[littlemizflava]

first off thanks for your time i have been thinking about posting this for a few months but cant take it no more i want to know so i have quick question's.
were you allowed to play with "girlie" toys and/or allowed to wear pink clothing?
feel free to make comments

thanks for your help

:

the reason I ask I am a straight mom with 2 children boy 2 and girl 6. i get all the time that I am turning my son gay. i dont feel i am but it makes me wonder. he is allowed to wear pink/girilie clothing (socks, slippers, pj's) around the house, pink dress shirts he wears going out (he loves dress shirts). he watches dora the explorer, plays with dolls and babies, has a kitchen, dress up (there is girlie outfits) and plays with the same toys as his older sister. with all this said my son is a car, truck or anything with wheeles lovin boy, he has lots of non girlie toys.

i dont say that is girl stuff except dresses, panites, girl hair stuff, dress shoes and clothing for going out, ect...

 

[lexbeach]

Moving to Parenting.

Lex

 

[lilysmama1124]

Ok I'm not a gay guy but my best friends are. One of the men in the couple loved Barbies and girlie stuff as a kid the other was all "masculine", loved "boy" stuff and football. I think allowing your son to be who he is is the greatest gift you can give him. If he's gay, he's gay...if he's not, he's not I personally don't think you can turn him into anything by allowing to play and espress himself freely...just my humble opinion! BTW someone told me that breastfeeding turns boys gay so I think it is just something people say when they are uncomoftable with gender roles themselves.

 

[Storm Bride]

Quote:

Originally Posted by lilysmama1124 BTW someone told me that breastfeeding turns boys gay so I think it is just something people say when they are uncomoftable with gender roles themselves.

I've heard this before, although not directed to me. It definitely reminds me that people are frequently opening their mouths without engaging their brains first. If breastfeeding made boys gay, then almost every man who was ever born until a few short decades ago would have been gay. If almost all men were gay, there never would have been a social stigma, and they wouldn't have found it necessary to "cover" with women...and the human race would probably be no more. What bizarre thought process puts that one in somebody's head???

Anyway, to the OP: No - you're not going to "turn him gay" by letting him be himself. That's ridiculous. If he's gay, he's gay. If he's not, he's not. Let him be who he is.

DS1 wore stick-on earrings as a child (not much in the way of girl clothes - we didn't have them, and it never would have occurred to me to have them in the house - I hated them, myself). He was highly verbal and artistic, and I was told a few times that I should "watch him" because those were "girly" traits. He loved stuffies and baby dolls and had little or no interest in trucks, trains, etc. (although he did love swords - and still does). He had hair almost to his bum from about 2nd grade until just before 7th grade. He currently wears a half-dozen "Peek-A-Pooh" toys off the chain on his wallet. He does gymnastics (in our local high school program, the girls outnumber the boys by about 8-10 to 1). He's not stereotypically feminine or masculine. He's just...himself. It's always possible that he's gay, and just covering, but I honestly don't think so. He's already had one long-term girlfriend (a year) and a couple of shorter term ones, and I've never had the feeling that he's interested in boys at all. So...no - loving "girl" stuff doesn't make somebody gay.

 

[katiesk]

Who cares if you did turn him gay, if that were possible?

If I were you, I would tell people to please stop being offensive.

oh, and p.s. I am not a gay guy.

 

[Drummer's Wife]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Storm Bride Anyway, to the OP: No - you're not going to "turn him gay" by letting him be himself. That's ridiculous. If he's gay, he's gay. If he's not, he's not. Let him be who he is.

Quote:

Originally Posted by katiesk Who cares if you did turn him gay, if that were possible? If I were you, I would tell people to please stop being offensive. oh, and p.s. I am not a gay guy.

:

 

[Anissina]

Quote:

Originally Posted by lilysmama1124 Ok I'm not a gay guy but my best friends are. One of the men in the couple loved Barbies and girlie stuff as a kid the other was all "masculine", loved "boy" stuff and football. I think allowing your son to be who he is is the greatest gift you can give him. If he's gay, he's gay...if he's not, he's not I personally don't think you can turn him into anything by allowing to play and espress himself freely...just my humble opinion! BTW someone told me that breastfeeding turns boys gay so I think it is just something people say when they are uncomoftable with gender roles themselves.

Lilysmama said it best "allowing your son to be who he is is the greatest gift you can give him." Let him enjoy childhood the way he wants to. There is no such thing as "turning" someone gay.

 

[GuildJenn]

I'm not a gay guy either but I think you would benefit a lot by taking a look at what men have worn across the world and historically. If certain types of clothes made people gay some centuries would have killed the human race.

 

[SunshineJ]

OK let me turn this around a bit for you. As a child I LOVED going over to my mom's friends house. He had a son about my age and I got the chance to play with CARS!! And TRUCKS! And visiting my brother meant I got to race him on his remote controlled race track!! My birthday present when I was 8 was getting to see Star Wars on opening weekend (how's that for dating myself?), and in high school I fought with my grandparents (and lost) to take small engine repair. Does any of that mean that I'm really gay and in the closet about it? Oh and don't forget too I went into the IT field when women didn't do such things.

