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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
<p>Seeing as we've reached 100 pages on the initial dating thread, I thought I'd start a new one. I hope that's ok!</p>
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<p>Sooooo, it's time for an update from EVERYONE! Jump in, even if you don't have anything particularly related to dating...perhaps you have a crush on someone...perhaps you are just partying it up with your girlfriends..or maybe you're PLANNING on dating...just not right now. Whatever it is, we need some updates!!</p>
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<p>GO!</p>
 

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<p>I will update!</p>
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<p>Mr Wonderful and I have been seeing each other for almost a year now (1 year next month!). He is still wonderful! He is so good to the kids and I and he makes me laugh. He's so good with the kids which is amazing because when we first started dating his biggest concern was that I had kids and he thought he never wanted them. There is talk of moving in together and getting married one day, though it would not be for at least a couple of years yet.</p>
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<p>I honestly can't believe that it has been a year already!</p>
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<p>So yeah, that is my update! Not incredibly exciting!</p>
 

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<p>:)  Living vicariously through you all for a bit and soaking up life knowledge.  I actually kind of miss the fun of playing on OKC and the possibilities.   Surrogacy#2 is in the near future, so it's just me and DS and the cats for the duration.  Plus working on building IRL social opportunities that aren't romantic in nature.  I think that's at least as hard as dating for me!!! </p>
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<p>Random updates:</p>
<p>IYG/D2 is still around.  He's using me as free therapy about his ex.  But I sort of put my foot down about that and quit playing along.  I don't expect to hear from him for a couple of weeks.  They just got hired to do super quick screen-play rewrite and have to fit it in on top of school and work.  But he always seems to come back again.  He's messed up in some ways, but genuinely nice and someone I don't mind keeping in my life.</p>
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<p>Creepy play-date guy seems to have got the hint.  Once I got past Friday with no word, I breathed easier.  Anyone that stresses me out that much in two hours is not someone I'm going to willingly see again ever.  Life's too short.  Even I can summon a strong "no" for that one!</p>
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<p>So...in a year or so, I'll try it all again.  Definitely learned a few good lessons this past fall/winter though!  The most important thing I learned is that dating can be fun and is something I look forward to doing again!</p>
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<p>Oh let's see... what do I update first? lol</p>
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<p>Al and I were supposed to have a "closure" talk a week and a half ago over dinner, his suggestion... he canceled because his Mom went into the hospital. Turns out she was really sick this time and had to have surgery, cue in me feeling like an asshole. She's still in the hospital. He's completely reverted back into denying any feelings and is being a scared coward and has put me back into the "I'm not comfortable seeing you in person" box. But he wants to call today to have "the talk". hmm... not holding my breath on that one. I've written him an email that I'm going to send tonight. I doubt I will hear in email or phone, and I don't really care at this point. His major loss.</p>
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<p>Beekeeper has texted here and there, but usually just a "thinking of you". *shrugs* We are supposed to have date #2 on Thurs. but plans have not been made for that yet. I am still wanting to see him a second time just to be doubly sure on the no chemistry thing. I'd like to try to be friends with this guy because we have a lot in common and he's a pretty cool guy.</p>
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<p>There are a few other potentials on OKC that I've been exchanging correspondence with back and forth for anywhere from a couple of days to a week... no one has asked to go beyond that yet. But one, Mr. Dictionary, is the most intriguing of this group. Mr. Web Designer is a close second, with Contra Dance guy in third.</p>
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<p>I gave my number to Mr. Dictionary guy today, so we'll see how that plays out.</p>
 

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<p>I'm dating James, who is my highschool sweetheart/ first sexual partner from when I was a teenager. 20 years later and voila, we are back dating! Interesting.</p>
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<p>He is great with my kids, they really like him. DD17 knows that he and I dated for a bit while I was pregnant and her bio dad and I were split. (She has no contact w/ him, he disappeared years ago). She finds him intriguing and that is neat.</p>
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<p>DS10 is my Aspie and he thinks J is cool b/c he talks to Dyl about science and math.</p>
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<p>DD2 thinks James is the bomb and likes him very much. He sneaks her cookies too so I think her love is bought. :lol:</p>
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<p>I am very much loving the fun and connection with someone who gets me 110%</p>
 

