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My DH and I are having a hard time making a decision...

He has worked retail for the last several years, usually working evenings and weekends. I have a full time day job so he's mostly been home with our kids (10 years and 16 months) during the day. His last job was getting crazier all time and they kept changing his schedule so he had to work quite a bit during the day...usually one full day and a couple of afternoons. His dad helped us out quite a bit for a while because he's retired and very wonderful, but for lots of reasons DH quit his job a few weeks ago.

DH is looking for a new job and was just offered one today. It's a temp to hire job and is day shift. The pay is not great and we'd have to put the kids in daycare. I really don't know how much he'd be making after daycare costs, but we'll be checking into it. My hunch is not much. It would be good for us to see each other more, good for the kids to be around other kids, but really hard for us to put them in daycare. We haven't ever had the baby in daycare and our daughter hasn't been in daycare since she was 4.

Has anyone else had this type of situation? How do you decide whether it really makes sense financially to put 2 kids in daycare just to bring home a little more money? Just looking for some advice and been there/done that stories!

Thanks!

Tina
 

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That sounds like a hard decision, though you've probably been grappling with other hard decisions all along-- like how to make time for each other! One thing that struck me is that your 10 y.o. must be in school, right? So for the most part you'd only have child care costs for one child, primarily (maybe some afterschool care, but that can often be found for fairly inexpensive rates). I think it all depends what area of the country you are in and what child care goes for. In some areas, the cost per hour is so high that it just wouldn't make sense for someone in his situation to work. In my area, it's pretty inexpensive. I think you have to loook at take home pay after all expenses and see if you come out way ahead when you also figure in gas, wear and tear, clothing to go to work in, etc.
 

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I personally am a strong believer in the value of daycare. It is great that your kids have had so much Daddy-time, but I also believe that it does a ton of good for kids to be with other kids in a structured-type environment. (Or at least, for SOME kids -- definitely including mine!)

At 16 months, your little one is definitely at a difficult age for starting daycare. It is really hard at that age with all the exploration that's going on, learning about his abilities and limits, but not yet having the language skills to express frustrations. Separation anxiety can also be an issue at that age. So, I would definitely want to take your child's personality into consideration here. Only you and your DH can make that judgment as far as how you think your baby would handle it.

As far as the financial aspects, I can't really help you there. I'm a single mama so I have no choice but to use daycare; and I live in one of the most expensive parts of the USA, childcare-wise. If I told you how much I am paying for it, you would pass out. My suggestion however would be to try to remember that the financial is only one part of the equation. In the bigger picture, looking at your life-with-children overall, the time that your child is in daycare (from now until he starts school in 3 years) is only a small fraction of time, and financially speaking it may even out once he starts school and you and DH are able to make more money. But in addition to the financial factors you should definitely consider how daycare would affect your child personally, and how it would affect the family as a whole.

HTH.
-Joan
 

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Personally, I would like to see mothers avoid daycares if at all possible. I understand women do have to work and sometimes noone else is available. However, if you have a "choice" choose NO!
 

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Quote:

Originally Posted by Peepsqueak
Personally, I would like to see mothers avoid daycares if at all possible. I understand women do have to work and sometimes noone else is available. However, if you have a "choice" choose NO!
This sentiment does not take into account individual differences between families. There is no one correct right choice that will be BEST for everyone. Each family and it's members is unique and will come to different conclusions based on the same facts. I CHOOSE to WORK! I'm proud of that choice and I CHOOSE to use day care. It is the right decision for my family!
 

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Unless your dh finds a good paying job, it is generally not worth it to put multiple kids in childcare. Once you've paid for your childcare, he may be bringing home next to nothing. I'd recommend pricing a couple different childcare situations and seeing what he would have left after that was paid for.
 

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Quality daycare can be very good for children, even very young children. There is a big difference between quality and non quality though. The decision should really take into account what is best for your husband. Does he want to be a SAHD or would he become a very grumpy resentful person if he didn't get the adult interaction that he is used to? Having a good dad is worth a bit of daycare even if he only makes enough for daycare and a little spending money.
 

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Quote:
Having a good dad is worth a bit of daycare even if he only makes enough for daycare and a little spending money.
Are you really suggesting that he work just to pay for daycare and a little spending money?
 

