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I find <a href="http://www.nytimes.com/2007/12/06/fashion/06push.html?em&ex=1197176400&en=2ce83a2c57a58291&ei=5087%0A" target="_blank">this NY Times story</a> about "push presents" a bit, I dunno, materialistic. I do really like the idea of the family, especially the father or partner, acknowledging the hard work of labor and the nine months of pregnancy. But "I gave you a baby, now you have to give me diamonds" sounds so crass.<br>
I do want to have a talk with Aaron about the postpartum period. We've talked about it a little, and I think he'll be really supportive, but I want to know that he knows that I'll need some caring for, and I'll be physically and emotionally in recovery, and more than anything else I'll need his emotional energy. That's really the only push present I want. Well, maybe that and some really good sushi.
 

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I made Alex read <a href="http://swistle.blogspot.com/2007/06/postpartum-chocolate-chip-cookies.html" target="_blank">this</a> (which he found hilarious) and then followed it up with <a href="http://swistle.blogspot.com/2007/06/postpartum.html" target="_blank">this</a> (which he did not find hilarious), and then we talked about it a bit. I really liked the way this woman wrote, and while I know that everyone's PP experience is totally different, we read through the comments that people left and stuff. I felt like it was good for him because that way he'll know what to expect - even though I might react in a totally different way, he'll know that there are all kinds of hormone things at work. I don't think he had any clue what it really could be like until he read through it, so I felt like we were starting from somewhere rather than me having some idea of what the possibilities were and him having absolutely no clue what I was talking about.<br><br>
I realize how off topic that is to the whole 'push presents' thing, but I was just thinking about how the most important thing to me rather than something material is knowing that my husband can understand and support me, and since you said you'd be talking to Aaron, I was like, hey, I talked to Alex about something similar. And I wouldn't mind sushi either.
 

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Gack! Whilst I *could* see something like a maid service or post-partum doula being hired as a "gift" to a new mom. Jewelry and trinkets as "push presents" are tacky-no matter who came up with the idea.<br><br>
I guess I am also of the mindset of that piece of jewelry is equal to X amount of groceries/paid bills/car payment(s)/other practical item(s), and would rather it be spent on practical things.
 

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I got a new "momma" necklace (not expensive) from dh after dd was born. I think it's nice to give a new mom presents just for her. Maybe not something extravagant, but something to commemorate the transition to motherhood is nice.<br><br>
We give graduation gifts, baptism gifts, wedding gifts, get well gifts, etc. Why not new mama gifts? I see it as a form of "congratulations" or an acknowledgement of a difficult job that has been completed.<br><br>
Christa
 

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my husband bought me a beautiful pair of earrings after ds's arrival. i don't have much jewelery, and every time i wear them, it reminds me of ds's birth and how special my family is to me.<br><br>
some may think that's materialistic, but those earrings are much more than earrings to me!<br><br>
this time around, i'm planning on buying dh a gift - probably a photograph or a print. i have no idea if he's planning of getting me anything, though.
 

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I don't expect gifts. Ever. What I would *love* is dh to actually help with something like dishes or laundry without me begging. Screw diamonds, I want to not have to clean up after a grown man right after I give birth.
 

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While it's not quite on par with DH buying me a huge diamond rock, my MIL bought me a beautiful mother of pearl necklace for the birth of my daughter, and I really love wearing it and thinking about how she had thought of me then. It's the kind of present that means so much more when it is a surprise, rather than something expected, ya know? A sense of entitlement is never a pretty thing.
 

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I want some kind of acknowledgment of the awesomely powerful and special thing that I'm doing. I'd love it in the form of hired help! Cleaning person, cooked meals, massages.... It'd actually come to more than a ring :p
 

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We thought about it with our first -- everyone I worked with was wondering what DH was going to get me for a 'baby present', and he'd been put on notice by my boss that it had better be nice... OR ELSE.<br><br>
Yeah, then we actually HAD a baby. And I didn't get out of my PJs for months, and couldn't even be arsed to wear my wedding rings and really just 110% didn't care about jewels or sentimental memorials or any of that. If I demand a "push present" for this baby, it's going to be DVDs of Dr Who and Torchwood to watch while I sit on the couch doing nothing but being treated like the Empress I am while I snuggle the baby. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile">
 

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Ooh, I miss Torchwood!<br><br>
I really don't get the whole "give the new mom something useless" thing. I did ask for silk button-down pyjamas for Christmas, for nursing in, but DH complained that that was too "practical." <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/headscratch.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="headscratch">
 

