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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Ok, Say a potential client called you. Wanting you to attend her homebirth. One of the duties at the homebirth would be....
: trying to keep the 3yr old somewhat....not in the way...but not ignored...but somewhat involved...KWIM??

Would you be offended???

:

Let's just say, new to the area...dont know anyone, dont know anyone well enough to trust in my birthspace....doubt I will by December...and well...I really dont want my DD ignored during the whole thing, but I wont have anyone to take her either....

At least with a Doula there, if DD needs DH, he can go tend to her while the Doula tends to me...or whatever...

I asked the Military Family Resource center about their emergency childcare and they are like "Only if he's deployed and you go to the hospital to have the baby can we take her, until then, you will have to probably schedule an induction and call us with the date"
:

I dont dare tell any of the people in my "Neighborhood" about my homebirth plan. I live in a REALLY homebirth friendly town, with the exception of my neighborhood, military families, from across Canada, all mainstream. Heck when I went to the MFRC for my welcome package and dependant orientation they tried to hook me up with an OB!!!
: I told them "Thanks but no thanks, I called a midwifery practice here as soon as we got our posting message" And they looked at me like I had 10 heads. ANYWAY I made the "mistake" in Borden by telling people I had a homebirth and was planning another...they all treated me like I was some sort of freak...I really dont need that sort of alientation for my DD who will be going to school with the children around here and would have to "live with the stigma" KWIM? So I gotta do my best.

It seems like Dec is so close, but it really doesn't feel like it. I'm already 21 weeks along in my pregnancy...

Oh yeah, Family, and Inlaws are on the other side of the continent. They aren't any help and I REALLY dont want them involved in my birth time either. MIL would be a worry wart and totally disrupt the vibe, and so would my mother...I really dont want that happening. Heck I dont even want them around during my babymoon!

I just dont know how we'll get the money for a doula...Hubby's relitively tight walleted if that's a word. If it isn't it is now! hehe

Thanks for listening
 

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I've been hired twice by families that wanted me specifically for sibling support. If I didn't have family in the area who could do it, I would do the same.

Heck, even if you did have a family member or friend to do it, I think the reassurance a doula could give would be invaluable. The last thing you want is a family member freaking out and scaring your toddler more. Someone to tell your little one that mom is ok, mom's noises are because she is working hard to have the baby, that the blood doesn't mean someone is hurt, etc......

At my homebirth, my doula sat on my bed, right beside me. My 5 yo sat on her lap, and my doula talked her through the entire thing. I loved having her there, but knew that Val knew exactly what to say to her to make her feel safe so I could let go of that worry.

If a doula didn't want to do that kind of support, I wouldn't want to hire her,kwim? Yes, it's not the hands on labor support we are used to, but sometimes the job just isn't about that, especially at a homebirth.
 

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I wouldn't be OFFENDED, but I wouldn't be thrilled either, to be honest. Although I can see your dilemma. Could you hire two doulas and delegate? I attended a birth recently with another doula, and it was surprisingly good -- we complemented each other nicely. (She was the paid doula, I was volunteering because I needed a birth and it was a friend, on a weekend, etc.) Anyway, I'd hire two if you possibly can.
:
 

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Not a problem at all, but I do offer sibling doula services. Just be up front and tell people you are looking for a sibling doula.

I loved having my kids around for my hb and would totally want to help another family have the opportunity to have the same. A sibling doula should not be upset at missing the birth if that is what your dd wants. Go for it.
The worst anyone can say is "no" but I hope they say "no, thanks, but you can call....".
 

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I don't see that as a problem, either. If taking care of a sibling is what is going to make the birth a happy experience for Mom, then that's what I'm going to do. That's my number one goal.
 

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I think in your situation a doula is a great substitute for a family member or friend for your child during the birth if you want her near... you are smart to realize that she needs someone there to tend to HER, and yes, the doula and your DP could swtich off being with you so that daddy can be with your daughter for some of it.
 

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Discussion Starter · #8 ·
Quote:

Originally Posted by hippiemom
I think in your situation a doula is a great substitute for a family member or friend for your child during the birth if you want her near... you are smart to realize that she needs someone there to tend to HER, and yes, the doula and your DP could swtich off being with you so that daddy can be with your daughter for some of it.
As I said, she's only 3, so it's not like she can cook for herself, run her own bath and switch DVD's if need be. And she still needs love and attention just as any 3 year old does. She's a real easy going kid. She's able to play solo for a while, but after a bit she'll get bored and start getting destructive, Like any 3 year old does when they get bored.

I really have to bring this up with DH. We NEED someone for her, it wouldn't be fair to shove her off to the background, nor just kick her out KWIM? It's just hard bringing up an expense like that to him without him going
and then me going
:
 

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I think you should call around and see, and be upfront that her role won't be the "traditional" doula role of supporting YOU, but more like a childcare person. I think that some doulas are likely to say "no thanks" because they are not that interested in that type of work, and some will say "sure" and be willing to do it. Can't hurt to call around and see.
 

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I wouldn't be upset, but I don't think I would accept the job unless I was hired to either work with the child or with the mother. The problem that I see is that there may come a point when the mother needs me, but then the child needs me and I would be torn on who to tend to. I would have to go with the duty that I was originally hired for.

My suggestion would be to hire the doula either to tend to you or hire her to tend to your child, but then make sure that you do not cross the boundary and end up using her for both purposes. If you can afford it I would hire a doula for yourself and then hire a doula to tend to your child. This way both of you will be taken care of and needs met without needing to worry about who will do what.

As a side note, this did happen to me once. I was asked to be the doula, but then to also tend to the child's needs. After explaining to the mother that she would have to hire me for one or the other purposes she decided to find a family member to tend to her child.
 

