[jenn5388]

Hello,<br><br>
I have a friend who's daughter is 5 years old and in Kindergarten.<br><br>
Since the beginning of the year, there's been nothing but problems with the school/other kids.<br><br>
Remember, She's 5 years old.. That's important because I have a story that sounds like the children are in highschool. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/irked.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="irked">:<br><br>
Okay in the beginning of the year, the first thing that happened was My friend's daughter was being "Touched" on the bus by another student. That got figured out, the other students mother ended up pulling her out of the school. Come to find out the student was touching quite a few little kids on the bus. I don't wanna really call it Molesting, because the child was her age, but it was still Bad, as my friends daughter didn't wanna play that way.<br><br>
So after that, My friends daughter was being called names by other students.. and not normal "poopyhead or You're not invited to my birthday party!" kind of 5 year old stuff, but more VERY NASTY names, Names I probably can't even say without this being taken off.. Yeah bad.<br><br>
Okay.. they dealt with that... then we got one student that happens to be my friends daughter's cousin in her class. She's the most Agressive 5 year old I've ever heard of. I think there must be something going on in her home for her to act out like this.. she was also part of the name calling earlier in the year.<br><br>
There wasn't any problems between the 2 of them until this school year.<br>
But now she is Shoving my friends daughter down.. Punching, kicking and hitting her on the bus and at recess, and I guess still calling her names and Threatening her. She's left numberous cuts, Bumps and bruises on my friends child. then wednesday, at recess time, My friends daughter was playing on the swing when 3 girls (including her cousin) pulled her off the swing, pushed her up against the wall and punched and kicked her then shoved her down on the ground, and after that the girl threatened that if she came back to school she would "Crack her head open on the cement"<br><br>
Are we remembering these are 5 year olds??<br><br>
My friend has called the school, has been in for meetings with the teachers, Principal and even the bus driver to make sure these 2 kids are kept apart from eachother and which they did for about a week, before they were put back together again and the girl started all this up again.<br><br>
I Imagine there's not much the school can do, but you'd think they would try a little harder. According to the "bully's" mother, She had no idea any of it was going on, and Says my friend is making it all up. But they aren't on best terms anyway.. so who knows if she's telling the truth about knowing any of this.. We are lead to believe she does know, because of some of the stuff that has happened over the last several months. But apparently the mother isn't going to do anything about it either.<br><br>
My friend is wondering what she should do. She's scared to send her daughter to school, her daughter is Terrified of going to school, and the school won't return her phonecalls. she's thinking of sueing the school, but she's not sure how to go about it, or if she should at all.<br><br>
Both Children are 5 years old, But my friends daughter is just a little thing, and the the other girl towers over her. And now apparently she's got a "gang" of people to help beat her up.<br><br>
I should also mention that pulling her out of the school to change schools or to homeschool isn't an Option right now, if it were, she wouldn't have a problem anymore. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/greensad.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="greensad"><br><br>
So it looks like she will be stuck in this school until the end of the year.. june 22nd.. But if it gets much worse I'm thinking there will be bones broken or worse.<br><br>
My friends husband told his daughter the next time she tries to do something punch her in the face as hard as you can, but that really isn't going to make anything better... I suggested Karate Classes. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/winky.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Wink"> With all these cases of kids bringing weapons to school, she's more worried than ever that this child will bring something like a knife to school and hurt her with it.<br><br>
I wanna help my friend, but my daughter is 2.5 years old and hasn't been in school yet, so I have no idea how to help her. So I thought that someone here, might have a good idea. Anyone got any links to anything, or know anything my friend can do? she's also curious if she did sue, what kind of laywer would she look for, I was thinking Civil rights, but I got no clue. would there be a case against the school or against the parents of the student?<br><br>
We live in washington if that helps anything. she's beyond fed up and doesn't know what to do. Thanks for reading!<br><br>
Jennifer<br><br>
PS. She plans on sending her daughter to a new school next year for sure.

 

[CarrieMF]

I know you said switching schools isn't possible, but if she is being sent to a different school next year then yes it is possible to switch now.<br><br>
She needs to walk into that school and demand answers from the principle. The principle is allowing this to happen.<br><br>
She needs to phone up the superintenant of the school and the school board tell then what is going on, what the school has NOT done about it and most importantly that she wants something DONE.<br><br>
She does need to threaten to sue, but also has to be prepared to follow through.<br><br>
She needs to contact the police and report everything that has gone on. She can charge the family.<br><br>
She needs to talk to her dd's cousin's parents and demand that they do something too. If this did not start between the 2 cousins until this year then I am doubting it has anything to do with homelife, but that the cousin is following the crowd. IF it really does have to do with her homelife then perhaps a CPS call is needed.<br><br>
Then she needs to call the media, especially if the police, parents, school & school boards decide they are not going to do anything.<br><br>
If the dd hits back I can guarantee that she will be the one who gets in trouble while the bully gets no punishment, the bully will most likely react even worse towards her & the family will probably sue your friend.<br><br>
If she goes in Karate and uses those moves it can cause the problem to be worse.

