Mothering Forum banner

1 - 15 of 15 Posts

·
Registered
Joined
·
931 Posts
Discussion Starter · #1 ·
<a href="http://www.nytimes.com/2007/12/06/fashion/06push.html?em&ex=1197090000&en=ea59d24ae2103a8a&ei=5087%0A" target="_blank">This NY Times article is about husbands buying their partners expensive presents to give them after the baby's born, & how marketers are trying to take advantage of that.</a><br><br>
Here's my favorite bit:<br>
"A recent survey of more than 30,000 respondents by BabyCenter.com found that 38 percent of new mothers received a gift from their mate in connection with their child. Among pregnant mothers, 55 percent wanted one. <b>About 40 percent of both groups said the baby was ample reward.</b>"<br><br>
Which means, boys & girls, that <b>60 percent of women think their baby alone was not ample reward</b>- am I reading this correctly? Sheesh!
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
407 Posts
This country is so focused on commercialism, consumerist behavoirs and material things. It really disgusts me sometimes. This is why the vast majority of my holiday gifts are home-made and always have been. I can't imagine that the birth of your child isn't enough. then again, I'm lucky to have the best husband a gal could ask for - maybe it's the attempt of some men to make up for not being emotionally present for the pregnancy? Not that I agree with it but I just can't imagine that someone wouldn't find their baby as enough of a reward for the pregnancy and birthing process!
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,137 Posts
My dh does give me something after the birth of each child. But for us, it is not about materialism or "the baby isn't reward enough". It's also not a way for DH to make it up to me that he hasn't been emotionally present or something like that. He's VERY emotionally present, and we both know that all we want and need is our baby.<br><br>
However, it means a lot to him to find some special gift that will commemorate our baby's birth, and will be a special gift for me to open when the baby has come and is resting in our arms, a few hours after birth when the hustle of birth has calmed down. It's something private that we share, as we revel together in the reality of this new life being present, and as we sit in the afterglow of my body actually being able to birth a child!! Such an amazing event, and one that he can never do! (For all of us, I know). DH gift-gives, and I love him for adding this little piece to the grand celebration that is the arrival of a new life.<br><br>
I don't by any means think that all couples should have a celebration/ritual such as this, but please don't just knock it out of hand, thinking that the reasons for it happening are simply selfish, materialistic reasons.<br><br>
I do agree with you guys that marketers trying to make people feel like it "should" or "must" be a part of the experience is terrible.<br><br>
Just my thoughts.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,037 Posts
it's cool to receive something, but i think the article was focusing on the materialistic side of it, which is sad. i WANT to experience labor again, and have the reward of knowing i worked to birth my baby. the experience in itself is my reward, and any jewelry would pale in comparison. if dh gave me a little token or something to remember the birth, i would much rather it be something meaningful (and CHEAP! <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/orngbiggrin.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="orange big grin">), and not just a silly pair of earrings.<br><br><br>
17 hours of labor huh? wow. i'm impressed. (dripping with sarcasm) how much of that was with an epidural?
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
2,235 Posts
I hear on the radio all of the big jewelry companies with gifts for fathers to give mothers. And I've thought about the implications of them. Isn't the baby enough? But if my husband were to get me that I know he would have put a lot of thought into it and it be a really special gift. That being said I can't see myself wearing a pink sapphire....
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
931 Posts
Discussion Starter · #6 ·
<div style="margin:20px;margin-top:5px;">
<div class="smallfont" style="margin-bottom:2px;">Quote:</div>
<table border="0" cellpadding="6" cellspacing="0" width="99%"><tr><td class="alt2" style="border:1px inset;">
<div>Originally Posted by <strong>lovetobemama</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/9934460"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">My dh does give me something after the birth of each child. But for us, it is not about materialism or "the baby isn't reward enough". It's also not a way for DH to make it up to me that he hasn't been emotionally present or something like that. He's VERY emotionally present, and we both know that all we want and need is our baby.<br><br>
However, it means a lot to him to find some special gift that will commemorate our baby's birth, and will be a special gift for me to open when the baby has come and is resting in our arms, a few hours after birth when the hustle of birth has calmed down. It's something private that we share, as we revel together in the reality of this new life being present, and as we sit in the afterglow of my body actually being able to birth a child!! Such an amazing event, and one that he can never do! (For all of us, I know). DH gift-gives, and I love him for adding this little piece to the grand celebration that is the arrival of a new life.<br><br>
I don't by any means think that all couples should have a celebration/ritual such as this, but please don't just knock it out of hand, thinking that the reasons for it happening are simply selfish, materialistic reasons.<br><br>
I do agree with you guys that marketers trying to make people feel like it "should" or "must" be a part of the experience is terrible.<br><br>
Just my thoughts.</div>
</td>
</tr></table></div>
I certainly wasn't trying to knock the idea of a gift completely out of orbit or offend mamas who do get gifts from their DPs! What you describe is sweet, and I'm sure there are many very supportive dads who do something similar. I was responding to the tone of the article - the 'I WENT THROUGH THIS AND YOU DIDN'T, NOW BUY ME SOMETHING EXPENSIVE AND PRETTY TO MAKE UP FOR IT!' Like this quote: " 'It’s more and more an expectation of moms these days that they deserve something for bearing the burden for nine months, getting sick, ruining their body,' said Linda Murray, executive editor of BabyCenter.com. 'The guilt really gets piled on.' "<br><br>
That, & the marketing angle, makes the article's focus very different than what you describe I think! I don't think anyone's intentionally dissing the very idea of gift-giving - just this particular slant.<br><br>
