Sorry it took me some time to respond. I tend to be a little shy/cautious when first "meeting" someone on this site.
Quote:
Originally Posted by happymom26
Do people ever set up adoptions without an agency, so that the cost is not astronomical?
|
Yes, this would be a private non-agency adoption. People take this route for many reasons including lower cost, elimination of the middle-man," assurance that there isn't an agency being coercive with birthparents, broader searches for a good match (as perceived both by some potential birthparents and by some potential adoptive parents), elimination of the "adoption industry" element of adoption to a larger extent, increased freedom in tailoring an adoption experience for the needs of all members of the adoption triad, and so forth.
My dw and I were interviewed once for a private adoption, but the couple chose other adoptive parents so we haven't been part of such an adoption. We adopted our son through foster-adoption. He was 1.5 days old when he came to us and 13 months at the time of his adoption. We now have a foster daughter who is with us in a foster-adoptive placement, though at this point it looks like the adoption may not manifest.
Quote:
Do birthmoms only go through agencies? |
No. Some parents considering an adoption plan for their children (they are not "birthparents" unless an adoption has been completed) prefer to not use an agency. There are a variety of reasons for that.
Quote:
After reading different things, I think that open adoption is best for a child as long as the parent is not trying to get the child back. Does this happen much? |
There are different laws in different places about birthparents being able to change their minds. Usually there is a specified period in which birthparents can change their minds. In my state I believe it is 48 hours from signing, but I am not certain(??) Some states have longer periods, others shorter. Anyway, birthparents absolutely do and should have the right to say "no" at any point through that period-- without pressure-- even if the child has already been born and is with the potential adoptive family. It is very hard on the potential adoptive family, but it is only right.
After the adoption is finalized (as in the mind-changing period has passed, the court has approved the adoption, and any appeal period-- in my state 30 days-- is over), it is extremely rare for a birthparent to try to fight it legally. Almost never is a finalized adoption appealed...that is hardly worth discussing.
I agree with you 100% that if at all possible, open adoption is best for *everyone.*
We have an open adoption agreement with our ds' birthparents. This is legally binding in our state. The only agreement we have in this legally binding document is that we will send our ds' birthparents one letter and photo each year, provided they keep us updated with some kind of address to which we can mail these items.
However, in reality, we do much more and feel this is best. We visit with ds' birthfather, paternal birthgrandmother, and birth aunts and cousins at least once a month, sometimes quite a bit more. They do not know our home address or phone number (remember, this was a foster-adoption, and we do have some concerns related to safety...we absolutely trust the family but not everyone they associate with). They have heard our last name, but I don't know if they know how it is spelled. We meet at places like parks or museums. We also have left the door open with the maternal side of ds' birthfamily, but they have been more "in and out." For a while, ds' birthmother visited with us weekly (she has our cell phone number but does not have online access). Then she stopped showing up, so we have now told her to give us a call when she wants to visit. On occassion ds' maternal birth grandmother emails and says she, ds' mother, and ds' half-brother want to see us (she is raising ds' half-brother), but she rarely follows through as well.
We've had to work some things out along the way, negotiating and discussing expectations, but ds' birthfamily has always been pretty respectful of our role as ds' parents...even though it was a foster-adoption and thus not a "chosen adoption." We will absolutely continue regular visits unless at some point it seems to not be good for ds, and then we'll discuss it further. But I don't think something like that even has potential for coming up for several years. ds is not-quite two.
One of the things early on in our adoption journey that inspired me a great deal was talking with the receptionist at my fertility clinic. She had an unplanned pregnancy when she was 16, and made an adoption plan for her child. She is now older and has another child she is raising. Her son's adoption is an open one, and he even comes and spends the night at her house sometimes. She describes the adoption in positive terms. She says she feels good about her adoption experience, her son's family, and her son and her relationship with him...and I always saw that as a testament to the positive possibilities of open adoption. She is a tremendous person, and I think her son's adoptive family is extremely lucky to have her and her son in their lives.