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My dear friend, also my first husband, passed away from lymphoma yesterday. He was only 50 years old and although we knew for 6 weeks it was still so unexpected. We have been divorced for 18 years but we remained very, very, close. We spoke almost daily and kept in touch with his family about as often. I am just heart broken. He found out while on vacation in FL and refused to come home to GA. He asked for me for the last 2 days (just kept saying my name)and I just couldn't make the 16 hour RT drive and there are no airports close enough. I don't knw if I can forgive myslef for not being with him and I HAVE to attend his service next Sunday.<br><br>
He never remarried or even had a serious relationship and his family is quite small. We burried his mom, dad, (who I loved like my own) grandmother and my mother within weeks of each other almost 16 years ago and it created a bond between us that was never broken. God it hurts to see him go.<br><br>
I see my OB tomorrow and wonder if I should tell him. I would very much like to discuss this with him and get his advise. What if he somehow forbids me to go? What if he notes this and I go anyway, as I am, and end up in L&D out of state. Medicade may not pay. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/greensad.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="greensad"> The trip is only 2 hours/4hr RT, I was going 6 hr RT to my previous OB, so really its not that bad but with the stress...<br><br>
If I do go into labor I don't know if I should try to make it home (2hour drive). I now I have a hundred more questions about traveling in late pg but I am having a hard time thinking straight. I'm hoping you mamas can fill me in on things I will wish I had asked.<br><br>
I just got the call about an hour ago. I am trying to do anything I can to keep from crying all day and really stressing my baby but my gosh it hurts something awful. I want to walk out to the woods and scream and cry and run until I drop but I can't. I really could use some prayers and advice. I am so sorry to bring this out, I have avoided this here, its so sad and we are all so pg. I'm sorry. I just really trust the advice from you ladies and really need some sound words I can depend on. TIA<br><br>
I am so worried about the crying. I am afraid I am scaring my baby. I am trying SO hard to keep it together just for her but it huuuuuuuuuuurts, and I feel so guilty for hurting her. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/greensad.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="greensad">
 

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Oh mama, I can't do much. But, I can always pray and lift you up in this time of need.<br><br>
Your little baby will be ok if you cry, you will cry lots throughout her life and so will she. You are going to need to take time to grieve.<br><br>
I never have the right words or lots of them, but I'm really sorry for your loss. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/bawling.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="bawl">
 

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<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug">:<br><br>
I'm sorry. The last thing you should worry about is some doctor. No doctor can "forbid" you to do anything.<br><br>
Repeat after me: "The doctor works for <b>ME</b>."<br><br>
If you're really concerned about traveling, go in <b>telling</b> the doc your plans and ask for <b>advice</b> on how to best manage it. It really sounds like you need to get there for your own mental well being. I'd take it easy, wouldn't try to do the whole trip at once, and would try to stay as comfortable as possible. It's also rare for a baby to arrive exactly 40 weeks after LMP. Especially with a first baby. Pack your birth kit or "go bag" to take in the car just in case, and know that you can get help at any local hospital should an actual emergency arise.
 

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I agree with Diva Mama. Ask for your doc's advice, find out some info about a few docs and hospitals in the area of the funeral. But there is no "let". Its not up to the doctor whether you are "allowed" to go. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug"> I am so sorry for your loss.
 

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You don't need your doctor's permission to go, and I'm pretty sure Medicaid would pay, though it wouldn't hurt to call, tell them the situation, and see. I live in Mississippi, but very close to Tennessee and there are lots of MS medicaid providers across the state line.<br><br>
I'm so sorry for your loss and pray that you find comfort and peace in this difficult time.<br><br>
Christa
 

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Oh mama, my heart aches for you. Truthfully, if it were me, I would go. Bring along someone to drive if you get crampy or just feel 'off', do a bit of research about hospitals along your route, and go say goodbye.<br><br>
Don't worry about the stress hurting baby - cherish her jabs in the ribs and know that she is trying to comfort you in her own way. It's so painful to lose someone close to us, but you have real, physical proof that life is a circle, right under your heart. Be gentle with yourself, and allow yourself to feel - let the emotions wash through you, and then let them go - you are not your sadness, you are not this pain, they are momentary. *hugs hugs hugs*
 

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Yeah- I would just go.<br><br>
I like the whole "Doctor works for Me" That's so very true; and important to remember.<br><br>
Remember this, also:<br><br>
Sometimes it is better to ask for forgiveness than permission.<br><br>
If you don't ask, they can't say no. You're just as "eligible" for services in one state as you are in another; it's a federal program.<br><br>
It's only 2 hours away, I'll bet you'll be fine.<br><br>
It seems like NOT going would be way more stressful than going.<br><br>
Maybe you'll end up birthing in a fantastic hospital that lets you labor in water or something!
 