 

[Evan&Anna's_Mom]

In addition to the above she needs to start heavily documenting everything. What her daughter said happened, who else might have seen it, where the teachers / playground supervisor was, who was called and what they said, how many phone calls etc. All of it, in one place, all the time.<br><br>
My big question is where are the teachers here? Who is supervising the playground?<br><br>
And definately she needs to push the school administration and the school board harder. Forget the phone calls -- visit.

 

[rainyday]

What CarrieMF said, but everything needs to be in writing. Write a letter to the principal. Write a letter to the superintendent. Be specific that this is a pattern of ongoing harassment and bullying and that it is the school's legal responsibility to stop it. List dates and details of incidents in these letters. Ask for a response by a specific date. If someone calls to follow up, immediately follow up that call with an email outlining exactly what was said and promised and send it to whomever called. I'd say in the letters that if the school is not willing to protect the child, then legal representation will be retained. If your friend knows a letter who would be willing to write the initial letters, that would be even better.

 

[jenn5388]

First to everyone, I sent all the replies to my friend.. She's not very computer literate yet, so I thought it would be easier for me to ask here, then for her to. lol<br><br>
First to CarrieMF.. she know she could put her in a different school this late in the year, it has nothing to do with the law or anything like that, it's that the school is very far off, and the busses won't pick up or drop off from that other school, and my friend isn't a member of the "people with driver's licenses" yet. lol (either am I for that matter) but over the summer she plans on doing all of that stuff. So that is why She can't put her in a different school right this minute.<br><br>
Also, the reason we think that something might be going on in the home is because the Father of this child is no longer in the picture, now I know that doesn't mean the child is being beat or anything, but The child's father was seeing her up until this last summer, when he found a new girlfriend with a child the same age as his daughter and he just stopped seeing her. I think that can Affect a child quite a bit, and I would think she would have alot of anger over that which could be making her Act out like this. And of course all 3 of the girls were in the same class up until the touching episode where the one girl was yanked out of school. Yes, incase you don't understand, My friend's daughter, her cousin and this fathers girlfriend's child were all in the same class. Who knows what this little girl could of said to the little girl that is now Acting out like this. See, there's a little more info then I shared the first time around, just because the post was long enough. lol<br><br><br>
Oh and don't worry, We both know the hitting her back would end up making it worse, and I was completely kidding about the Karate thing. It could probably be called Assult with a Weapon or something.<br><br>
As for Evan&anna's_mom, My friend's daughter said she didn't see the Duty teacher out there anywhere when this happened. I'm not sure the layout of the recess yard or if there's a covered area, or even how many classes go out at the same time or how many different teachers there would be out there. but according to the 5 year old, she didn't see anyone but other kids.<br><br>
Thanks everyone for your help! I know it's a long drawn out thing and I'm glad you 3 got though it!! lol<br><br>
Jennifer

 

[CarrieMF]

I agree that the cousin could definitly have issues with the changes to her family, especially if the dad's girlfriend's dd is also in the same class.<br><br>
Here all the kids from K-6 go out for recess at the same time & there are 2 teachers on supervision. They wear those reflective orange/white vests so they are easier to see. The schoolground is quite large though, 2 separate playgrounds, football field, 2 basketball courts, baseball field. There's enough room the city puts a skating rink in through the winter. 2 supervisors aren't really enough due to the space. BUT the kids will get older kids(in grade 5/6) if they have a problem and a supervisor isn't around. The school encourages interaction between all grades and it helps for schoolground issues that they can go to the older kids.

