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Hi-My name is Jenni and I am married to Randy. We have 6 children ages 15 down to 3. We have 3 boys and 3 girls and there is never a dull moment. We homeschool and are hoping to have more children. I had never considered adoption, but then had a baby girl about 1 1/2 years ago when I was she was only 18 weeks gestation . The doctors said I had a placental and umbilical cord infection. She may have had Turner's Syndrome-we don't really know why she died. I haven't gotten pregnant since then and have now started checking into adoption. I did a search on adoption and this was one of the forums that came up. I was really interested in Guatamalan adoption, but my husband cannot see past the $. Our neighbor just adopted a baby domestically and I have been reading about this type of adoption. Our family has truly been blessed. Our children would love another sibling and I cannot imagine not having anymore children. Do people ever set up adoptions without an agency, so that the cost is not astronomical? Do birthmoms only go through agencies? After reading different things, I think that open adoption is best for a child as long as the parent is not trying to get the child back. Does this happen much? I am totally ignorant to the 'adoption scene' and just trying to figure out what really goes on. Our neighbors have a semi-open adoption. The mother does not know where they live or their last name. Anyway, just wondering and beginning to question adoption... I can't imagine giving my child up..it seems that a birthmom would have to be a really strong person to be able to make this incredibly mature decision for the sake of their child. Thanks for reading and thanks for any info. you may have.
 

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hey, sorry no one's responded-i don't think it was intentional-your post wasn't offensive in the least. i didnt' respond initially cuz i can't answer much that you asked-i only have experience with international and guatemala specifically but that is all changing now so what we went thru last yr isn't really helpful. there are some helpful stickies with links you may want to check out at the beginning of the adoption area. good luck and hopefully someone more helpful will come along to post soon...<br><br>
kelly
 

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I'm just starting to learn more about domestic programs. Our first adoption was done through Guatemala also and we are doing a little research before deciding on #2. I know there are other members here who have completed domestic adoptions as well as some birthmoms. To me researching domestic adoption has proven to be more complex than Guatemala, especially $ wise. One agency we "were" interested in had everything we wanted except their cost was aroun $40,000 + since we were out of state. I know there are ways to get the cost down but it really can vary. Other members have had good luck with foster/adopt wituations too. I would start by doing some research on the internet and seeing if you feel a pull in one way or another. Also check the requirements if you do look into international. Good luck and keep us posted!
 

