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I am a SAHM so my baby doesn't have any interaction with daycare providers. When friends or family members ask to hold her, I feel awful saying no, so I let them. However, she doesn't like it. She will pout and start to cry. This is the kicker...you would think they would give her right back to me...no, they keep holding her and talking to her. It ticks me off. I then will say "oh do you want mommy back and hold my arms out to give them the hint" Should I not do that and let her get used to other people? She is 4 months old.<br><br>
Also I hate it when COMPLETE strangers touch her. I will be in stores and they will come up to her while I have her in the sling and touch her arm.<br><br>
While I am venting, I hate at church when she will be sleeping in the sling and they will come up and touch her and wake her up....GRRR.<br><br>
Lisa
 

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I kinda wanna tell you to relax. But she is your kid so your rules and feelings need to be respected.<br><br>
I let ppl hold ds because he's such an easy going baby and I want him to be comfortable with ppl. I also have no issue with ppl touching him or loving on him. Mostly. My mil is another story. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/eyesroll.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="roll"> But these are choices that work well for MY FAMILY. You need to do what works for you.
 

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My dd doesn't just pout, she screams and tries frantically to wiggle away...and she's a year old. Honestly, I tell people now that she doesn't like to be touched by people she doesn't know. I understand that people are just trying to be nice, but babies are people too and they deserve not to have their personal space invaded if they don't like it. So, I guess I don't think there's anything wrong with not letting people hold your child. And in my experience, my dd doesn't get "used" to it, and she just gets increasingly upset.
 

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I agree that children have the right to show they are not interested and same thing...my dd tries to wiggle right out of their arms and she really cries. It kills me so I guess I will just keep doing what I am doing and hint that I want her back.<br><br>
Lisa
 

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My dds are 2 y.o. and 3.75 y.o. now but I remember this stuff well! After a few months of trying to appease various people and letting more people I would have liked hold dd1 (not tons but more than I felt really happy about) I got really firm about it and things got WAY better for me emotionally. I would just say no she's not ready yet. I don't let people hold my babies unless I particularly would like them to...which is mostly only when the baby wants it (i.e., not much at all in the early months!). A baby is not a toy and all sorts of people can expect to hold her or desperately want to but you have no obligation whatsoever to oblige them...your obligation is to your baby. So don't feel bad about it, just be clear and direct in a friendly way. I find that the more clear I am about what I want the less people bug me about things.<br><br>
Oh...if baby starts crying and someone else has her I say "oh, she needs mama now" and take her back. If they try to continue to hold the baby I just take the baby out of their arms...most people won't actually wrestle you for the baby and if they try to hold back you just say firmly "give her back" (only had to do this once) and they will oblige.<br><br>
Not sure about the touching...we didn't have much of that to contend with. I think body language can help though.
 

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>evergreenmom</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/10308532"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">I agree that children have the right to show they are not interested and same thing...my dd tries to wiggle right out of their arms and she really cries. It kills me so I guess I will just keep doing what I am doing and hint that I want her back.<br><br>
Lisa</div>
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IMO if it's your child, no reason to hint...just tell people directly. Better to risk hurting their feelings (if they are that immature to get hurt feelings over a baby wanting mama) than to let your child be upset.
 

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hbak<br><br>
My suggestion is, when someone asks to hold her (and it is okay with you), say, "sure, but keep in mind that she isn't really comfortable with other people right now, so if she fusses, I'll need to take her back right away." Then, when she does fuss, say, "oops! Let me have her back and we'll try again next time." IMO, you need to directly ask for her back, rather than indirectly "asking" you lo if she wants to come to you.<br><br>
If a stranger reached out to touch my kid, I would directly say, "what are you doing?!? Please do not touch my child!"
 

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>MoreThanApplesauce</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/10308578"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">hbak<br><br>
My suggestion is, when someone asks to hold her (and it is okay with you), say, "sure, but keep in mind that she isn't really comfortable with other people right now, so if she fusses, I'll need to take her back right away." Then, when she does fuss, say, "oops! Let me have her back and we'll try again next time." IMO, you need to directly ask for her back, rather than indirectly "asking" you lo if she wants to come to you.<br><br>
If a stranger reached out to touch my kid, I would directly say, "what are you doing?!? Please do not touch my child!"</div>
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I will work on saying those things over and over and hopefully it will work. Can you tell I am sort of passive? I like this suggestion though.<br><br>
Lisa
 

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tristan usually doesnt mind being held by other people, and i (usually) dont mind either.... the good thing about nursing is i know i can get him back, lol<br><br>
dh is in the army and in school right now, so when we go up to visit him at lunch tristan gets passed around by all the girls. for the most part he loves it, hes such a flirt, lol<br><br>
at church theyre really good about giving him back if hes fussing.....
 

