!</p>
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<p>I would love to keep in touch!</p>
 

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<br><br><div class="quote-container"><span>Quote:</span>
<div class="quote-block">Originally Posted by <strong>raspberry.swirl</strong> <a href="/community/forum/thread/1278893/preventing-anxiety-and-grief-over-c-section#post_16079800"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a><br><br><p><strong>Triskelion:</strong></p>
<p>So glad to have found your thread. I am 38 weeks on Weds.  I have attempted the external version, specialized chiro care, moxa, and acupuncture.  I have done some of the suggestions from spinning babies as well.  He moves but doesn't stay head down.  I am scheduled for a c-section on 12/9/10, 39 weeks and 1 day. This is my 2nd baby, the first came on 38 weeks to the day, med-free, natural and delivered by CNM in a hospital.  Wonderful experience overall.  I am trying to prepare myself for something completely different but still hoping he'll turn on his own and stay put!</p>
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<p>I would love to keep in touch!</p>
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<p>Give it some time!  If he is still moving, he can get head down.  My DS turned to breech and back at 39w, and he was 9lb 5oz and 22.5" when he was born at 41+2.  I did everything you mentioned plus massage, and when he turned breech the 2nd time, I was devastated. My doula suggested just letting it go--if he was going to be breech, he was going to be breech.  I was planning to wait until labor started anyway for a c/s, so I just "let go", and he turned back to vertex sometime after that.  Headspace definitely plays a role.  Turns out I also had a ton of amniotic fluid, so my big boy was floating comfy in there ;)</p>
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<p>That said, why not wait a while and see what happens?  Or try an external version + gentle induction with confirmed vertex position as long as you have a good Bishop score?  You have options.  Not that deciding on a c/s is the worst that could happen--I have BTDT, and they can be a calm, positive birth experience as well.<br>
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<br><br><div class="quote-container"><span>Quote:</span>
<div class="quote-block">Originally Posted by <strong>triskelion</strong> <a href="/community/forum/thread/1278893/preventing-anxiety-and-grief-over-c-section#post_16078838"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border-bottom:0px solid;border-left:0px solid;border-top:0px solid;border-right:0px solid;"></a><br><br><p>Thanks everyone! And thanks for the hospital tips HappyMommy! I really wanted to do a free-standing birthing center birth but insurance woes sent me down the CNM in the hospital path, so I love hearing tidbits like that from people who have natural birthing philosophies but used hospitals. At least the hospital I'm using is the smaller of two in my area and has lower intervention rates because they don't have the pressure for people in and out of beds so much.</p>
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<p>I was just reading about delayed cord clamping in <em>Gentle Birth Gentle Mothering</em>, and I am officially adding that to my list of important needs if I ever have to do the hospital again.  That cord blood is so important for the developing lungs and brain. </p>
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<p>I wonder if the OB would comply... but I would certainly push for it!!  My c/s son was in the nicu for 24 hours since he coughed up lung gunk and turned purple.  The natural birthing process squeezes that junk out!  And apparently the cord blood aids in the lungs unfolding properly too.</p>
 
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