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Sorry it took me some time to respond. I tend to be a little shy/cautious when first "meeting" someone on this site.<br><br><div style="margin:20px;margin-top:5px;">
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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>happymom26</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/7349591"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">Do people ever set up adoptions without an agency, so that the cost is not astronomical?</div>
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Yes, this would be a private non-agency adoption. People take this route for many reasons including lower cost, elimination of the middle-man," assurance that there isn't an agency being coercive with birthparents, broader searches for a good match (as perceived both by some potential birthparents and by some potential adoptive parents), elimination of the "adoption industry" element of adoption to a larger extent, increased freedom in tailoring an adoption experience for the needs of all members of the adoption triad, and so forth.<br><br>
My dw and I were interviewed once for a private adoption, but the couple chose other adoptive parents so we haven't been part of such an adoption. We adopted our son through foster-adoption. He was 1.5 days old when he came to us and 13 months at the time of his adoption. We now have a foster daughter who is with us in a foster-adoptive placement, though at this point it looks like the adoption may not manifest.<br><br><div style="margin:20px;margin-top:5px;">
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<table border="0" cellpadding="6" cellspacing="0" width="99%"><tr><td class="alt2" style="border:1px inset;">Do birthmoms only go through agencies?</td>
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No. Some parents considering an adoption plan for their children (they are not "birthparents" unless an adoption has been completed) prefer to not use an agency. There are a variety of reasons for that.<br><br><div style="margin:20px;margin-top:5px;">
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<table border="0" cellpadding="6" cellspacing="0" width="99%"><tr><td class="alt2" style="border:1px inset;">After reading different things, I think that open adoption is best for a child as long as the parent is not trying to get the child back. Does this happen much?</td>
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There are different laws in different places about birthparents being able to change their minds. Usually there is a specified period in which birthparents can change their minds. In my state I believe it is 48 hours from signing, but I am not certain(??) Some states have longer periods, others shorter. Anyway, birthparents absolutely do and should have the right to say "no" at any point through that period-- without pressure-- even if the child has already been born and is with the potential adoptive family. It is very hard on the potential adoptive family, but it is only right.<br><br>
After the adoption is finalized (as in the mind-changing period has passed, the court has approved the adoption, and any appeal period-- in my state 30 days-- is over), it is extremely rare for a birthparent to try to fight it legally. Almost never is a finalized adoption appealed...that is hardly worth discussing.<br><br>
I agree with you 100% that if at all possible, open adoption is best for *everyone.*<br><br>
We have an open adoption agreement with our ds' birthparents. This is legally binding in our state. The only agreement we have in this legally binding document is that we will send our ds' birthparents one letter and photo each year, provided they keep us updated with some kind of address to which we can mail these items.<br><br>
However, in reality, we do much more and feel this is best. We visit with ds' birthfather, paternal birthgrandmother, and birth aunts and cousins at least once a month, sometimes quite a bit more. They do not know our home address or phone number (remember, this was a foster-adoption, and we do have some concerns related to safety...we absolutely trust the family but not everyone they associate with). They have heard our last name, but I don't know if they know how it is spelled. We meet at places like parks or museums. We also have left the door open with the maternal side of ds' birthfamily, but they have been more "in and out." For a while, ds' birthmother visited with us weekly (she has our cell phone number but does not have online access). Then she stopped showing up, so we have now told her to give us a call when she wants to visit. On occassion ds' maternal birth grandmother emails and says she, ds' mother, and ds' half-brother want to see us (she is raising ds' half-brother), but she rarely follows through as well.<br><br>
We've had to work some things out along the way, negotiating and discussing expectations, but ds' birthfamily has always been pretty respectful of our role as ds' parents...even though it was a foster-adoption and thus not a "chosen adoption." We will absolutely continue regular visits unless at some point it seems to not be good for ds, and then we'll discuss it further. But I don't think something like that even has potential for coming up for several years. ds is not-quite two.<br><br>
One of the things early on in our adoption journey that inspired me a great deal was talking with the receptionist at my fertility clinic. She had an unplanned pregnancy when she was 16, and made an adoption plan for her child. She is now older and has another child she is raising. Her son's adoption is an open one, and he even comes and spends the night at her house sometimes. She describes the adoption in positive terms. She says she feels good about her adoption experience, her son's family, and her son and her relationship with him...and I always saw that as a testament to the positive possibilities of open adoption. She is a tremendous person, and I think her son's adoptive family is extremely lucky to have her and her son in their lives.
 

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Hi!<br>
I have a list of recommended reading for you:<br>
- Is Adoption for You? by Christine Adamec (great discussion questions and an overview of different types of adoptions)<br>
- The Adoption Resource Book by Lois Gilman<br>
- The Essential Adoption Handbook by Colleen Alexander-Roberts<br>
- Adopting in America by Randall Hicks<br>
- The Complete Adoption Book by Laura Beauvais-Godwin<br><br>
Also, I wish I had $1 for every time someone asked me, "Can she take the baby back?"<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/orngtongue.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Stick Out Tongue"><br>
From my reading in The Complete Adoption Book, I created the answer to that question on my web site:<br><a href="http://www.rmcsquared.net/adopt.htm#birthmomback" target="_blank">http://www.rmcsquared.net/adopt.htm#birthmomback</a><br><br>
All but about 9 states have laws about when the termination of parental rights (TPRs) can be signed and when/how/if it can be "taken back." In MO, where our son was born, the birthmom had to wait 48 hours after DS was born before being able to sign the TPR. Once she signed, it was irrevocable, and once the court approved it (the next day), DS was our son. In CA, I believe the same rules are true, though the birthmom may have to wait 72 hours before the TPR can be signed. The birthfather also has to sign a TPR, and when and how he can do so is different from state to state.<br><br>
I hope this helps!<br>
Good luck on your adoption journey!
 
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