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(I'm not sure if that's the best thing to call it- I'm going from this page <a href="http://www.davethomasfoundation.ca/dtfa_canada/basics/basics_index.asp" target="_blank">http://www.davethomasfoundation.ca/d...sics_index.asp</a>)<br><br>
Has anyone here done this? I *think* that most of these children are special needs in some way?<br><br>
Basically, I've felt a calling to adopt for as long as I can remember, and dp is totally open to adoption. I feel very drawn to adopt through the foster system/child welfare. I don't think it's a money thing either...I'm just more drawn to it than to other types of adoption.<br><br>
I just need to be honest about what I can deal with, what types of "special needs" we could nurture. I know that race isn't an issue at all- Neither of us have any racial preferences at all. (We are both caucasian, so I don't know if that would affect a SW's decision or not, as far as not wanting to place kids with parents of a different race.)<br><br>
But everything else, it seems I have an opinion about. I'd prefer a child under 2 (mainly because of what I've read about bonding/trust. I'm open to education on that.) Ds is 3yo, so I'm firm about staying younger than ds. We can't start the process until after I get my permanent resident status, which could be another year, so ds might be 4.<br><br>
Also, I'm not sure what other special needs I could handle. I doubt I could do a sibling group. I get overwhelmed when ds has a friend over and they both want something at the same time!<br>
I also don't know if I could handle medical and mental special needs. Not that I'm not willing to learn more about it, of course.<br><br>
Is this even an option that might work for us?
 

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I have felt the call to foster/adopt since I was about 14. I never even considered going international as I felt my calling here, to be working with sib groups. We were licensed through the state for foster/adopt about 1 month ago, and last week were matched with a sib group of 4 under 5 <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/jumpers.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="jumpers">:<br><br>
It is illegal for social workers to consider race as a factor in placements, so you being white does not preclude you from adopting children of another race. However, you do need to consider that if you do, you need to keep the children involved with their cultural background as well as be able to deal with negative comments from people.<br><br>
Pretty much any child will have issues that you adopt out of foster care, and it's a matter of knowing that you're doing this to help the kids, and make sure you don't take on more than you can handle (which it sounds like you have thought about already). The biggest mistake you can make is to assume that the child only needs a loving home, and as soon as they arrive in your home they will love you just like the birth child(ren) you already have. They will struggle, as they remember at least something about their birth families, and think that by loving you they cannot love their birth families anymore, or remember how they were torn from their birth mother.<br><br>
If you haven't already, I would call agencies around your area to see about attending the foster care classes. This would give you a good introduction to some of the issues children in foster care have seen and behaviors you can expect them to exhibit.<br><br>
If you are not willing to foster, it will be difficult to get a child under 2 that does not have significant needs, at least around here.<br><br>
As far as attachment/bonding/trust, age isn't necessarily the biggest factor - a lot depends on their life from age 0-3 and how they've dealt with their past issues. Every adopted child will go through stages of grief until they are able to form an attachment to you. And some of the most troubled children never do form an attachment.<br><br>
The best thing I can suggest to you is to try to educate yourself as much as possible. Talk to foster/adopt agencies in your area. Read books on older child adoption, foster care, attachment issues. Some that I've found helpful are:<br><br>
Adopting the Hurt Child (Keck and Kupecky)<br>
Parenting the Hurt Child (Keck and Kupecky)<br><br>
Good luck!
 

