[rainbowmami]

Hi all,

I've recently discovered something about my H that makes it pretty likely we'll divorce. But the problem is, when I saw a lawyer, she suggested that if we got a divorce here in CA, I'd be stuck raising the kids here, unless I could make a convincing economic argument that I can have a better life for the kids elsewhere or unless stbx agrees to the move. There is no way I can survive economically in CA on my own. I could survive here if H keeps his job here, but he was ready to quit a month ago and I convinced him not to until the house sells. (We were already discussing relocation due to expenses/QOL)

So my question is, if I just go ahead and move with the kids somewhere, THEN file for divorce in that state, will I be forced to come back to CA? Has anyone else done this? Is it considered kidnapping or something if I leave the state without H's permission/knowledge?

I could play it really close to the vest I guess and go ahead and move to one of our target areas in a rental (we'd talked about that before so that we wouldn't have the kids underfoot while we put the house on the market). I was reluctant to go without him, but now, of course I might be more willing. OTOH I have a trip to my mom's coming up and we could just stay while we try to "work things out" and I get my ducks in a row, then file in her state (not a great place to raise kids I guess). But both require me to be duplicitous and I can't really do that - I'm not a good liar (unlike STBX!) and I would just feel WRONG.

I've seen a few threads on here discussing this before but I'm not sure how to pull them up in a search so if you have some good links for me I'd appreciate it!

TIA

 

[WatermelonSnow]

Most states have a waiting period, often 6 months, before you can file. In the meantime, he can file in CA and force the case back there. Each state is different, so you need to learn about family code in your target states.

 

[Captain_Crunch]

Are you expecting a fight from H? You stated that you and H were already considering a move for COL/QOL reasons anyways, so it sounds like he would agree with you that the children would have a better QOL in another state.

Even if he doesn't agree, just the fact that you were planning to move before the divorce for those reasons would definitely help prove your point.

 

[Mom'n it]

I live in CA and asked a legal advocate about moving out of state and kidnapping etc and it would be considered kidnapping if your stbx decided to take you to court about it. She said the best thing to do is a custody case so that it wouldn't be an issue. You can call the women's crisis center (even if you're not in a crisis) and talk to a legal advocate there. They have tons of info with soooo many different cases to grab knowledge from. Good luck!

 

[rainbowmami]

Okay thanks those are helpful replies!

yes the ideal is for stbx to agree to go ahead with the move....although part of the reason for the move was so that he'd have more time with "family". I'm not sure if he will feel the same if we are not under the same roof...he might prefer to be a swinging bachelor or something....who knows?

 

[3lilpunkins]

I wished I'd actually LOOKED at some threads b4 I posted an almost identical question

.. OK but this sorta helps w/ my question too....
I guess you look in the phone book for womens crisis #?