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Hiya! I wouldn't be offended at all to be asked to provide sibling support (in fact, some Doulas specialise in this type of work), but it's something you will have to explain during the interviewing process (not saying that you would "forget" to mention something so important, but it would not be a nice surprise to find out at the birth lol).
I tend to agree with tlcdoula, that you would probably want to hire a Doula either specifically for yourself or for your DD and not confuse the two support roles (unless you are able to find a Doula who will swap out with your husband willingly and if your husband doesn't mind leaving you to attend DD and vice versa).

I'm assuming you're in Canada... Have you tried posting a listing on Bellywomen for free/low cost Doula services?
Depending on where you are, there are currently two listings from Doulas in Canada.
The first is a little older, offering free services in BC (Peachland/Kelowna to Penticton areas). You can see the advertisement here. Even though the post is a little older, if you're in that area, you can certainly email her and ask if she is willing to provide low-cost services to attend your DD during the birth.
The second is a recent post for free services being offered in ON (Waterloo and Kitchener area). You can see her advertisement here.
I would email both of the women and ask if they could refer you to any Doulas in your area who are willing to provide free/lowcost services for your situation (be sure to mention the support you will need for DD and the fact that you are planning a homebirth - most Doulas would love to attend a HB!).

Also, have you searched the Doula listings on the Find A Doula feature at Childbirth International? Select the country and region you're in and hopefully you will find a few in your area. I would email them to find out if they offer a sliding scale/reduced fee for military/low-income families.


There are many other websites online with Doula listings, I'm sure other MDC mamas can link you to a few. Bellywomen is a good place to start for low-cost Doulas (although, admittedly, the bulk of the listings are from mamas and Doulas in the USA).
Good luck! Keep us posted!
 

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Wouldn't be offended but wouldn't take the job. BECAUSE I would feel too tempted to step over into my doula role and I am afraid that I would not be as focused on your daughter as she will need. I would however hook you up with another doula who would be comfortable with that, perhaps a newer doula who would like to have at least some involvment in a homebirth. Or, I would hook you up with my "weekend" babysitter, who is a teenage girl (with a mom close by). She has lots of energy and loves playing with babies. How about a call to your DONA International State Representative? (Let me know if you need help finding out who that is.) I bet she could suggest someone or at least get you contact info. Good luck!
 

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I've done sibling support, and I am a midwife apprentice! This was for a lady i had been doula for previously, and apparently they liked the way I worked with thier children, so I stayed with them at the house, til mom was 6 cm or so, then they called us over to the hospital and I watched the two youngers there, while the 2 olders were with mom and dad in the labor room(wonderful hospital! It's rare).The staff let me stay in the room across the hall from mom and so the two youngers could hear their mom, and know she was OK(they were 2 and 3 when the sibling was born) . So just after the birth they called us over and we came in the room, and celebrated with them, and got some pictures for them. They had the next baby at home, and it was really neat! That would probably be your best bet for some support. I have also done military births for people, and it is best not to say anything about homebirth plans til after the fact!
 

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Discussion Starter · #14 ·
Quote:

Originally Posted by 1stimestar
Wouldn't be offended but wouldn't take the job. BECAUSE I would feel too tempted to step over into my doula role and I am afraid that I would not be as focused on your daughter as she will need. I would however hook you up with another doula who would be comfortable with that, perhaps a newer doula who would like to have at least some involvment in a homebirth. Or, I would hook you up with my "weekend" babysitter, who is a teenage girl (with a mom close by). She has lots of energy and loves playing with babies. How about a call to your DONA International State Representative? (Let me know if you need help finding out who that is.) I bet she could suggest someone or at least get you contact info. Good luck!
I dropped an Email to Linda Baril, the DONA rep (I'm guessing) for my area earlyer this evening. there's a baby boom going on around here so she might not get back to me ASAP but that's ok. I'll see what the vibe is around here. This area is VERY NCB and Homebirth friendly, BUT, my NEIGHBORHOOD...notsomuch...hence why I want to keep a low profile about my birthing plans. Military members and Spouses (even up here in Canada) Dont like their "norms" shaken not stirred. lol. That's what led to my subsequent alienation in my last posting. I was TOO Open about my ideals. Homebirth, cloth diaper, Breastfeeding...didn't sit well and I guess the mommas felt threataned..I dont want that here, as I said my DD has to go to school with the children of these women here and I dont want to make it any harder on her than it already will be...

I'm acctually thinking of becomming a Doula myself one of these days. So getting my foot in the door this way would be nice too
 

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Just want to second what everyone else has basically already said: Yup, I would hire a doula, be very clear about the sibling doula role, some will say no, some will jump at the chance. It's just like not all doulas do postpartum doula work, but some thrive on it. It's still being a doula, but it requires very different skills and temperment, although there's a lot of overlap (most birth doulas are/would be good sibling doulas, but not all of them, and not all of them want to do that work).

Ok, now I'm starting to
so I'll stop. Hope it all works out for you!
 

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If you're area is anything like here- where doulas don't have the opportunity to attend many homebirths, they might jump at the chance to even be there, regardless of their "duties". I sure would!
 

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Speaking from a newer doulas perspective I would do it in a second! Like
1stimestar said many new doulas would do it (probably very low cost) just for the chance to attend a home birth. I would love to doula for children at a birth and I think you wont have too much trouble finding someone to do it and a price you can afford. There are a ton of doula searches

www.dona.com
www.cappa.net
www.alldoulas.com (though having technical difficulties right now)
www.doulanetwork.com
www.doulaworld.com
www.bellywoman.net

and others....
 

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Quote:

Originally Posted by joandchris18
Sorry to correct, but its bellywomen, with an e. And there is also findadoula.com too. I hope this is helping you with your search.
Thanks for the correction!!!
 
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