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Somehow I missed the insurance part - they *might* be able to refuse to pay. Our insurance specifically states that it will pay for out of state things during an emergency OR up to a certain amount per year, EXCEPT during the last 4 weeks of pregnancy. Its not medicaid, so I don't know if there are different rules, but I would look in your handbook. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug">
 

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I'm so sorry for your loss, and I know that it's extra hard when endings and beginnings happen so closely together. Please be gentle with yourself during this tough time. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug"><br><br>
As far as your trip...<br><br>
Medicaid MIGHT be a problem... what would have to happen is some majorly burecratic paperwork where the hospital in whatever state you deliver in would have to agree to accept the assignment of whatever state you're on medicaid through so that they can get paid. Pretty much, they become an 'enrolled medicaid provider' for your state just long enough to get paid, and agree to take whatever medicaid pays as full payment for services rendered. It's tough sometimes to get hospitals to do it, but big and major hospitals who handle emergencies would probably know the procedure fairly well. I would be careful that if anything DOES happen to go to a hospital that accepts medicaid in the state you're visiting, just in case.<br><br>
Other than that, as far as I'm aware (I have to travel for a business trip that I'm trying madly to get out of at 36 weeks, so I've been researching this like mad) the big issues other than going into labor are staying hydrated, blood pressure, and the possibility of developing a blood clot from being still so long. Pretty much all of them are solved by the same stuff: drink a LOT of water, and get up and walk, stretch and move regularly during your trip to keep your blood moving.
 

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First off, <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug">s<br><br>
I traveled at 30 weeks pregnant with Medicaid and wound up in the ER (not for anything baby-related...had a tick on me and we couldn't get it off so my doctor's office at home when I called them said to get into an ER and have them remove it since I wouldn't be home for a few more days). I think as long as you called your primary care provider on Medicaid BEFORE going to an out-of-state hospital and they put it in your records that they told you to go into an ER, you should be fine. That's how it works here for out-of-state emergency care, at least.<br><br>
I also wouldn't ask for permission from a doctor. We were faced with a close family member maybe dying recently and I had already decided that I would be going down to be with them no matter what. They were 7.5 hrs away. What I had planned on doing, since I knew the two closest hospitals were no place I would ever go, was to research nearby hospitals online and decide which one I'd want to go to. Find out how far it was from where I was staying, etc. that way I would be prepared if I did go into labor down there.
 

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>Diva Mama</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/9822756"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;"><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug">:<br><br>
I'm sorry. The last thing you should worry about is some doctor. No doctor can "forbid" you to do anything.<br><br>
Repeat after me: "The doctor works for <b>ME</b>."<br><br>
If you're really concerned about traveling, go in <b>telling</b> the doc your plans and ask for <b>advice</b> on how to best manage it. It really sounds like you need to get there for your own mental well being. I'd take it easy, wouldn't try to do the whole trip at once, and would try to stay as comfortable as possible. It's also rare for a baby to arrive exactly 40 weeks after LMP. Especially with a first baby. Pack your birth kit or "go bag" to take in the car just in case, and know that you can get help at any local hospital should an actual emergency arise.</div>
</td>
</tr></table></div>
I agree with this. As for the crying, go for it. Your baby will be fine. Medicaid will pay for emergencies even if they are out of state, at least that is what I understand.
 

