[VisionQuest]

I have finally hit a point in my life where I need to be organized, not only for the family but to teach my dds how to organize their things. Our house is about 1300 square feet, just filled to the gills and I'm ready to breathe again.<br><br>
A bit of background: I've always been the "messy one", and dh was extremely organized when we met. Now, he has relaxed his stance and just doesn't care anymore.<br><br>
I need to learn to cook (after all, I'm 40), so I started going through the kitchen and throwing out old spices and food. I got to the cooking utensil drawer, which is a pullout drawer, being about 12"X12", and the front of the drawer about 8-9". This drawer has accumulated odds and ends of cooking utensils since we moved in (1989). To learn to cook, I wanted to see what tools I do have on hand and get rid of what hasn't been used since we moved in. I made up a box to get rid of, which is about the size of a box that a dozen boxes of Girl Scout cookies come in, so it's not overly huge.<br><br>
Dh went ballistic! He said that he'd just take the box to his new house and use them there, meaning he'd leave. I then took the box and just dumped the stuff back into the drawer.<br><br>
I've decided to box the items back up and tell him to do whatever he wants with them. They'll probably be stored in the abyss, aka the garage, to never be used.<br><br>
I just can't deal with this situation. I know we've spent money on things, but how can I be organized if I'm swimming in stuff? I believe, and dh admits, that he has a hoarding problem but won't do anything about it.<br><br>
Any suggestions on what I can do?

 

[Penelope]

He threatened to leave you because you cleaned out a drawer? Was he just being ridiculous or was he really that angry?<br><br>
If it's the latter, you have less of a clutter problem and more of a dh problem, IMO. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug">

 

[bwylde]

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>Penelope</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/7926018"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">He threatened to leave you because you cleaned out a drawer? Was he just being ridiculous or was he really that angry?<br><br>
If it's the latter, you have less of a clutter problem and more of a dh problem, IMO. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug"></div>
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Ditto! I mean, old spices, food and cooking utensils? I would just throw them out when he wasn't around. I would ask what he truly thinks he will do with them if he's making that big a deal of it.<br><br>
I too have a problem with DH as he can't let anything go. Anything I want to get rid of, I do when he's not around and most of the time, he doesn't even notice. Gradually he's getting more on board as he's seeing how the clutter is making us feel so down. He still has yet to toss anything of his own yet, though. Maybe your DH will warm up to it more if he sees how much better things can be.

 

[Plaid Leopard]

MY Dh is reluctant to get rid of anything as well. I've been purging my stuff and every once in a while I will get rid of a couple of household things we don't need. He doesn't usually notice, as it's just one or 2 things at a time, not a whole box full.<br>
I am also hoping that as time goes by and DH sees how much nicer life can be without all the junk lying around that he will get on board with the decluttering too.

 

[amnda527]

Dh has a LOT of clothes. Mostly just t-shirts. A few weeks ago I went through his dresser drawers and pulled out the t-shirts I never see him wearing. He is very picky, and only wears certain colors, designs etc. So I had this big stack of old t-shirts that he never wears sitting on the bed ready to be given away. I told him to go through it all and make sure he didn't want to keep anything. He wanted to keep most of them because they were given to him by his parents so he felt bad getting rid of them. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/dizzy.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Dizzy">: He doesn't like them. He has NEVER worn them, but he feels bad donating them so they will just sit in his drawer for all eternity! Drives me nuts. He is like that with everything his parents give him, not just clothes.

 

[LittleOne03]

My husband had a really difficult time getting rid of anything at first too. His parents (mostly mom) never gets rid of ANYTHING, and it was very deeply ingraned in him. What ended up helping the most was freecycle. This way he knows that the things that we don't need and can't use are goign to someone that will be able to use them. Then, in the future, if we find we do need something, we can look for it on freecycle. It helped him feel free to get rid of things, and now he's ready to freecycle anything that we're not needing now.

