[Heavenly]

We live with my inlaws and will do so for the next 2 years while my husband is in school full-time. My MIL works for the school board and is really against homeschooling. As I've already posted we are considering sending the kids to school in September. While I am leaning towards it I am still not decided and in my heart I really wish I could make homeschooling work. Anyways my son told my MIL that we are going to a school open house next week so now she is on my constantly trying to make sure that I get them signed up for school. I feel like the decision has been taken out of my hands now! I don't know 100% want I want to do but now my inlaws are constantly telling the kids how great school is and how much they'll love school and they (the inlaws) are basically acting as if it is already a done deal. I am having such a hard time imagining them being gone for 32.5 hours a week. I feel like I wouldn't even be a part of their lives! Plus they'd have to stop taking most of their lessons that they love because we won't be able to afford them (they'd be going to private school). And they would barely see their homeschool friends. And we would lose the lifestyle that we enjoy, being able to go wherever, whenever. The closer I get to having to make a decision the more my stomach hurts. But now that the inlaws now how can I ever back out of the school idea? They are very pushy and in your face type of people.

 

[runes]

<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug"><br><br>
it's not done until it's done.<br><br>
your kids...your decision.<br><br><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug">

 

[Lillian J]

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>Heavenly</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/10317378"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">But now that the inlaws now how can I ever back out of the school idea? They are very pushy and in your face type of people.</div>
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<span>Sounds like you need your husband to stand with you and talk to them about the fact that no decision has been made and that it will be a lot easier on everyone concerned if they would refrain from what they're doing. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug"><br><br>
Lillian<br></span>

 

[Krystal323]

sounds to me like your mind's pretty much made up against away-school, it's just that the inlaws will be pressuring you to do the opposite <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/irked.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="irked">:<br><br>
my heart goes out to you having to live w/them for the next two years--it makes me so sad to read thread after thread about folks who have controlling inlaws yet they choose to live with them because of x y or z being better/easier that way.<br><br>
icky situation--i wish you luck with it! <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/redface.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Embarrassment">

 

[SquibsNCrackers]

<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug"> I agree with Lillian J.<br><br>
Just because you checked out a school doesn't mean you have to go there. They should be reassured that you're considering all the options, and be silenced when they realize you're choosing to learn at home even after checking out schools. Well, imo. Obviously, that's not where they're coming from. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug">

 

[thehippiemama]

Sorry your inlaws are trying to sway your decision making. I would tell them that the decision is not made and you are just exploring options by attending the open house.

 

[sunnmama]

I agree with Lillian; your dh needs to ask her to stop. But, considering the history, I'm pretty sure she is doing it intentionally to *make* it harder for you to choose homeschooling next year <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/irked.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="irked">:<br><br>
I don't know how this would work with your kids, but we are actually very honest here about how much fun we had in school. We talk about away-school in a very positive way, because we don't want our dc to dread or fear away-school. We want dd to homeschool because she loves homeschooling, not because she thinks school is bad. So if you can't stop MIL from talking up all the exciting things about school--counter it (privately, with your kids) by talking up all the great things about homeschooling. Maybe you could even acknowledge to your kids that, yes, those things grandma said are true for lots of kids in school....but it is a big decision (unmade decision) because there are so many things you enjoy so much about homeschooling. Invite your kids to name them, and make a big list. You could even make a chart, listing the positives of both from your dc's pov. Dd is able to talk openly about the pros of both school and homeschooling (from her pov), and be very happy with our decision to homeschool--but I don't know if that is unusual for a young child or not.

 

[Leav97]

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<table border="0" cellpadding="6" cellspacing="0" width="99%"><tr><td class="alt2" style="border:1px inset;">
<div>Originally Posted by <strong>Heavenly</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/10317378"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">I don't know 100% want I want to do but now my inlaws are constantly telling the kids how great school is and how much they'll love school and they (the inlaws) are basically acting as if it is already a done deal.</div>
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<br>
I don't know your relationship with your inlaws but, if my MIL was doing that, I would look at her and say, "If you have to sell school that hard the school must really suck. I guess I'll cancel going to the open house."<br><br>
And I like sunnmama's ideas.