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I'm so sorry for the loss of your dear friend. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/greensad.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="greensad"> I lost my father-in-law in March to lymphoma that progressed to leukemia, so I can relate to how you're feeling.<br><br>
Do you think he would've wanted you to go, knowing you're so pregnant? He knows what's in your heart and understands if you can't do the trip right now. If you think he'd want you to go, and you want to, then make it happen if that's what in your heart and soul to do. Really 2 hours isn't *that* far as far as the hazards of traveling, etc...You can stop and walk every half hour or so, etc...to help keep your circulation going. How long would you have to drive if you were all the way to the service, went into labor, and needed to get back across your state lines? Medicaid is a federal program but each state has it's own programs, so it's a question mark on what would get paid for in your case. I can't imagine any hospital turning you away if you were truly in need, though.<br><br>
Regarding the stress and the crying, try getting some Rescue Remedy to see if that helps. Listen to soothing music, take hot showers and maybe some warm baths. Let yourself cry-I think it's worse to keep the stress in and not let it out...remember, tears release those stress hormones and get them out of your body. Your baby will be fine. Talk to her, and tell her why you're sad, and why you need to cry, and thank her for being with you and a comfort to you during this hard time. I know she'll understand, too. ((((((((((((Hugs)))))))) to you.
 

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I agree, just go. It doesn't sound like that long of a trip, so as long as you make it there before contractions (with someone else driving!), I think you shouldn't have a problem making it back before delivery, although it might not be the most comfortable place to be in labor. Also, chances are you will still have plenty of time before labor at 38 weeks.<br><br>
I am so sorry for your loss, it sounds like you two were very close. Please, please do not worry about not being there in the final days, he probably spoke about you because you were there in his heart, and always will be. People that love us don't want us to feel bad.
 

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I just drove 3 hrs round trip today to see my parents - I stopped approx. halfway both directions, and I was fine. I would take someone with you though - just in case.<br>
I'm so sorry you're hurting <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/gloomy.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Gloomy">:
 

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Discussion Starter · #15 ·
Thank you for the warm words and good advice. I am so far out I didn't even think about my hospital bag, so thank you again for reminding me of the simple things. I surely would have forgotten. I think you all are right too, I doubt I will go into labor on the trip, it is pretty short considering they were sending me 6 hours RT to the other OB and will be sure to remind the new OB of that.<br><br>
I have to go. It is all so unreal. I keep reaching for or walking to the phone thinking, I'm going to call Tony, he won't believe... and then I realize he won't answer and he never will again and it just breaks me up. He asked to be cremated, and I am just dying over that, ultimately I won't get to see him again and I hate it. I still feel I must go to the memorial, I desperately need some closure.<br><br>
It feels better to hear its OK to cry and to be able to reason this with other ppl. People keep telling me not to get upset, and that my baby needs me, talk about guilt, but I have to get it out, at least a little. I miss him so much already. I just can't believe it all happened so fast. I want to call him so damn bad. Yes, he hated it when I cried, I tried not to, but he also understood I need to. Even in his death he was very private and so very strong. He was so scared but never showed it. Even to allow me to pray with him was hard, he was a very personal sort, but he would want me to grieve and get it out if I have to.<br><br>
I am going to take the advice here and start on mapquest looking at hospitals along the way, just in case. I am also going to TELL this OB I am going, and ask him to provide some support, not critisism, b4 he even gets to respond.<br><br>
Thanks again, I knew I could count on you mama's and atleast now I feel like someone has my back so to speak when I explain this to others. I have to say too, DH has been so incredibly understanding. We just married last Saturday and I could see where he might hurt as I am crying over another man, but he has been very supportive. He is going to drive us. I have called the family and they know he will be with me and are actually excited to meet him and think he is wonderful for the way he is handling it all. Thank you God for this man, these mama's, and your love, strength, and comfort, thank you.
 

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I'm so very sorry for your loss <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/greensad.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="greensad"><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug">
 

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<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug"> So sorry to hear about the loss of what sounds like a very special man. I think going - and bringing the hospital bag and seeing if there are places you can go to in the area - sound like a great idea since it is so important to you. So here's another person who has your back!<br><br>
Also, if you are 2 hours from your own hospital, you have a pretty good chance of getting home in plenty of time! Be really in tune with your body and if you feel like you might be pushing it, you can always choose to leave earlier than expected - but more than likely that won't happen.<br><br>
Cry/vent all you want and need to; that will be easier on your body and soul (and thus your baby) than holding it in. Of course that can be easier said than done but you can always come here and type it out and people will read/respond/care! I am terribly sorry you have to go through this.
 
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