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What do you think of this, My midwife has found an assistant to help with my birth but i am not thrilled with the situation well my DH is not thrilled I should say and his feelings have to play a part in this too, so i dont know what to do here,<br>
the assistant will be bringing her newborn baby with her and my dh doesnt feel as though he wants another baby here during the birth of ours well i already told my midwife that it was ok but he is ademnet on this now i dont know what to do or how to handle this, please give me advice what I should do here.
 

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I would just say that after you and your DH talked about it, he feels uncomfortable w/the idea of a newborn at your birth, and would like to have someone who doesn't bring a baby. A good MW will understand. It's your birth, you should only have the people there that you really want.
 

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We had trouble with finding an assistant as well. Our MW's was on maternity leave, so we had o find our own. I had found one, but she basically said that if my DH wasn't supportive of HB, he just shouldn't be there. Felt like smacking her, she said this IN OUR OWN HOUSE. Needless to say, she got the boot.<br><br>
We found a friend who would help, and she did great. Our MW said she didn't need training, just an extra pair of hands when the MW needed help. She went through the supplies & stuff with her beforehand so she was familiar with it.<br><br>
So try to find a supportive friend who can be there. It's your birth, and you should have someone there whom your comfortable with.
 

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Just tell your mw that the assistant wont work.<br><br>
I have done this before. My mw has 3 or so assistants she can call on in order to have one that will work with different woman.<br><br>
The last thing you need at YOUR birth is someone who your not comfortable with.<br><br>
An assistant with a newborn isnt much help so I have heard from those who have had assistants bring their babies with them to a birth.
 

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Agreeing with the others - you just need to tell her you don't want that<br><br>
It is your birth and homebirth is about making your own birthing choices, so don't feel like you have to accept what is being offered
 

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If you don't want her there, just say no. You should not have anyone at your birth who you are not 100% comfortable with. Don't worry that you already said it was ok--it's YOUR birth and you have very right to do what you want, even if it entails changing your mind.<br><br>
One of the reasons I didn't use my first midwife again is that she didn't take seriously (until I insisted) my issues with having her brand new assistant at my second birth...I switched to a midwife who was willing to listen to me without my having to make an issue of it (and ended up UC'ing).
 

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Be honest.
 

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Our midwife who attended us had no assistant. She just showed my friend what she might ask for and my friend already knew what I needed in labor. So though it may give learning opportunity for the assistant, it needs to be one you agree with or none at all.
 

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Yeah, just tell her. I'm very picky, and turned down two people from my MW, her back-up MW that had been attending births with her, and an assistant. I couldn't stand the back-up MW, and the assistant I liked very much but she had to bring a toddler with her and I didn't want DD1 and the toddler fighting, etc...
 

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I agree. Somebody with an infant or toddler around wouldn't be able to focus on you anyway. It seems like a no-brainer to me. She can't work and focus on her child at the same time. You need people focussed on YOU, your labor, and your birth.
 

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>MsElle07</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/7985237"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">I would just say that after you and your DH talked about it, he feels uncomfortable w/the idea of a newborn at your birth, and would like to have someone who doesn't bring a baby. A good MW will understand. It's your birth, you should only have the people there that you really want.</div>
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ditto!<br><br>
honestly i can't imagine bringing a nb to a birth even if they sleep in the sling the whole time. how would you be able to give your whole focus to the mother? what would you do if your baby started crying and needed attention during an intense part of the labor or delivery. it just doesn't make sense to me.
 

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Have you heard back from her? I'm hoping she understands - it's never a good idea to have a homebirth with someone or a situation you don't feel comfortable with.
 

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Discussion Starter #14
nope i havent heard back yet and i am pretty much paid up to her so finding another midwife is completely out of the question i dont have any more money to shell out, besides i like her and hate to have any hard feelilngs so i will give her another day and then call her again.<br>
i will let you all know how it goes.
 

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I would definitely be firm about the assistant. I would have a hard time opening my birth up to a baby. I know people that do it, but as a mother, I know how hard it is just being a mother and being at a birth - having a baby there is a whole 'nother complication. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/greensad.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="greensad"><br><br>
You can always switch midwives - the birth hasn't happened yet and most midwives offer a refund if you transfer care at some point in the pregnancy. Do you have a financial agreement you signed? Does it mention this?<br><br>
It's YOUR birth. It's not the assistant's birth or the midwife's birth. Your choices and wishes should be honored.
 

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honestly i can't imagine bringing a nb to a birth even if they sleep in the sling the whole time. how would you be able to give your whole focus to the mother? what would you do if your baby started crying and needed attention during an intense part of the labor or delivery. it just doesn't make sense to me.[/QUOTE]<br><br>
I have done this twice. Both times the mamas wanted me to be there so much that when I said, but I can't leave my baby, they said okay. I either sling'd or put them in a swing when I needed to. It worked fine,but they were very young babies.
 
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