[dynamohumm6]

Here's a question for you guys.
My dd is 7. Last night, we were in the mall and we went into a Claire's Boutique to buy her some hair accessories. There was a 3-4 month old infant in there screaming bloody murder - I mean, shaking, trembling body, purple face, the works.

: They had pierced one ear, and they were trying to calm her down to do the other. I had to leave - and on my way out, I said to my daughter "we have to go, I refuse to be in here while someone does that to their child". Arseholish, I know, but it really struck a nerve. So anyway, my dd had questions about why the baby was crying, what they were doing to it, why the mother wasn't doing anything...she's REALLY sensitive to other kids being upset (even my 13 month old ds was upset by the crying). So that sparked a conversation about ear piercing/your body, your choice type thing...and it occurred to me that it was an opportune time to bring up circumcision. But I didn't, because I didn't really know WHY or IF I should, you know? My dd has only ever seen her intact brother, so for her, intact is the barometer. She has no idea that circ exists. Due to her sensitive nature, I can see her getting pretty upset about it, which is why I decided to not bring it up, but it got me wondering if other parents talk to their kids about it if all they know as normal is intact?
sorry for any discombobulation, trying to do this and keep ds away from the keyboard.

 

[Revamp]

Hmm...

I could see that as something she could easily find that quite upsetting, but also as something which would probably ensure any grandson you got from her would remain intact.

Tricky issue, maybe just leave it a year or two?

 

[kalisis]

You know your daughter best and if she's sensitive enough that this will upset her now, I'd let it wait for another time. I do think that you should bring it up at some point, but maybe in a few years when you think she'll be better able to handle it.

I'm sure there will be another natural opportunity to talk about it.

 

[Shaunam]

I'd wait until she's a little older or until she brings it up first. I plan on having several age-appropriate talks with my son about circ when he's older. When you live here, it's important to plant the seed early, unless you want your grandkids to possibly be circ'ed with your dd saying, "well, I know my brother was not circ'ed, but everyone else was so I just thought my parents were weird or something."

So now is probably not the right time. It will probably upset her too much. But you should do it *sometime*. Maybe when you have "the talk" you can explain what the foreskin is, what it does, and bring up circ, why you chose not to do it, and why you think it's bad/harmful/cruel/ect.

Kids, before they are socially conditioned to accept circ as good, easily give into their emotions about why it's NOT good. I'm thankful that I researched circ, on my own, at the tender age of 17. My emotions took over and I hadn't had anyone preaching about infections/cleanliness or whatever. I felt almost immediately that it was wrong. My little sister found out the truth about circ at age 19. She was a little harder to convince than me, but now she says she'd never circ her kids. One of my older sisters didn't research circ until she was pregnant with a boy at age 23 or so. She asked the doctor about it and he "highly recommended it", convinced her it wouldn't be painful, it was the right thing to do, yada, yada, yada. She did it.

And my other older sister, didn't question circ until I left my boy intact 18 months ago and she refused to even hear the info (she was 30 at the time). It's so culturally ingrained in her that she actually thinks there's something neglectful about not doing it. It's sad really. But you see what I'm getting at. The younger they are, preferably before they are sexually active and "used" to the look of a circ'ed penis, is probably the best time to discuss it. I was already sexually active when I researched it and I was used to the look of a circ'ed penis and it took me a little while to get over how "funny" an intact one looked. If I had researched circ at, say, 12 or 13, I wouldn't have had an image in my head of what a penis is "supposed" to look like and I wouldn't have even had an inkling of hesitation to pronounce that circ was bad. I hope that all makes sense.

 

[menudo]

My DD is 9yo. Somehow circ. came up and I told her what it was. She was just in awe. Oh yeah, I was babysitting a friends son a year or so again and I screamed at diape change time. he was 10 months old or so and well-I thought he was hurt. Oh it was awful, I screamed and his brothers informed me he always looked like that. I was late told that is how some circs look. It was bad (I wonder if it was even outside of "normal" for a circ.).

DD was glad we do not do that. Or force her to pierce her ears. With Latino heritage in our family, where many families beleive the baby girl should get her ears pierced, I heard many a nasty comment for not doing so when she was smaller! Now she is so happy I did not-and I was all ready to get em done cause I thought she would want them now!!

Go with the flow, it will come up one day.

 

[myfairbabies]

Quote:

Originally Posted by bebesho2 Oh yeah, I was babysitting a friends son a year or so again and I screamed at diape change time. he was 10 months old or so and well-I thought he was hurt. Oh it was awful, I screamed and his brothers informed me he always looked like that. I was late told that is how some circs look. It was bad (I wonder if it was even outside of "normal" for a circ.)