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Quote:

Originally Posted by phathui5
Are you really suggesting that he work just to pay for daycare and a little spending money?
:
 

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Quote:

Originally Posted by phathui5
Are you really suggesting that he work just to pay for daycare and a little spending money?
And what's the problem with that suggestion? If dad is going to be driven bonkers or get depressed from staying home day in and day out with the kids, then it's more than worth it to work outside the home and be happy. Because I'll tell you, even a mediocre daycare is still a million times better than a SAHP who hates staying home.

Really, it's not all about the money. I don't work for the money. I get many, many rewards from my job and those are the reasons I am WOHM. I don't see it unreasonable to suggest dad find a solution that works out best for their family.
 

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Originally Posted by phathui5
Are you really suggesting that he work just to pay for daycare and a little spending money?
I think she's suggesting that the decision to work not be solely motivated by money. There are other factors that come into play besides money. I know MY decision to work isn't at all motivated by money. Why should her husband's be?
 

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Are there any good websites out there that show how daycare can be good for kids? DH is not convinced, and I'm not sure what to do. He doesn't want us to put ds in daycare, but I want to work, and I don't want to be the sole breadwinner (and anyway, I think dh would not really do that well as a SAHD).
 

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Would your dh be convinced by studies? Because there have been tons of studies over the past few decades showing that *good quality* child care does not harm children, and yet we continue to have this debate in the United States, and we continue to have public reluctance to fund a good quality child care system. I think people's beliefs about this are not usually shaped by research! If you still want research links, let me know and I can post some quickly - I used to work in a related field.

One point to make might be that child care is not a monolithic entity. There are lots of types of care, lots of types of providers, lot of types of families. What if you sat down and made a list of priorities for your family when you're looking for care, and then try meet them? If you can identify what specifically the concerns are, you can find a place that can best meet them. For example, a HUGE priority for me was somewhere that would not let my (then) baby cry without comfort and that practiced gentle discipline with the older kids. A second priority now that our daughter is older is a social environment that supports more of our parenting choices around television, commercialism, and whole foods (which is why we're switching centers this fall.)

A second point might be to try to identify families you like who use child care. Not only can you get leads on good places, you can reassure your dh that they are not being harmed.
 

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Quote:

Originally Posted by Ellien C
This sentiment does not take into account individual differences between families. There is no one correct right choice that will be BEST for everyone. Each family and it's members is unique and will come to different conclusions based on the same facts. I CHOOSE to WORK! I'm proud of that choice and I CHOOSE to use day care. It is the right decision for my family!
Every "individual" baby does better with their mamas. If you have to work, then baby maydo fine in daycaer, but "ideally" all babies would be with their mamas.
 

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To the OP, there are tons of articles about how to figure out if it is 'worth' it to put your children into DC. I'm sure if you google this something would come up. It's also a personal decision that you and your dh will have to figure out on your own. Basically, find out what DC would cost, figure out your take home pay, figure in added $ for gas, clothing, lunches and deduct that and get your end result. Then decide what it's 'worth' to you.

As for the other stuff. Some parents HAVE to work, they don't have a choice. If they want to eat, pay for their home (no matter what that home is), wear clothes, they have to work. Others choose to work because they aren't the type to stay home all day with the children...this is not because they don't love their children. Working parents love their children just as much as any other parent.

I work as a nanny, I've also been a licensed in home provider as well as worked in a center. I've worked with children for 24 years. I DO NOT raise other peoples children! I care for them, guide them, love them, teach them and keep them safe. I ASSIST the parents, I do not raise their children. I'm also not in it just for the money, although I do make a good living. I love children and I believe in the family unit. I didn't make child care my career because of the money!

I also always planned on being a SAHM, didn't work out that way. Life throws us curves. Hopefully we accept that change and do our best, with encouragement from others to lift us up.
 

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Quote:

Originally Posted by numom499
Every "individual" baby does better with their mamas. If you have to work, then baby maydo fine in daycaer, but "ideally" all babies would be with their mamas.
I don't think this is necessarily true. If mama is depressed, resentful of being home, unhappy at the sacrafices that diminished income brings, or basically doesn't "do well" with infants, then that individual baby isn't going to the best with that mama.