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i HATED all that too! It actually kept me away from crowds or people for a while<br><br>
now that DD is 6mo i am less paranoid and she loves being out and loves people BUT as long as she can see me if DH has her or is in my arms. If people try to hold her she usually will get scared or want mommy. I let people I know hold her for a few minutes here and there as long as she doesnt fuss and take her back as soon as she fusses i say "here, Ill take her back now" or many times I just grab her out of their arms. It IS my child after all.<br><br>
If I dont think she will tolerate being held I just say "o she doesnt really like to be held by others" or you know what she is teething, not feeling well, hungry, tired etc and i would prefer to keep her right now, maybe next time....<br><br>
I was also not good at this at first but I got better at it as time went bye, both letting others hold her and saying no.<br><br>
The hardest for me was when strager's kids would come up and touch her or ask to hold her! I would say the same things but I felt a little bad about it and the parents often gave me mean looks.
 

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If ds gets upset when somebody is holding him I just immediately take him back. I don't even ask... I've never even thought about whether it's rude or not because he's my baby.<br>
I've never understood why everyone on the planet feels the need to hold babies, especially when it's not offered. I've had complete strangers ask to hold my baby...excuse me? No!
 

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>gurglebaby</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/10309248"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">If ds gets upset when somebody is holding him I just immediately take him back. I don't even ask... I've never even thought about whether it's rude or not because he's my baby.<br>
I've never understood why everyone on the planet feels the need to hold babies, especially when it's not offered. I've had complete strangers ask to hold my baby...excuse me? No!</div>
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Yeah that.<br>
I have had to practically wrench my crying LO out of my MILs hands while milk was leaking all over the place because I let down while my baby was crying. The whole time my MIL was saying "Oh no, it's okay.." Oh no, it's NOT okay..give me my baby!
 

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>evergreenmom</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/10308425"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">I am a SAHM so my baby doesn't have any interaction with daycare providers. When friends or family members ask to hold her, I feel awful saying no, so I let them. However, she doesn't like it. She will pout and start to cry. This is the kicker...you would think they would give her right back to me...no, they keep holding her and talking to her. It ticks me off. I then will say "oh do you want mommy back and hold my arms out to give them the hint" Should I not do that and let her get used to other people? She is 4 months old.<br><br>
Also I hate it when COMPLETE strangers touch her. I will be in stores and they will come up to her while I have her in the sling and touch her arm.<br><br>
While I am venting, I hate at church when she will be sleeping in the sling and they will come up and touch her and wake her up....GRRR.<br><br>
Lisa</div>
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Oh I could've written this whole entire post! I have the worst time at church. People touching him and grabbing his hands. I've gotten to the point that when someone touches his hands, I immediately get a wet wipe out and wipe his hand off. People should have more sense than to do that....cuz where does that baby's hand go??? Right into his mouth!!!<br>
When he was born, every old lady in the church thought they had the right to be able to hold him. I made it clear from the beginning that no one was holding him. And family knew that they wash their hands first.<br><br>
Now, I have also had strangers come up and ask to hold him. I'm like WHAT???<br>
Who does that? I have never went up to someone I didn't know and ask to hold their baby. WTF??? Um yeah, I have no idea who the hell you are, so I"m just going to give you my precious child to hold and then just pray you aren't a psycho perv that will run off with my kid! Uh yeah! For real, I just think people go nuts when there's a baby around and their common sense goes right out the window.<br><br>
Now's the time to be firm and say what you mean so people will get it. A lot of people don't get hints, so your hints may not be coming across very well. Hey, it's your child and you have to be the voice for her. She can't speak up and say....no I don't want you holding me, i want my mom. You just have to make your stance clear on it.
 

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DD is 4 months also - but I just went back to work. DD stays home with her grandpa during the day (yay for great parents).<br><br>
I don't like a lot of people holding her either, frankly even shen she's okay with it. I tend to say "it's cold and flu season so we're not really letting anyone hold her right now" or something similar. When I do let someone, I seriously ask them to wash their hands first. I'm hoping that will get us through the winter anyway!<br><br>
I have one very nice neighbor who's about 55 or so? He loves babies and keeps touching her ON THE CHEEK when we see him. I've gotten good at sort of swinging her away, because he does it really fast. He's such a nice guy, but dude, don't touch my baby, and certainly not on her face!
 