 

[rabrog]

This brought tears to my eyes. I am so sorry for this child and her mother.<br><br>
I'll number my responses - please know this it tinged with initial anger but I mean every word:<br><br>
1. Who in the world thought it was a good idea to have a child and her father's girlfriend's child in the same class?????<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/yikes2.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="yikes">: <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/scared.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="scared"><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/yikes.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="EEK!"><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/jaw2.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="jaw2"><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/jaw.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="dropjaw"><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/bigeyes.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="bigeyes"> (Do all of those convey what a BAD idea I think that is?????????? That's not fair to either child).<br><br>
2. I would get myself down there first thing in the morning and sit in the office until the principal saw me. I'd wait all day. If I was refused all day, I'd be there the next day and the next and the next - pack a lunch and snacks. I would not move my butt until I was seen and had been HEARD.<br><br>
3. I would go to the school super's office (call for an appt. if possible since this has not been brought up with this person yet) and do the same thing if I got nowhere satisfactory with the principal.<br><br>
4. Still no where, go to the school board. Demand answers and change.<br><br>
5. Hire a lawyer (I'd bet money you can get a pro bono on this one - anyone who has a child should be willing to help). Sue the school, sue the district. If you have FACTS on who the students are perpetuating this violence on you child, you sue them, too.<br><br>
6. After you have lawyer and with the lawyer's approval, you go to the media. Get other parents upset, angry over your child's treatment and the lack of action by the above parties.<br><br>
(Okay, now that I have that out of my system...)<br><br>
Another thing, if this hasn't been done, your friend needs to talk to the cousin's mom (friend's sister? I'm assuming) and say WTF? Does she not KNOW what is going on? Is she informed but allowing it? Just...WTF?<br><br>
I am not one for fighting, but my children will know how to defend themselves. If they are being physically injured by another person, they have my full permission to DEFEND themselves - not beat the offending party to a pulp, mind you, but defend themselves. I'll sort it out later and take what comes if my child is in danger and forced to act.<br><br>
If my child is the bully or strikes another child maliciously (not talking the usual push off a toy or something), there will be hell to pay at home.<br><br>
Jenn

 

[mommytolittlelilly]

That poor little girl! And she's been putting up with this hellish nightmare for the whole school year!<br><br>
Please encourage your friend to do whatever it takes to get her daughter out of this situation!<br><br>
I agree with rabrog about all the steps for getting the school to take some action. I am SHOCKED that they are not at the very least stopping the physical abuse your friend's daughter is being subjected to. In my experience, they at least take the physical stuff seriously. Is this a public or a private school? Frankly I don't even know if I'd want my precious child around these kids (a gang of kids going after her?!) even if the situation were remedied by the school admin at this late date in the year.<br><br>
Can she get a friend with a driver's license to drive the girl to the different school? Map out how to get there w/ public transportation if mom can't drive? If it were me and I couldn't figure out a way to get her to that other school this year, I'd pull her out and get a tutor or some other kind of care for the rest of the school year. I mean, this is really, really serious. We're talking about not just the physical danger, but also the emotional scarring that can result from this kind of experience. This could really inhibit this poor child's ability to trust people and form relationships.<br><br>
I wish her and her little girl the best of luck and lots of strength and hugs!

 

[Evan&Anna's_Mom]

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>jenn5388</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/7920943"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">As for Evan&anna's_mom, My friend's daughter said she didn't see the Duty teacher out there anywhere when this happened. I'm not sure the layout of the recess yard or if there's a covered area, or even how many classes go out at the same time or how many different teachers there would be out there. but according to the 5 year old, she didn't see anyone but other kids.</div>
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Surely the little girl told her teacher about what was happening? What did the school do? It seems very, very negligant if the school doesn't know this is going on because it points to very poor supervision. If they do know what's going on but not doing anything, that's really awful too.<br><br>
I know this is goig to sound awful, but is there any chance the little girl is exagerating things for attention? It just seems so unreal to me that a school wouldn't know about all of this and/or wouldn't do anything about it. But maybe I'm just naive because my kids are at really great schools.<br><br>
If this is an accurate portrayal of what is happening and the schools lack of response, I think I would pull her out of school for the rest of the year. Its kindergarten after all, probably not even mandated attendance. Assuming, of course, that the mom is at home during the day.

 

[Sunflowermommie]

This poor child <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/greensad.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="greensad"><br><br>
I live in Washington state most school districts here have a No Bullying policy.<br><br>
What school district is this little girl in?

 

[Marcee]

I too live is Wahington state and just dealt with my own bullying problems with my first grader. Poor little guy was faking sick so that he would not have too go out to recess because 3 other boys were holding his coat while another little boy beat him up. This same little boy was beating on my nephew who is a kinder. about 6 weeks ago. I am lucky though because our principal handled it asap. I will say I do feel sorry for the bully as he is a larger child and I am sure that kids are being mean to him and that is why he acts out so much. From what I understand he is not even allowed to sit in the grouped desks in his class because he is so volatile.<br><br>
However if it had not been handled I would contact the the Super. and then get an Attorney! It is insane that kids are acting like this! I am not sure what is going at home for these kids but I would never condon such behavior!

 

[mommytolittlelilly]

Jenn, any updates for us on how this little girl and her mom are doing?