And I am that mother. I know exactly where my limits and tolerance levels are -- I am temporarily unemployed and have been home with kids all summer. I hate it, I've become a screaming witch, they are watching too much TV because I can't deal with normal noise levels, I'm drinking way too much wine with dinner and I'm spending a lot of my day basically repeating to myself "I will not hit" in my head. This is not the ideal and kids would be better off at preschool and school, I am very sure of it. And mine are old enough to walk, talk, take directions, and entertain themselves for some time. If I had needed to do this with a baby the baby would have been dead by their first birthday. Truly, not every woman is cut out for full-time motherhood. But, lest you wonder why I have kids at all, I am a really, really good mom for about 5 hours a day. I am calm, I am gentle, I can do stuff with the kids. But only for a limited amount of time. After that, all bets are off.

The only true answer here is that every mother, and father, need to know what is right for themselves and their family. There is no "one true way" at parenthood.

To the OP: do the math to figure out what the economics really are. Then have each parent look into their hearts to understand the other parts of the decision. Then do what is right FOR YOU!!
 

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Quote:

Originally Posted by Evan&Anna's_Mom
I don't think this is necessarily true. If mama is depressed, resentful of being home, unhappy at the sacrafices that diminished income brings, or basically doesn't "do well" with infants, then that individual baby isn't going to the best with that mama.

And I am that mother. I know exactly where my limits and tolerance levels are -- I am temporarily unemployed and have been home with kids all summer. I hate it, I've become a screaming witch, they are watching too much TV because I can't deal with normal noise levels, I'm drinking way too much wine with dinner and I'm spending a lot of my day basically repeating to myself "I will not hit" in my head. This is not the ideal and kids would be better off at preschool and school, I am very sure of it. And mine are old enough to walk, talk, take directions, and entertain themselves for some time. If I had needed to do this with a baby the baby would have been dead by their first birthday. Truly, not every woman is cut out for full-time motherhood. But, lest you wonder why I have kids at all, I am a really, really good mom for about 5 hours a day. I am calm, I am gentle, I can do stuff with the kids. But only for a limited amount of time. After that, all bets are off.

The only true answer here is that every mother, and father, need to know what is right for themselves and their family. There is no "one true way" at parenthood.

To the OP: do the math to figure out what the economics really are. Then have each parent look into their hearts to understand the other parts of the decision. Then do what is right FOR YOU!!
Thank you Evan&Ann's Mom for your post.
 

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Originally Posted by 9monthplan
I have a question, why go thru 9 months of pregnancy, birth, then to pay someone else to raise your baby? Do you think the daycare workers who get paid under $7per hour can care for your baby the same way a parent does?"

Quote:

Originally Posted by numom499
Every "individual" baby does better with their mamas. If you have to work, then baby maydo fine in daycaer, but "ideally" all babies would be with their mamas.
Hello, mamas. Perhaps you neglected to look closely at the name of this forum. I appreciate that you have a right to your point of view, but this is the WORKING MAMAS FORUM, which in most cases means that we have someone else helping take care of our children at least some of the time, and quite often, it's "daycare."

I would never think of going on the stay at home mom forum and making negative and judgmental comments about women who are following that path.

It's really not helpful or necessary to make generalized, negative comments about daycare on this forum. Trust me - every single working mom has heard it before, repeatedly!
 

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Quote:

Originally Posted by Evan&Anna's_Mom
I know exactly where my limits and tolerance levels are -- I am temporarily unemployed and have been home with kids all summer. I hate it, I've become a screaming witch, they are watching too much TV because I can't deal with normal noise levels, I'm drinking way too much wine with dinner and I'm spending a lot of my day basically repeating to myself "I will not hit" in my head. This is not the ideal and kids would be better off at preschool and school, I am very sure of it.
It is very helpful of you to share this so other mothers don't feel alone. I hope your summer is getting better. One thing I try to do when things are getting rough is "change the scenerey". For example, if the kids are getting crazy inside the house, I take them outside. If the are going nuts outside, we go to the library to pick some books. Sometimes a short trip to the grocery store to pick some friut for a snack can calm things down for both them and me.

I have been home with two kids for the past year and a half (I return to work on Sept. 1st) and the best advice someone gave me was "do SOMETHING every day." This has helped tremendously. I also do Yoga type breathing before I talk if things are really crazy!!! Take care of yourself, hope that helps.
 
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