I do expect my DH to give me the gift of his presence, and his time, absolutely. And I hope he does say thank you. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile"> But I never realized that the idea of a "push present" was even out there getting pushed!
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,108 Posts
I think I would be very happy if my husband gave me a nice gift after the birth of our children. To me, it would be a symbol of his appreciation and respect for my ability to labor and birth and raise our children every day and do it well. Sometimes I think men don't really understand how difficult it is to be a mother. Yes, it's rewarding and I would NEVER want to do anything else, but if would be nice to be honored with a gift for doing so. Flowers would be nice enough, though....I don't think I need jewelry, especially now that I don't want anymore diamonds.<br><br>
Of course I'm not offended that so far he hasn't done this. I just think it would be nice.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
915 Posts
I think that if you have to "explain it" to the father (that's a quote from the article), then the gesture is essentially meaningless.<br><br>
I think my mate has no idea that such a thing as a push present exists. However, last night I was apparently whimpering in my sleep. I say apparently, because my mate noticed the pillows I use to keep myself bolstered comfortably had all shifted. He replaced two of them, couldn't figure out the third, and used his own body as a pillow. I never woke up at all.<br><br>
Understand, please, that he and I are both normally very cold in the winter. Baking this baby has turned me into a wee furnace, and I can no longer sleep under the blankets at all. Covering me up just makes me restless. But he's still easily chilled.<br><br>
By snuggling up to me so my back wouldn't hurt in the morning, he literally froze his butt off.<br><br>
I would rather have him than earrings.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
3,831 Posts
<div style="margin:20px;margin-top:5px;">
<div class="smallfont" style="margin-bottom:2px;">Quote:</div>
<table border="0" cellpadding="6" cellspacing="0" width="99%"><tr><td class="alt2" style="border:1px inset;">
<div>Originally Posted by <strong>Writerbird</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/9935402"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">I think that if you have to "explain it" to the father (that's a quote from the article), then the gesture is essentially meaningless.<br><br>
I think my mate has no idea that such a thing as a push present exists. However, last night I was apparently whimpering in my sleep. I say apparently, because my mate noticed the pillows I use to keep myself bolstered comfortably had all shifted. He replaced two of them, couldn't figure out the third, and used his own body as a pillow. I never woke up at all.<br><br>
Understand, please, that he and I are both normally very cold in the winter. Baking this baby has turned me into a wee furnace, and I can no longer sleep under the blankets at all. Covering me up just makes me restless. But he's still easily chilled.<br><br>
By snuggling up to me so my back wouldn't hurt in the morning, he literally froze his butt off.<br><br>
I would rather have him than earrings.</div>
</td>
</tr></table></div>
Awww, Writerbird, that brings tears to my eyes... How sweet
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
407 Posts
I'm fascinated by the mix of responses this article is bringing up. I fully believe in traditions and rituals. Even though I personally am disgusted by the consumerism brought out by the holidays, I still love the idea behind it - giving of gifts to those you love. Because of this, I have adapted how I do this to better reflect my intentions. For example, for my father's side of the family I put together a book of stories I solicited from family members about my grandfather. It was a very sentimental book and my grandfather felt so special. He passed away this year and now we all have something to preserve his memory <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/wink1.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="wink1"><br><br>
I guess the point I was trying to make is that it's the thought that's behind it, not the price tag. Jewelery stores are notorius for making men feel like they have to spend a ton of $$ to say I love you or to somehow prove it. That is the part that I don't like - also, the attitude of many women who expect this kind of treatment that just perpetuate the stereotype.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
2,235 Posts
<div style="margin:20px;margin-top:5px;">
<div class="smallfont" style="margin-bottom:2px;">Quote:</div>
<table border="0" cellpadding="6" cellspacing="0" width="99%"><tr><td class="alt2" style="border:1px inset;">
<div>Originally Posted by <strong>Writerbird</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/9935402"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">I think my mate has no idea that such a thing as a push present exists. However, last night I was apparently whimpering in my sleep. I say apparently, because my mate noticed the pillows I use to keep myself bolstered comfortably had all shifted. He replaced two of them, couldn't figure out the third, and used his own body as a pillow. I never woke up at all.<br><br>
Understand, please, that he and I are both normally very cold in the winter. Baking this baby has turned me into a wee furnace, and I can no longer sleep under the blankets at all. Covering me up just makes me restless. But he's still easily chilled.<br><br>
By snuggling up to me so my back wouldn't hurt in the morning, he literally froze his butt off.<br><br>
I would rather have him than earrings.</div>
</td>
</tr></table></div>
oh that is so sweet!
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
10,795 Posts
what happened to flowers? <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/dizzy.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Dizzy">:
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
4,491 Posts
<div style="margin:20px;margin-top:5px;">
<div class="smallfont" style="margin-bottom:2px;">Quote:</div>
<table border="0" cellpadding="6" cellspacing="0" width="99%"><tr><td class="alt2" style="border:1px inset;">
<div>Originally Posted by <strong>rainbowmoon</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/9936202"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">what happened to flowers? <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/dizzy.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Dizzy">:</div>
</td>
</tr></table></div>
<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/lol.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="lol"> that's what I was thinking!
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
5,964 Posts
People really do use any excuse to buy don't they? <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/dizzy.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Dizzy">:
 
1 - 15 of 15 Posts
Top