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I'm in the process of waiting to be matched with a state child. I have been waiting since July 2006. I have recently switched agencies, and am waiting for the sw to write up my final homestudy. With this new agency, i am also getting a foster license. I expect to be approved to adopt up to three kids, ages 0-10, any race, with "mild to moderate needs", and for fostering, ages 0-4 up to three kids (we HS so i didnt really want to deal with school aged foster kids)....i can have a boy of any age, but a girl would need to be under 3 yrs old as she would have to sleep in my room (i have a two bd apt.)<br><br>
"Special needs" can mean anything, from a child with severe emotional or developmental needs, complex medical issues, age, race, or sibling status. Also, each individual state has their own criteria for what they consider special needs (and therefore which children are eligible for adoption subsidy assistance)...in my state (MI), children under age 3 are not generally considered special needs, unless they were at a "Level 2" foster care level (which would indicate some significant issues), or unless they are part of sib group in which one or more sibs are over age 3 (then all kids in the group would get subsidy.) So for example, here in MI, a relatively healthy 2.5 yr old African-American boy, who was perhaps drug-exposed at birth and has some minor developmental delay, would likely not be eligible for subsidy, but that same boy, if he had a four yr old sibling would be eligible.....and if he was adopted at 3 yrs old, instead of 2.5 he would likely be eligible. In other places, all children who are in foster care are considered special needs and qualify.<br><br>
If i would have read your post six months ago, i would have been somewhat negative, telling you to forget your chances of being able to adopt a relatively healthy younger child straight adoption. But now that i'm with my new agency, and they DO place babies, toddlers, and preschoolers all the time, i am more positive about it. So it really depends on the individual agency, the county and state that you live in, and what type of child you can adopt. Also...if you are willing to foster, with the risk that the child may be reunified with his parents, then your chances are even greater. You could ask for infants straight from the hospital, and even then you'd likely get a placement in no time.<br><br>
I used to think that "all kids in foster care have issues", and since i've been trying to adopt solely from state photolisting sites (which tend to be the hardest to place kids), i kind of have a skewed idea of what those issues would be (the kids that i inquire on tend to have significant emotional issues, disrupted placements, etc)....but after meeting some parents who have adopted through my new agency, i've discovered that not ALL kids have significant issues, that many many kids do adjust well, dont need to see a therapist weekly for years, arent on lots of psychotropic medication. Most kids in my state (like 90 percent)are adopted by their foster parents....so only the most difficult to place are listed on our state photolisting. So i'd say photolistings arent the best way to gauge what type of child is available to adopt.<br><br>
What state are you in?<br><br><br>
Katherine
 

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Congratulations on keeping an open mind to this type of adoption! Its a LONG process, but well worth it when you get your child!<br>
Im not sure where you are from so I will give you an idea of my state, but I suggest you go ahead and speak with someone in your state, they can get you the information you need!<br>
In the state of Texas, special needs only applies if:<br><br>
Minority child age 2 and up<br>
Caucasion child age 6 and up<br>
Chronic health concern requiring weekly to monthly monitoring<br>
Disabilities that are ongoing<br><br>
I think and believe that a child from a sexual abuse situation may also fall into this category as they have a lot of issues they must work through.<br>
In our state, when you are looking to foster/adopt, you can specify what age you are willing to accept, what race, and what situations (that hte child is coming from) that you are willing to accept. They allow such freedom because they want only those prepared to deal with a particular child to do so. If you just dont feel comfortable with certain special needs, then be honest, they will not look down on you for anything, they like that you know what you can and cannot handle. Personally, I dont believe God made me with the patience to be a special needs (severe physical disabled) parent. I do believe there are those out there with the calling though!<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile"><br>
All children you recieve through child services will have had a history of some kind of abuse or neglect. Its a fact. But, it doesn't necessarily mean that there is something horrible they will remember.<br>
My daughter was given to us at 12mths of age. She had been kept in a carseat most of her infant life, with a bottle propped...when she got a bottle.From 4-6mths she was not given formula but watered down apple juice.<br>
She is VERY well adjusted, and is a very smart and virtually healthy child. BUT, little things do crop up. She was recently diagnosed with Sensory Processing Disorder. They believe that it may be due to the fact that she recieved virtually no stimulation as a child...now she is trying to make up for it...extra hard. Its hard thing to hear as a parent, and it makes me angry, but she is still beautifula nd smart, and she will move through this and learn to cope.<br>
I love to hear people looking into this type of adoption. I think adoption in general is a very positive thing, but it seems (at least to me) that people just dont think about adopting through child services as much...<br>
I wish you TONS of luck and happiness in your journey, I know it will bless you immensely!
 

