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<p>I finally met someone and we've been dating for a couple months now. I am nowhere near being ready to introduce my kids to him. My X has made some very bad decisions about introducing GFs into their lives and I feel like I need to be very cautious and slow about any potential partner in my life.  We have 50-50 custody so it's not been too difficult to arrange dating to only times when the kids are at their dads. But I wanted to tell them about the existence of my new beau in case one of my friends said something about him, or they saw his car in the driveway or something like that. Just didn't want them blindsided by this.</p>
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<p>So I told the kids (DD age 11 and DS age 8) the other night at dinner that I had met someone and we'd had a few dates and I expected I would see him again, etc. <span>I said some things that I had said before about the fact that any dating I did would be when they weren't around at least for months or years and maybe some day if I was more serious about someone they would meet him.</span></p>
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<p><span>DD asked if we had kissed and I said yes. She got a bit more emotional at this point which I did not expect. Then she asked if we had had sex, which I TOTALLY did not expect. She is 11, almost 12, and I know sex is a big topic of conversation with her friends. Anyway, I said I wouldn't answer that question and that to me it was one of those things that was no appropriate to talk about with them, like for instance how much money I make. And she said then the answer was yes because I wouldn't answer. I asked her why she was concerned and why she was upset and she didn't really answer. And then I asked is it because she's worried that I would have another baby and she said yes. And I said very firmly that I would not be having any more kids and that was not something they needed to think about. I feel like I did not handle that one very well. Would love some feedback. particularly on that part. Anyone been asked straight out by their kids if they were having sex??</span></p>
 

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<p>No advice/btdt or anything, but yeah, that would have totally blindsided me too!  DS is only 5 so he's pretty go with the flow.  I think you handled it well.  You were open.  Dating is something they'll have to get used to gradually and better they have time to process it than having it forced on them super quickly. </p>
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<p>I think you handled the question just fine.  If they're old enough to ask the question, they're old enough for an answer...even if that answer is a lesson on ettiquette. </p>
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<p>Good luck!  Sounds like she's going to need some time to deal with things, but having her discover later would have been even more painful. </p>
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Wow, I think you did fine!! I would not have handled it as well.<br><br>
She's at a rough stage, so I think slow introductions are smart, but I have no real advice. HUGS!!!!
 

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<p>I would have no idea how to handle that! So sorry! I think the best you can do is be patient and kind. I'm sure the drama with her dad's partners is making this harder for you. My ex is moving  in with a new girlfriend, 4 months after moving out and breaking up with the last so I also feel that I have to be overly-cautious for my son.</p>
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Discussion Starter · #5 ·
<br><br><div class="quote-container"><span>Quote:</span>
<div class="quote-block">Originally Posted by <strong>maeby</strong> <a href="/community/t/1343927/question-about-dating-and-kids#post_16858429"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style=""></a>. I'm sure the drama with her dad's partners is making this harder for you. My ex is moving  in with a new girlfriend, 4 months after moving out and breaking up with the last so I also feel that I have to be overly-cautious for my son.
<p><span><img alt="hug2.gif" id="user_yui_3_4_1_2_1328114874183_160" src="http://files.mothering.com/images/smilies/hug2.gif"></span></p>
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<br><br><p>Yes, exactly. They actually met his then GF while I was still in the house, and then when I moved out he had her come stay for 2 weeks after I had only been out a few days. But I think the most troubling thing for the kids has been his lack of truthfulness about the nature of the relationships. He will say they are "friends" when the kids damn well know different. So that was partly why I wanted to be clear that I was dating.</p>
 

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<p>I'm not even dating anyone and my 14 year old is preoccupied with my social life.  Or my imagined social life.  lol     On the positive, at least your dd feels comfortable talking with you about sex.  But yes, I probably would have fallen off my chair.  It is a boundary issue and one kids need to learn.  I did finally have a "I'm an adult and this is my life" discussion with my 14yo when she tried to give me a curfew.  </p>
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<p>I think it was a good idea to mention the boyfriend to them before they heard about it from someone else.  But it is also ok to say that it is your relationship and it is not a serious one at this time and not up for discussion.</p>
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<p>My guess is they are feeling a bit insecure about their dad and his relationships.  Sounds like there is a possibility that new girlfriends are a bigger priority than spending quality time with them and they don't want the same thing to happen with you.  Although they are doing much better, my  kids are still pretty needy too and requiring a lot of undivided attention.</p>
 
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