Jeez, what did it look like? Poor boy!

:

 

[Tinijocaro]

I think our kids need to grow up hearing that circ is wrong, just as so many people grew up thinking foreskins are gross. We have a lot of damage to undo. Of course, give the info out a bit at a time and in a age-appropriate manner.

 

[DocsNemesis]

I dont know. If she is really that sensitive, maybe you want to wait, but then if you tell her as a teenager, she might rebel against the way you feel.
My son (who is only 6, but not very sensitive to things) walked in while I was watching the circ video. He asked why the baby was screaming and what they were doing and I told him that they were circumcising him and that it hurt REALLY bad and that was why he was crying like that. He said that now he realised just why we said he was lucky, lol.
We have told him about circumcision before that, so he already knew what it was, we had shown him an illustrated sketch of before and after, that kind of thing. But I think seeing the pain that that baby was in hit it home. He said he felt sorry for our neighbors son. Even our 3.5 year old dd knows the word circumcision (though I dont think she knows what it is, but her daddy is one @$%&#* off man about it, lol).
Anyway, you obviously dont want to seriously scare her, so you will just have to think about it. Maybe wait a few years?

 

[paquerette]

I think it sounds like it could wait a bit. I agree with working it into "the talks"; if not the talks about sexual activity, then the stuff about anatomy, when you talk about periods maybe also talk about issues that boys face during puberty and branch off from there.

Sometimes I think that it's something that I want my daughter to grow up knowing about, as with many other issues of injustice and abuse in the world, but on the other hand I want to put off her becoming sad and jaded by these things as long as possible. It's such a delicate balance!

 

[dynamohumm6]

Quote:

Originally Posted by paquerette I think it sounds like it could wait a bit. I agree with working it into "the talks"; if not the talks about sexual activity, then the stuff about anatomy, when you talk about periods maybe also talk about issues that boys face during puberty and branch off from there. Sometimes I think that it's something that I want my daughter to grow up knowing about, as with many other issues of injustice and abuse in the world, but on the other hand I want to put off her becoming sad and jaded by these things as long as possible. It's such a delicate balance!

soooooooo true.

we've already had the sex talks when I was pregnant with my son ("EW, GROSS!!! I am NEVER doing that."

) but it never really occured to me to talk about circ at the same time.
In all honesty, I really don't *know* anyone who's circed...like someone that we would be changing a diaper for or something...all the little boys that she's ever been around to see naked are intact (friend's baby boys, cousins, etc).

I dunno. On one hand, I feel like it's just *normal* for her, and I *LIKE* that it's normal for her, but on the other, maybe I'm living in my happy little bubble and she really will just grow up thinking we were weird or something for not having it done.
I don't know, really, but I'm sure it will come up sometime. At the very least, when the time comes, I will be telling her that if a man tells her he can't have AIDS because he's circed, that he's LYING.

(ok, I'm only half joking here)

 

[KnitLady]

Perhaps this is slightly off topic, but I'm in tears that someone would pierce their tiny babies ears! I feel sick! Why do people do this stuff! I stand at the same place with ear piercing and circ'ing. Leave 'em alone! If they want to get their ears pierced or have their foreskin lopped off (not likely!) later in life, fine, but I'm not making that decision for my tiny baby.

I think you did the right thing in not telling her. She will remember that poor baby (probably for the rest of her life) and the pain she was in. You can even mention that baby whenever you do talk to her about circumcision. Something along the lines of it not being right to put a baby through pain for cosmetic reasons. She was probably upset enough to learn that not all people respond to a babies cries the way you do.

 

[dynamohumm6]

Quote:

Originally Posted by KnitLady Perhaps this is slightly off topic, but I'm in tears that someone would pierce their tiny babies ears! I feel sick! Why do people do this stuff! I stand at the same place with ear piercing and circ'ing.

Yep. To me, it's the same thing.
1) most get it done at a MALL by some minimum wage high school employee that has virtually NO training whatsoever. Not to mention you can't properly autoclave a piercing gun. If you're hellbent on decorating your infant daughter, at least go to a professional piercer that uses hollow bore needles that are STERILE.
2). You're DECORATING YOUR INFANT DAUGHTER. Seriously. Mindblowing.

Quote:

She was probably upset enough to learn that not all people respond to a babies cries the way you do.

she was