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>clintonhillmama</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/9944258"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">my husband bought me a beautiful pair of earrings after ds's arrival. i don't have much jewelery, and every time i wear them, it reminds me of ds's birth and how special my family is to me.<br><br>
some may think that's materialistic, but those earrings are much more than earrings to me!<br><br>
this time around, i'm planning on buying dh a gift - probably a photograph or a print. i have no idea if he's planning of getting me anything, though.</div>
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I have a special necklace I wear EVERYDAY that dh gave me after dd's birth. It is REALLY precious to me-like your earrings. That's a wonderful idea to give dh something after our son is born. Thanks for the idea!!!<br><br>
My mom has a cute card in my baby book-it's written from her to my dad and says, "Tim, thank you for our baby." <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/love.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="love"> It's so sweet-it makes me cry.<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/happytears.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="happytears">:
 

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That article made me want to hurl. The greed--and even moreso, the matter-of-fact acceptance of that greed--was grossly disturbing. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/disappointed.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="disappointed"><br><br>
That said, I'm a person that loves to give and receive gifts. It's probably my primary "love language", even though I know that makes me sound shallow to some. But trinkets, tokens, remembrances of any sort speak to me deeply, whether I'm the giver or the giftee.<br><br>
But.<br><br>
For me, all the joy and meaning of a gift goes out the window if I have to ask, or "demand" or even hint at it. I want something (anything!) freely given, because to me, the real gift is in knowing that the heart of the other person was so moved by love for me that they could not resist expressing that love by some sort of gift. Anything other than that becomes obligatory, which to me is almost the same as hateful.<br><br>
One of the most romantic stories I know is from when my younger sister was born. I was five, and I remember Dad driving us the next day to the hospital to see Mom and the baby. On the way there, we were driving past a field full of Canadian Thistles. Great, big gorgeous purple blooms, but up close they are very nasty plants to encounter--thick stalks with huge thorny prickles, very unfriendly. But Dad couldn't resist. He knew how much Mom loved the color of the thistles, how excited she always was to see them, especially a huge field like that. So he stopped, dug in the trunk and found some leather work gloves and wire cutters, and picked a huge bouquet to take to her! Then he stopped at a gas station and got a big soft drink cup full of water to carry them in.<br><br>
You should have seen the looks of distaste and surprise on the faces of all the nurses when he walked in carrying those "weeds".....but more than that, you should have seen the look of utter delight and love and fulfillment when he presented them to my mom. There is no doubt that she felt cherished by him, and IMO, that is what counts.<br><br>
All that said, I told dh about that article, and we grimaced about it together for a few minutes...then tonight I was folding laundry, and I told him that I'd decided that for my "push present" I was going to wait just until I'd stopped bleeding post-partum, then I was going to throw away all of my old underwear and demand that he buy me new ones--and nice ones, not the cheap kind! <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/lol.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="lol"><br><br>
My poor underwear....they are in sad shape, that is for sure! <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/redface.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Embarrassment">
 

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I really hate how to article said "It’s more and more an expectation of moms these days that they deserve something for bearing the burden for nine months, getting sick, <b>ruining their body</b>" (bolding mine). Ruining their bodies? Seriously? I don't know about the rest of you, but I don't feel my body has been ruined. Its certainly different than before I had kids, but *ruined* is not the word I would use to describe it. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/greensad.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="greensad">
 

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That's just one of the things I hated about the article. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/irked.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="irked">:<br><br>
How about:<br><br><div style="margin:20px;margin-top:5px;">
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<table border="0" cellpadding="6" cellspacing="0" width="99%"><tr><td class="alt2" style="border:1px inset;">“I wonder what 17 hours of labor will get me next time?”</td>
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Ah, so now we are contemplating having more children just for the bonus gifts?<br><br><div style="margin:20px;margin-top:5px;">
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<table border="0" cellpadding="6" cellspacing="0" width="99%"><tr><td class="alt2" style="border:1px inset;">In a more innocent age, new mothers generally considered their babies to be the greatest gift imaginable.</td>
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Implication: that there are actually mothers--growing numbers of them in fact--that have no trouble imagining a greater gift than their child.<br><br><div style="margin:20px;margin-top:5px;">
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<table border="0" cellpadding="6" cellspacing="0" width="99%"><tr><td class="alt2" style="border:1px inset;">"...And when not done naturally, it’s still an act of sacrifice.”</td>
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Hmmm...you think <i>childbirth</i> is the act of sacrifice? Motherhood is gonna really knock you on your a$$!<br><br><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/splat.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="splat"><br><br>
Okay, enough from me....just breathe deeply and walk away.... <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/sulkoff.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="tiptoe">
 