 

[grahamsmom98]

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<div class="smallfont" style="margin-bottom:2px;">Quote:</div>
<table border="0" cellpadding="6" cellspacing="0" width="99%"><tr><td class="alt2" style="border:1px inset;">We live with my inlaws and will do so for the next 2 years while my husband is in school full-time. My MIL works for the school board and is really against homeschooling. As I've already posted we are considering sending the kids to school in September. While I am leaning towards it I am still not decided and in my heart I really wish I could make homeschooling work. Anyways my son told my MIL that we are going to a school open house next week so now she is on my constantly trying to make sure that I get them signed up for school. I feel like the decision has been taken out of my hands now! I don't know 100% want I want to do but now my inlaws are constantly telling the kids how great school is and how much they'll love school and they (the inlaws) are basically acting as if it is already a done deal. I am having such a hard time imagining them being gone for 32.5 hours a week. I feel like I wouldn't even be a part of their lives! <b>Plus they'd have to stop taking most of their lessons that they love because we won't be able to afford them (they'd be going to private school).</b> And they would barely see their homeschool friends. <b>And we would lose the lifestyle that we enjoy, being able to go wherever, whenever.</b> The closer I get to having to make a decision the more my stomach hurts. But now that the inlaws now how can I ever back out of the school idea? They are very pushy and in your face type of people.</td>
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As relates to the statements I made bold:<br><br>
How much is this private school going to cost? Is it coming out of your pockets, or your in-laws? Either way, tell them you'd rather save the money so you can move into your own place earlier and homeschool instead. If it is your money, put it towards rent on an apartment, move out and take control of your full lives. If your in-laws are planning on paying the tuition, tell them thanks but, no thanks.<br><br>
About that lifestyle, it doesn't sound like you can do that now. If your in-laws are so controlling and your husband is a full-time student, where's to go and when to go??<br><br>
The best thing you can do is take full control of your own lives. STOP living with your in-laws. Even if the rent is free, is their control over your life worth it?? Your children will grow-up the way your in-laws want them to, your decisions will always come second if you set this precedence.

 

[Astoria]

Tell her that she is backing you into a corner and that the more she talks it up, the less you feel like doing it. This is your decision and you need privacy to make it. If you feel bullied, you won't be able to choose positively and you will probably not send them to school. Tell her very directly that you are fully aware of her position and do not want to hear anything more about it.<br><br>
Oh, and if you are considering the school, see what kind of tuition insurance they offer. If a private school gives you tuition insurance, you may be able to decide to leave and homeschool midyear without loosing all that money. You would get at least some of it back.

 

[mommy68]

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>kidspiration</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/10317515"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;"><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug"><br><br>
it's not done until it's done.<br><br>
your kids...your decision.<br><br><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug"></div>
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I agree. Although I can only imagine how hard it would be to make that decision with them in the house telling you to do otherwise. Just do what you feel is best for your family.

 

[Wolfmeis]

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>Heavenly</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/10317378"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">The closer I get to having to make a decision the more my stomach hurts. But now that the inlaws now how can I ever back out of the school idea? They are very pushy and in your face type of people.</div>
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They are providing a roof over your head. They are providing food and shelter for you and your children. They love them as they would their own.<br><br>
None of this mitigates the fact that they are your children. You did not sign over your parental rights in exchange for room and board.<br><br>
Buck up, take them out of the equation and do what YOU as parents decide is best, whatever that may be.

 

[spruce]

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>Wolfmeis</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/10324163"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">You did not sign over your parental rights in exchange for room and board.<br></div>
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<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/thumb.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="thumbs up"><br><br>
It sounds as if you know in your heart that public school (or out-of-home private schooling) is NOT what you want for your children.<br><br>
You *must* be the mom here. Your stomach hurts because you're thinking as a daughter (or daughter-in-law)...but you have to think as a mom, as a mama bear, as someone in control of her childrens' lives.<br><br>
Let your MIL vent her fears, frustrations, concerns, etc., and answer issues you feel are important to answer. But don't let yourself be backed into a corner just because you live in the same house with the woman.<br><br>
She's justifying her years and her time with the school board by forcing your hand and guilting you into sending the kids to school. THere is, IMHO, NOTHING a school can offer a 6 or 7 year old that you cannot provide (in a calmer, more directed and free atmosphere) at home. You aren't teching calculus here...you're working on reading, place value and the water cycle. It's not rocket science, but it is a huge benefit to the kids and to your family to be able to do school at home and to have freedom of movement with your schedules.<br><br><br><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug"><br><br>
Good luck, Mama.<br><br>
love, penelope