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<div class="smallfont" style="margin-bottom:2px;">Quote:</div>
<table border="0" cellpadding="6" cellspacing="0" width="99%"><tr><td class="alt2" style="border:1px inset;">
<div>Originally Posted by <strong>MoreThanApplesauce</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/10308578"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">hbak<br><br>
My suggestion is, when someone asks to hold her (and it is okay with you), say, "sure, but keep in mind that she isn't really comfortable with other people right now, so if she fusses, I'll need to take her back right away." Then, when she does fuss, say, "oops! Let me have her back and we'll try again next time." IMO, you need to directly ask for her back, rather than indirectly "asking" you lo if she wants to come to you.</div>
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I like this suggestion. I've been in the OP's position and been too much of a pushover to just say "GIVE ME MY BABY BACK" but warning the person ahead of time seems like the best route.<br><br>
As for random people touching the baby out in public; it blows my mind that people will invade yours and the baby's personal space by reaching into a baby carrier, but they do, don't they?! I mostly let it slide unless it's somewhere really inappropriate like mouth, face or hands (re: illness).
 

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>evergreenmom</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/10308425"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">I am a SAHM so my baby doesn't have any interaction with daycare providers. When friends or family members ask to hold her, I feel awful saying no, so I let them. However, she doesn't like it. She will pout and start to cry. This is the kicker...you would think they would give her right back to me...no, they keep holding her and talking to her. It ticks me off. I then will say "oh do you want mommy back and hold my arms out to give them the hint" Should I not do that and let her get used to other people? She is 4 months old.<br><br>
Also I hate it when COMPLETE strangers touch her. I will be in stores and they will come up to her while I have her in the sling and touch her arm.<br><br>
While I am venting, I hate at church when she will be sleeping in the sling and they will come up and touch her and wake her up....GRRR.<br><br>
Lisa</div>
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I do not like strangers touching my son. Sometimes strangers try to kiss him, or rub his face. I always pull him away and say no. My reasoning is that it would be completely inappropriate for a stranger to come up to me and give me a kiss, so why should they be doing it to my son.
 

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>Magali</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/10309966"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">I do not like strangers touching my son. Sometimes strangers try to kiss him, or rub his face. I always pull him away and say no. My reasoning is that it would be completely inappropriate for a stranger to come up to me and give me a kiss, so why should they be doing it to my son.</div>
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You're totally right. A stranger wouldn't do that to you, but one would do that to a baby. Way too inappropriate.
 

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Well, I don't think there's anything rude about saying (apologetically if necessary) something like "sorry, she's kind of a mama's girl right now" or "sorry, she's not having a very good day" or "sorry, she doesn't like strangers".<br><br>
I believe that when we make our children socialize when they're uncomfortable, we are encouraging them to suppress their natural instincts about people. Our children should never be embarassed to say "Stop! I feel uncomfortable" and leave the situation.<br><br>
If you find it hard to stand up for yourself, that's fine for you I guess, but remember in this case you're not standing up for yourself, you're standing up for your child. That should be easier.
 

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<table border="0" cellpadding="6" cellspacing="0" width="99%"><tr><td class="alt2" style="border:1px inset;">
<div>Originally Posted by <strong>evergreenmom</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/10308425"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">I am a SAHM so my baby doesn't have any interaction with daycare providers. When friends or family members ask to hold her, I feel awful saying no, so I let them. However, she doesn't like it. She will <b>pout and start to cry.</b> This is the kicker...you would think they would give her right back to me...no, <b>they keep holding her and talking to her. It ticks me off.</b> I then will say "oh do you want mommy back and hold my arms out to give them the hint" Should I not do that and let her get used to other people? She is <b>4 months old</b>.<br><br>
Also I hate it when COMPLETE strangers touch her. I will be in stores and they will come up to her while I have her in the sling and touch her arm.<br><br>
While I am venting, I hate at church when she will be sleeping in the sling and they will come up and touch her and wake her up....GRRR.<br><br>
Lisa</div>
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I have this problem too. to: "can I hold him?" "not right now." or: "no thanks" or: "maybe later..." are perfectly reasonable answers. if i feel like handing my lo over, i say: he will probably cry, he usually does when other people hold him." then if he does, they are not offended, and if he doesn't they feel really good about themselves. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/orngtongue.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Stick Out Tongue"> i have also been known to say: "ok, but i will take him back when he starts to fuss." i have actually had (little) aurguments with people when he's fussing and they say well hes not actually CRYING, it doesn't bother them, its ok...I'm like ITS NOT OK WITH ME!...I find myself saying the chipper, kindly "not right now" a lot to those people... and I think they notice. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/winky.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Wink">
 

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<table border="0" cellpadding="6" cellspacing="0" width="99%"><tr><td class="alt2" style="border:1px inset;">
<div>Originally Posted by <strong>gurglebaby</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/10309248"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">If ds gets upset when somebody is holding him I just immediately take him back. I don't even ask... I've never even thought about whether it's rude or not because he's my baby.<br>
I've never understood why everyone on the planet feels the need to hold babies, especially when it's not offered. I've had complete strangers ask to hold my baby...excuse me? No!</div>
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same here!
 
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