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>starry_mama</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/9950138"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">I really hate how to article said.... ".....sick, <b>ruining their body</b>" (bolding mine). Ruining their bodies? Seriously? I don't know about the rest of you, but I don't feel my body has been ruined. Its certainly different than before I had kids, but *ruined* is not the word I would use to describe it. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/greensad.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="greensad"></div>
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definitely! this jumped out at me too. i don't detest the idea of a push present but i certainly wouldn't consider it a required social grace. it's nice to be recognized for hard work in a way that is special for <i>you</i>. now that i've given birth i always think of the mother on birthdays and try to make a point of thanking <i>them</i>!
 

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I don't know about everyone else but<br><br>
A) our household budget is pretty tight right now-with trying to reserve some money for my maternity leave, and daycare and purchasing some necessities for the baby..........<br><br>
B) In our house we share expenses-we know what each other is spending their money on. On special occasions we budget an allowance for each other for the gift we are giving. OR we just go shopping together and call it our X-mas gift. ie-one year as a gift to each other we got cable etc..... I know not everyone is like this-but for me a marriage/partnership is about being a team. Since we got this house, expenses have been tight-and the way we have been able to get through is to work as a team to pay off bills-it works for us.....<br><br>
c) I would be livid if DP bought me jewelry without consulting the family budget-not that I wouldn't love it-but if she has an extra 200 dollars lying around-I want to know 'cause I would much rather use that money on take out PP!<br><br>
It was just so materialistic and disgusting!!<br><br>
I also agree that pregnancy does not "ruin your body." I know that I joke around about this sometimes here, mostly IRL-but my body has simply changed! I don't know how much yet-but I am sure that my boobs will now permanently sag! I don't want/deserve jewelry for it, let's go buy a 15 dollar bra at Target instead! And before I get off my soap box-my "ruined body" is already itching to go running PP-a little sagging, a few stretch marks, and bigger hips is not a ruined body. I'd be much more upset about losing the ability to be outside-and enjoy a beautiful day-to my knowledge pregnancy will not take that away!!! (I'm now off my soapbox).
 

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>expectantmami</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/9950752"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">I don't know about everyone else but<br><br>
A) our household budget is pretty tight right now-with trying to reserve some money for my maternity leave, and daycare and purchasing some necessities for the baby..........<br><br>
B) In our house we share expenses-we know what each other is spending their money on. On special occasions we budget an allowance for each other for the gift we are giving. OR we just go shopping together and call it our X-mas gift. ie-one year as a gift to each other we got cable etc..... I know not everyone is like this-but for me a marriage/partnership is about being a team. Since we got this house, expenses have been tight-and the way we have been able to get through is to work as a team to pay off bills-it works for us.....<br><br>
c) I would be livid if DP bought me jewelry without consulting the family budget-not that I wouldn't love it-but if she has an extra 200 dollars lying around-I want to know 'cause I would much rather use that money on take out PP!<br><br>
It was just so materialistic and disgusting!!<br><br>
I also agree that pregnancy does not "ruin your body." I know that I joke around about this sometimes here, mostly IRL-but my body has simply changed!</div>
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<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/yeahthat.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="yeah that">:<br><br>
I've joked with DH about this article- that he needs to go buy me a big expensive gift or I won't give birth. He just told me to go ahead and be pregnant forever- I'd only be punishing myself! <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/lol.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="lol"><br><br>
After trying so hard to get this baby here, I'm inclined to feel that this amazing little person that I've felt growing inside of me the past 9 months is more than I could ever want or deserve...they're a bigger gift and blessing than any silly trinket could ever be.
 

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The article just made giving a new mom a present sensational and stupid. Blah. It's not news, loved ones give new moms presents. Then some idiot sat around and tried to say stuff about it like that new moms feel they deserve it.<br>
Yeah, the ruining the body thing--my body was no different a year after dd was born. Maybe just bigger boobs. If anything, I was in better shape and I will be again after this babe is born. I think pregnancy and motherhood perfects a woman's body.
 
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