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question about age spacing (esp. for those with older children)

550 Views 12 Replies 12 Participants Last post by  Storm Bride
I was thinking about how I had my first at 20, my next at 24, and if I were to have a third (not really planning on it, but tossing around the idea) it would probably be when I am 28 or so (I'm 26 now, with a 5 and 2 yo).

Now this probably sounds bad, but oh well...we started having children young, and one thing that we always said was good about that they'll be out of the house (in theory) by the time we're in our early 40s. We never had a chance to be married without children, really, and while we love our children and love being parents, I think it's good that there will be some time for that in our future.

But, if we have another child, that puts us in our late 40s.

Does anyone have experience with this? This is not about getting my children out of the house asap...I hope I'm making sense, I'm tired.

Oh yeah, and our whole decision about having a third child does not rest on this issue, trust me.
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Wow, do we have the same life? My dd was born when I was 20, when #2 comes along I will be 24. We have already decided on a 3rd though, and will probably continue with the same spacing, our issue is either to stop at 3 or 4 based on the same reasoning. My parents had their children young as well, we were all out of the house by time they were 45, they are loving middle age as a couple instead of a family. I'll be curious to see what others say.
I can see how having the kids out of the house at a certain age could factor into your decision when to have kids. And also, you and your DH will be "young" grandparents if you have all your kids in your 20s.
I can totally relate - I had DS1 when I was 19 (a month after my birthday) and it was nice to think that he'd be off to college when I was 37 and then I could travel and do the things I missed out on early in adulthood (and would have the money to do them in style
Then, I had DS2 when I was 26 and I'd like to have another child before I'm 30. Sometimes our plans don't work out exactly like we thought when we were younger, but I
having the boys and wouldn't really change anything about my life now.

Also - I look at my parents, who are in their 50's and still have kids at home (my youngest bro went to elem school with my son
) and they're not on the verge of death or anything. They are in good shape and still active and have full lives and will enjoy themselves quite a bit in a few years when everyone is gone to college.
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Yes, this is my situation - I never had a young adulthood without kids. I had #1 at 23, #2 at 26, and then a big space. My third was born when I was 32 and now I'm having #4 at 34. And I'm done. But I won't have that late-40s with no kids thing like I thought I would.

I just couldn't decide whether I was finished, for all those years. Finally I realized I wasn't, so we tried again, and it took a while.
lol no sense, girl you could decide at 40 to have another baby! you may not feel the same then as you do now. I had one at 19, 28, 30, I will be closing the shop so to speak at 40...but I am only 32 now and since my life is more stable...and I love kids....if we won the lottery maybe I'd have four more

Relax, don't put pressure on yourself, one year or two or three putting off kids isn't tying you down another year to children....with the amount of children that don't leave home after college...come back with kids and wife in tow having your kids turn 18 doesn't get them out!
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I'm with you! I had my first at 19, my second at 21 and we thought we were done and would still be "young" when the kids were grown. Along came our little OOPS when I was 30. He won't be 18 until we're 48 and 56 now.
I wouldn't trade him for the world though.
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I had similar thoughts as you are having. I had my first at age 23 and then got divorced. For 14 years I looked forward to the day that I'd be 40 and my only child would be in college. Then I got remarried. My husband never had children of his own and it has been my greatest joy to be able to give him two daughters, now aged 3.5 and 1.5. So, here I am, nearly 42 years old, and have 17 more years before the possibility of being liberated from daily parenting! Ce la vie. It's definitely worth it.
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So to offer you the flip of this situation...

I had my first at 27 and my second at 31 and am now thinking about having another at 34/35 and I am the youngest mom in my circle!!! Most of the parents I know started having kids at 35ish and then had several...

What makes this the flipside is that I think these are my youngest most fun years...dh & I are enjoying this time way more than the years we were 20-27 without children...we enjoy each others company, but what is more fun than having a family???

Barney & Ben
Well, I can't offer much advice on what you're asking, but I wouldn't count on getting your kids out of the house at any specific age. Things happen, plans fall through... I just wouldn't count on it. But of course they'll still get older and won't need you taking care of them, so maybe it won't matter as much.
I left home at 17(early grad) BUT my brother left for only 1yr and returned to live with my parents while attending college for the NEXT 10 YEARS! He finally graduated and left at 30. He has lived on the opposite end of the country for about 6 years now.

So, don't count your chickens until they've hatched
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Ha! Good advice from Brigiana and Maman
And from everyone else too, thanks.

WildMonkeys, I really liked what you had to say. We do get so much joy from having our family, and often say that we wouldn't want it any other way. Not really sure what I'm trying to say...but it made me think.
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I don't really know what to say here, situation's a bit different.

I had my first at 24, planning to have three more, fairly close together and be done having kids in my early 30's. This wasn't about when they'd be out of the house, but it was about wanting to have them when I was young and energetic.

So...I had ds1. Then, I didn't get pregnant for 3.5 years (waited a year to start ttc). I lost that baby...lost another baby...a couple of years later, I got a divorce, then a new boyfriend...then I lost another baby.

And, finally - after 10 years of trying, and tests and all the rest, I had dd - my miracle. I was 34. Then, 2 years later, I had ds2, just after my 37th birthday. I still want one more. DH doesn't. We'll see what happens.

But, my plans meant absolutely nothing. Life ended up in a completely different way than I'd planned, and those babies I was going to have young just weren't ready to come yet.
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