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<p>Chiming in here though I am not dating.  :)  I have been celibate for the past 9 months while separated from STBX.  I got on OKC for a little while but couldn't bring myself to put a picture up-- it's too soon.  And even that limited involvement in online dating (basically reading others' profiles) really messed with my head.  I kept looking for these guys all over town-- there was a sort of weird energy to it.  Feeling more peaceful about being single since I stopped looking online.  Grateful to read about your experiences, and maybe I'll be ready someday...</p>
 

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<p>Mr Tall and I will be dating 4 months this month. Things are good. Stressed with kids- and trying to figure out what my next life move is... I feel like I am stuck in a rut.</p>
<p>Anyhow- things with him are great.</p>
 

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<p>Peeking my head in here.  Have been dating R for 8 months now.  Really happy with him.  Things are so calm and just kinda boring in a good way.  There is no drama, i don't have the bad communication patterns I had with x, we are both pretty mellow.  It is hard and i have to work at changing my reactions to things.  Being with a narcissist for 11 years really messed with my head.  Gas-lighting was a daily occurrence.  I find myself getting ready to react one way with R and then telling myself "no, he isn't trying to trick you, lie to you or hurt you.  Look at the situation, tell him how you feel and don't OVERREACT!"  This has been really helpful.  There has been much talk about living together in like 6 months or so...</p>
<p>He is amazing with my kids and they are kinda hard kids to like some days.  DD has sensory issues and doesn't like anyone.  DS1 is sweet but doing this crazy acting out due to wanting more attention from xh.  DS2 is a huge mamas boy and cries when he has to do visitation with xh, he will let R hold him and change him etc.</p>
 

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<p>Mr. Tall sent me a v-day card in the mail- it was very nice since he is out of town and it arrived today!!!  AWWW.. He has called me like 4 times today.</p>
 

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<br><br><div class="quote-container"><span>Quote:</span>
<div class="quote-block">Originally Posted by <strong>a-sorta-fairytale</strong> <a href="/community/t/1345231/private-dating-thread-part-deux#post_16877226"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style=""></a><br><br><p>Peeking my head in here.  Have been dating R for 8 months now.  Really happy with him.  Things are so calm and just kinda boring in a good way.  There is no drama, i don't have the bad communication patterns I had with x, we are both pretty mellow.  It is hard and i have to work at changing my reactions to things.  Being with a narcissist for 11 years really messed with my head.  Gas-lighting was a daily occurrence.  I find myself getting ready to react one way with R and then telling myself "no, he isn't trying to trick you, lie to you or hurt you.  Look at the situation, tell him how you feel and don't OVERREACT!"  This has been really helpful. </p>
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<br><br><p>This is exactly the same for me. I'm finding it really hard at times. Last weekend I was with LP and ended up leaving early because I knew I wanted to over react about something and was scared of how I would behave.  We talked it through the next day calmly which was amazing. LP seems to understand that I am very sensitive and expect to be lied to, manipulated, hurt or put down. I don't fish for reasurance but he does and says a lot to reasure me which I think I really need, even though I like to think I am getting through this divorce and staying strong and independant.</p>
 

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<p>Dating engineer for 5 months now. I'm super busy and so is he. Both full time students and solo parents. Lots of ups and downs. I like it when it's good, I hate it when it's not. He is supposedly moving in a few months across country so it may just end in that fashion. I am open to dating others..but I don't have the time for attempting to get to know someone either. Somehow it just works with Engineer and I. We talk daily and text all day. We help each other and have fun together. we also meet up on campus often.</p>
 