 

[Plaid Leopard]

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>amnda527</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/7927170"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">Dh has a LOT of clothes. Mostly just t-shirts. A few weeks ago I went through his dresser drawers and pulled out the t-shirts I never see him wearing. He is very picky, and only wears certain colors, designs etc. So I had this big stack of old t-shirts that he never wears sitting on the bed ready to be given away. I told him to go through it all and make sure he didn't want to keep anything. He wanted to keep most of them because they were given to him by his parents so he felt bad getting rid of them. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/dizzy.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Dizzy">: He doesn't like them. He has NEVER worn them, but he feels bad donating them so they will just sit in his drawer for all eternity! Drives me nuts. He is like that with everything his parents give him, not just clothes.</div>
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<br>
Are you married to my DH?<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/lol.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="lol">

 

[*clementine*]

My dh didn't used to be like that, but he is now....I don't get it.<br>
So here's what I do.<br>
I get rid of stuff and don't tell him. I SWEAR to god, he dosen't notice. On the off chance that he'll bring something up, I'm like....I think that's in the basement.....and of course he dosen't go check.<br>
For instance, he kept this old coat that didn't fit him, and hadn't fit him, in 10 years. Right in our closet. I sold it at a garage sale 2 years ago for $30 and he's never asked where it went.<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/lol.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="lol"><br>
So I ignore him and do what needs done.<br>
We'd be up to our ears in junk if I didn't.<br>
I know it's not the most respectful way to go, but dh's issues are oh so bizarre.<br>
I've even caught him digging through trash bags to see what I'm throwing away. Ever single time he starts whinning and says "but my MOM gave us that."<br>
(Uh...no she didn't.)<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/dizzy.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Dizzy">:

 

[Ellien C]

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>Penelope</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/7926018"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">He threatened to leave you because you cleaned out a drawer? Was he just being ridiculous or was he really that angry?<br><br>
If it's the latter, you have less of a clutter problem and more of a dh problem, IMO. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug"></div>
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I disagree. Hoarding is a real disease. He was feeling totally panicked at the thought of getting rid of things, like his life was being taken away. It was an insensitive knee-jerk response, but we're not talking rationality here.<br><br>
As for what to do, there's a couple of different points of view - one is to take baby steps - box us the utensils and put them in the kitchen, then move the box to the basement, then the garage, then out they go.<br><br>
Another might be to try to agree - 2 spatulas and 3 big spoons are enough. Let's put the melon baller, soda can opener, and orange peel starter in a box and if we don't use them in x months, we'll get rid of them.<br><br>
And yet another approach is to nip it in the bud and haul out the stuff before it gets worse. You might ask DH as to his preferred approach.

 

[libranbutterfly]

MY dh likes to hang on to the gifts people give us as well, even if it is not something we will use. When the girls get presents, he will immediately open every plastic toy <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/banghead.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="banghead"> I keep telling him that people would rather we have something we will use, but he says that they picked out this thing, we should just use it?!?!

 

[marybethorama]

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>jillkuster</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/7929732"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">My dh didn't used to be like that, but he is now....I don't get it.<br>
So here's what I do.<br>
I get rid of stuff and don't tell him. I SWEAR to god, he dosen't notice. On the off chance that he'll bring something up, I'm like....I think that's in the basement.....and of course he dosen't go check.<br><br>
snip<br><br>
I've even caught him digging through trash bags to see what I'm throwing away. Ever single time he starts whinning and says "but my MOM gave us that."<br>
(Uh...no she didn't.)<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/dizzy.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Dizzy">:</div>
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I have just learned that my husband is a bigamist <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/lol.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="lol"><br><br>
I swear we are married to the same man. I do exactly what you do. I had to in order not to have a complete nervous breakdown. I HAD to get the house cleaner.

 

[kennedy444]

Mine thinks that throwing away/giving away some of our old stuff is wasteful - we've spent money on it. blah, blah blah. He just drives me nuts.<br><br>
So, I just gather stuff up and toss it when he's not around and keep an ongoing giveaway bag in the back of my car and add to it. When I'm in the area, I drop it at the St. VincentdePaul center or similar type place. I even leave trash at my friend's house when it's her garbage pick up day. (We don't have trash pick up and dh goes to the dump with our trash)<br><br>
I like to declutter and I do it when he's not around. It's just easier.

 

[cece]

<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/lol.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="lol"> I'm with the majority here. DH is actually pretty good about letting go, but weird about a couple really dumb things lately. You can bet the house that when he's gone for business next month (oh, over Mother's day, for the record) I WILL be purging his tee shirts and random other unnecessary things. For my guy, he won't notice. And, if he does, I will give him crap about being attached to "things".<br>
He does want to keep the ugliest comforter ever, while we have approx 623 too many blankets for people living in Southern California! We moved from MN, and blankets are the thing to give for gifts. This one really chaps my hide.....