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Discussion Starter · #5 ·
Thank you everybody! We are in BC, Canada.<br>
I'm worried about my patience too. I mean, I'm definitely gd, and strive to be very patient with ds and all. But I've come to find that I'm not the most patient person in the world (that award could possibly go to my dp though <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/loveeyes.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Loveeyes"><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile">.<br><br>
Yeah, as soon as I get my Resident status (it could be anywhere from 9 mos to a year, or longer if there's any questions about it, and we sent it in a few months ago), I'm going to try to get in contact with people to get more educated on this.<br><br>
I know I'm thinking about it way early. I think it's because there are so many women around me who are going to have babies. It gets my maternal thing going, and adoption is the only option I will consider.<br><br><div style="margin:20px;margin-top:5px;">
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<div style="font-style:italic;"><br>
If you are not willing to foster, it will be difficult to get a child under 2 that does not have significant needs, at least around here.<br><br>
As far as attachment/bonding/trust, age isn't necessarily the biggest factor - a lot depends on their life from age 0-3 and how they've dealt with their past issues. Every adopted child will go through stages of grief until they are able to form an attachment to you. And some of the most troubled children never do form an attachment.<br></div>
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As far as fostering, I would be willing to (I really want to), but dp doesn't think he'd be able to handle having a child leave. Also... I *think* I'd read that they don't do "foster to adopt" in BC.<br><br>
I'm glad you said that about age, and trust. It does make sense. I guess...I really want to adopt, and I really want to help. It breaks my heart that there are older kids that have no real families. It's just...fear I guess, that keeps me from considering it. yk?<br><br><div style="margin:20px;margin-top:5px;">
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<div style="font-style:italic;">i can have a boy of any age, but a girl would need to be under 3 yrs old as she would have to sleep in my room (i have a two bd apt.)<br></div>
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I was wondering about that as well. We have 2 bedrooms, and a ds. I was curious as to whether we'd be allowed boys only. Which would be fine, either way.
 

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I was wondering about that as well. We have 2 bedrooms, and a ds. I was curious as to whether we'd be allowed boys only. Which would be fine, either way.</td>
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In the state of Texas a child must have their own room in your home. And I believe there is even an amonut of square foot that has to be in that room too...but not positive on that one!<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile">
 

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>Deva33mommy</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/9899638"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">I was wondering about that as well. We have 2 bedrooms, and a ds. I was curious as to whether we'd be allowed boys only. Which would be fine, either way.</div>
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I'm not sure about BC, but i know in the US, it varies widely by state...in MI, each child must have 40 sq ft of bedroom space (therefore i can have 3 boys total in my son's room, because its about 150 sq ft), i can have one additional child in my room. Here, a child under 3 can room w/ parents, and children under a certain age (i think its age 5)can room together if they are different sexes, but after that must have seperate bedrooms. A child cannot share a bedroom with a non-parent adult over 18, unless its a sibling or unless the child has medical needs that require nighttime monitering.<br><br>
In many states, only babies under 2, or under a year, or under 6 months can room in w/ parents. It just depends. Also keep in mind, that if they place a baby with you, if you have that child long enough to go over that "rooming in" age limit, they would then need to be placed in another room.<br><br><br>
Katherine
 

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My mom is fostering a baby right now and they are considering adopting him. He was born on meth but beyond the first few weeks doesn't seem to have any lasting repercussions from it, though it puts him at higher risk of ADHD and aggressive tendencies when he's older. Not a big deal, IMO.<br><br>
A child's history can be VERY important. A child pulled from a situation of neglect at 6 mo. would be much worse off than my brother, who's been in a loving foster home with attached and involved foster parents since he was a few days old. A couple of the teens my mom has fostered were literally incapable of bonding with anyone--such kids tend not to do well in a foster family, let alone adoption. One girl went to a group home from my mom's and is doing much better there.<br><br>
There is often state support for adopting children with special needs. A friend of my mom's adopted a little girl with severe hearing loss (not totally deaf, hearing aids help her), and they got help all through her childhood with related medical expenses, etc.<br><br>
In TX the rules for sharing rooms are that a baby under a year can be in the foster parent's room, opposite-sex sibs can share a room if they are both under age 6 and related (stupid rule, I'd be more concerned about history than arbitrary age and relatedness, kwim?), foster kids over 1 yr. can't share a room with an unrelated adult and unrelated children sharing a room must be the same sex.<br><br>
Once your adoption is final, of course, the child is yours and related and you're free to choose your own sleeping arrangements.
 

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>Deva33mommy</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/9899638"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">As far as fostering, I would be willing to (I really want to), but dp doesn't think he'd be able to handle having a child leave. Also... I *think* I'd read that they don't do "foster to adopt" in BC.</div>
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my mom is a social worker and told me that they do this in BC. Welcome to the province, btw:p
 
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