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<p>Not dating, but building confidence and intergender interpersonal skills with an emotionally close friend, Fiddler.  As you know already.  <span><img alt="redface.gif" id="user_yui_3_4_1_2_1329306176473_167" src="http://files.mothering.com/images/smilies/redface.gif"></span> </p>
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<p>I am finding great comfort in the idea of not remarrying or merging households with anyone until after my kids are grown and gone (10 years from now).  I need a lot of time to stand on my own -- I have been with XH since age 15 and living as married since age 19, and I am absolutely relishing not sharing my bed or my kitchen or my home with anyone but my kids (who do things my way, of course, LOL).</p>
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<p>I love the idea of eventually having relationships that don't require me to morph my life into a hybrid. </p>
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<p>Fiddler is a super good practice buddy.  No physical intimacy, just enjoying each other's company, sometimes emotional intimacy, and getting better at all of those foundational relationship skills.</p>
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<p>I have no doubt that this is a transitional relationship for both of us, and that is fine with me.  I'm in no hurry to move on to anything "more" with anyone.  If it was offered, I'd probably run in the other direction anyway.</p>
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<p>I am finding that I enjoy it when men in my life are attentive toward me, as a number of them are doing, even though it's innocent or within strong boundaries.  I like having male attention and energy around.  Feels delicious even if it's just friendly!</p>
 

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Discussion Starter · #13 ·
<p>Yay for all the awesome updates!</p>
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<p>AFM, I've been dating Manuel for...um..4 months or more. I can't remember exactly since the beginning was so "start and stop". Things are going so very well now. We're in a good groove. We see each other once or twice a week, and chat on the phone every day. He's so different than anyone I've ever been with...the dynamic is so...HEALTHY. There's no drama. No manipulation. No head games. I'm still trying to adjust because I expect to get screwed over, cheated on, etc. He's very reassuring, kind, sweet, romantic, suuuuuper generous in the intimacy department...and yes, he's sometimes still scared. Last night, he told me he loves me and said it takes courage for him to say it, because he's still scared of getting hurt. I guess in this respect, we're the same.</p>
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<p>We both have insanely busy lives so there's a good understanding between us that we can't be together every day, even if we want to, but frankly, I wouldn't want to. I'm really comfortable with the idea that I don't want to get remarried and don't want to move in with him, and that I need my own space and time, as does he. Who knows what'll happen in the future? Right now, this works and I am a happy woman.</p>
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<p>The one kind of "ugh" thing that happened last night, after our wonderful V day together was that I discovered I have a herpes outbreak on my tailbone again. *sigh* It didn't seem to phase Manuel, but it kind of got me down. I hate knowing that XH is the one who gave me this and that I have to carry it around with me forever. I don't even know why the thing popped up NOW of all times...hadn't had anything for 6 months or more...</p>
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<p>ANYHOW.</p>
 

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<p>HAM- I have a similar thing- but mine shows up on my nose.... of all places and they worry- and I worry someday it will make it's way to my eye.</p>
<p>So great Manuel was understanding- had you told him about it before?</p>
<p>I am so so so glad things are going at a good pace for you guys!  Sounds about like us- one or two days a week- then during the weekend....</p>
<p>I too find I like my own space but am unsure about how it would work living together- tho financially it would make a lot of sense for me- but I am in no hurry.</p>
<p>Somedays tho- when I am tired of being a single mom- and want help- I wish we lived together- or at least he was here after school at dinner etc- but I know thats not the right thing...</p>
<p>I love being at his house cause it is so clean and organized- my house is chaos....his house is peaceful and the kids behave so well there- I am trying to create that same atmosphere here- but am challenged.</p>
 

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Discussion Starter · #15 ·
<p>Em...I told Manuel about the herpes from the first day we started being intimate. He wasn't too worried about it then. Later on, we talked about it thoroughly, and he told me that it didn't scare him. Last night, he just said that by now, we've had sex so many times that if he's been infected, it's too late, so why stress. He's right, of course...I just have trouble with the "concept" of the herpes, because I know where I got it from. But if I'm logical about it, it's only these two little pinsized pimples on my tailbone. They don't hurt. They don't itch. And generally, it goes away within a few days, especially if I treat the area with peroxide, take oil of oregano orally and rest. Now that I think about it, I know why I had an outbreak NOW: I started weight training and cardio again on Monday, and it was the first time in a long time, so it probably stressed my system a bit. Until now, using unrefined coconut oil as my moisturized has kept everything under control...</p>
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<p>As for living together...I honestly don't see how it could work...At least not right now. His life is so erratic and mine is so regular. I think there would be conflicts. I'd much rather go over to his place and visit, and then come back home to MY place with MY things set up the way I want. Hehe can you tell I'm an only child?</p>
 

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<p>Thats great he handled it so well!  I think it is easier to deal with stuff like that as we get older.  My spot came on my nose recently to- its just now healing- it is gross- like a big cold sore on my nose- he was totally cool with it and even inspected it and was not grossed out- just told me to quit picking at it lol. </p>
 

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<p>Originally Posted by <strong>Halfasianmomma</strong> <a href="/community/t/1345231/private-dating-thread-part-deux#post_16877747"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style=""></a></p>
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<p>As for living together...I honestly don't see how it could work...At least not right now. His life is so erratic and mine is so regular. I think there would be conflicts. I'd much rather go over to his place and visit, and then come back home to MY place with MY things set up the way I want. Hehe can you tell I'm an only child?</p>
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<p><br>
I think that right now, your relationship is still in its early phases. You said upthread that its been somewhere more than 4 months. To start living together now could be devastating to your still developing relationship. In 6months you may feel differently. In a year you might feel differently. It's pretty healthy to maintain your own separate lives for a long while after starting to date. People get into trouble when they move in too soon, and blend their lives when the relationship hasn't gotten to that level yet.</p>
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Discussion Starter · #18 ·
<p>Have to agree with you there SSM. That's exactly what XH and I did, and the results were disastrous. With Saxman, we wanted to move in together but I soon discovered that I would be moving in on his "single guy" time, so it was a no go. What I'm enjoying this time around is NOT wanting to move in, and LIKING my situation. It's a nice shift in perspective.</p>
 

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<p>Granted, I'm not involved with anyone, but even in theory, I can't imagine moving in with anyone.  I think if I did, it would have to be marriage-bound.  And the concept of wanting to get married again is pretty vague.  I think a lot of it is having difficulty picturing anyone as a step-father.  I know people do it all the time with varying success.  Maybe when DS is older?  I jumped into things so quickly last time.  We met at a festival, then I left the country for the summer so we kept in touch via phone and email, got engaged 2 weeks after meeting, and he moved across country to live with me as soon as I got back in the fall.  We got married that spring.  There was no room for getting to know each other and deciding whether we were a good fit or not.  The day after I met him, I told people that I intended to marry him. </p>
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<p>One of my co-workers is a bit older than me...I'm guessing early 40s?  She's been seeing someone seriously for 5 yrs.  They both have their own houses, their own lives, and have no desire to join up.  She's got kids--I think the youngest is in junior high?  What she's got works perfectly for them.  I'm not sure if I'd like that as a long term thing either.  Ultimately, I'd like a life partner/husband again.  But only if the right fit comes along.  In the meantime...I loooooooooooooove having all the pillows in bed, never arguing about what to watch, only dealing with my own budget, cooking (or not) as I see fit, decorating the way I like...obviously the glamour of living alone hasn't worn off yet and it's been over two years!  :)</p>
 

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<p>OMG, I love having all the pillows in bed, too. </p>
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<p>I have five pillows!  I used to only have two, and then this year I just kept rearranging the pillows in our house and Santa brought some pillows last year...so there are enough...and I love love love it so much.  Also love having all the covers to myself (unless the kids crawl in, and even then I love that we aren't crowded like sardines.)</p>
 
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