None of the things you listed even made me bat an eyelash. First off Nickelodeon really missed the boat not marketing Dora in boy's clothing as well - I've yet to meet a child of either gender who didn't love her as a toddler. I have a 6 yr old son and a 4 yr old girl. She keeps raiding his closet to drag out all his superhero toys and had a Spiderman bedspread. He loves it when she starts playing dress up and is right there with her in the frills and sequens dresses. Big deal. Part of pretend play is that it's just that - pretending. I can't see any harm to come from raising a son who understands that babies, even a baby doll, needs to be nurtured. And trust me, we're starting to hear at even this young age just how "not gay" our son is - he's already scored the phone number of the cute blonde college assistant at his school twice this year

But you know what? I'm a lot more concerned about him being financially solvent, staying off drugs, and basically being happy in his life than I am about his sexual preference. If his future mate is Tommy or Tammy, I really couldn't care less- and nothing I did or didn't allow him to play with as a toddler will have had any effect on that.

Next time anyone says that you're making your son gay, just reply in a sightly sarcastic tone "he's not gay, he'll be METROsexual!".

 

[kayabrink]

If boys in pink "turn" gay, then half of the male population of France must be gay. Including my dh. Wait, my Brit father would also be gay. As far as I know, and our family is fairly open about that type of thing, neither one of them has ever been in a homosexual relationship. On the other hand, my halfbrother, who hates pink, has been. I wouldn't worry. Beside which, so what if he is gay?

 

[mamatolevi]

Quote:

Originally Posted by SunshineJ Next time anyone says that you're making your son gay, just reply in a sightly sarcastic tone "he's not gay, he'll be METROsexual!".

I grew up with toy guns, legos and erector sets. I had two dolls, a My Friend Mandy and one Barbie. no accessories; just a couple of outfits. I was a serious camper and backpacker when the majority of my friends were playing with make up and frilly dresses. I hated dressing up and playing tea parties. Come to think of it i don't think I ever had a tea set or had a tea party... My parents simply fed my interests. Toys don't make a difference and folks just need to get over it.

who he is, is who he is. it doesn't matter what he plays with now. it matters that he's happy. and from what you wrote, he's obviously happy.

(My orientation just happens to be heterosexual; I could care less how my kids turn out as long as they are happy, fulfilled, healthy and financially intelligent.)

 

[frontierpsych]

My brother was like your son, and he's straight. HTH

 

[Cherry Alive]

When I was at a party store once, I heard a little 4 year old boy crying. His father and mother were telling him "No, you can't go as a puppy for Halloween. It's a girl's costume." They were pushing him to go as a football player.

So stupid. I don't get why ppl act like homosexuality or not being confined to a gender is such an evil thing. I've known some really awesome lesbians and gay guys. I've also known some really neat people who weren't confined to gender roles (gay and straight).

 

[MacKinnon]

I've been known to smile and say, "We would prefer gay to republican!"

Although I am also not a gay guy, I doubt there are many that would say their parents "made them" gay, just as much as there are many who whose parents tried to "make them" straight, and 'failed'.

We have made a point to have gender neutral toys, dress-up, and day to day clothes available to our children. We ended up with a girly-girl, who loves worms, is afraid of mice, but has pet rats, and begs for Bratz dolls. And a boy that wants to be a farmer when he grows up, asks entirely seriously for a real John Deere tractor, knows all the name of every type of heavy equipment you could imagine, but dresses up like a "dirt" fairy, complete with a tutu and a crown....

Kids are little people, with their own preferences, and letting them express themselves, the way they want, is not going to make them gay, straight, or anything else. It will just help them be more confident, self-assured adults!

 

[Jposey]

my older son wants me to paint his nails whenever i do mine... he loves wearing my heels and headbands.... i dont encourage that stuff but I'm not gonna stop it. they make for lots of cute pictures

.... he often gets my purses and walks around nursing dolls saying "I'm the mommy".... I love it!

I do encourage him to play house (cooking cleaning etc)... just as much as i encourage sports and cars and stuff. I absolutely LOATHE people (like everyone i know that i posted about in my thread earlier) who mention that I'm raising a p*y, or like you were told, i'll make him gay by allowing him to explore things that are traditionally feminine....

I am sick of dealing with ignorant people..... and I'm proud that my sons will not be confined to traditional gender roles... there is just a huge double standard in that area when comparing girls to boys.... no one ever tells parents of a little girl who likes fishing and superheroes that they're making HER gay..... I was definitely a tomboy growing up and i'm thankful my parents didnt try to stifle it... my dad actually kind of pushed cars and sports and etc on me because he didnt have a son.... and no i'm not a lesbian....

like everyone else said- if he's gay hes gay, but dont let small-minded people make you second guess youself! thats something i keep learning the hard way

 

[littlemizflava]

this thread was put with a poll in queer parenting because i wanted to know if it is true but it got moved and the poll is missing. i dont give a thought to if i can turn a child gay, that is not my goal.
for girls and boys i believe ....

dolls and babys are children they will have children and babies when they grow up and be arould them so they need to know how to care for them.

pretend cooking and real cooking they must learn to care for themselves and family

cleaning, laundry and chores they must learn to pull their own weight

repairing, taking apart and building are life skills

and for the record i have heard that is boy toys, that is for boys, girls dont do/say that kind of thing that is boys only.

 

[Storm Bride]

Quote:

Originally Posted by littlemizflava this thread was put with a poll in queer parenting because i wanted to know if it is true but it got moved and the poll is missing. i dont give a thought to if i can turn a child gay, that is not my goal. for girls and boys i believe .... dolls and babys are children they will have children and babies when they grow up and be arould them so they need to know how to care for them. pretend cooking and real cooking they must learn to care for themselves and family cleaning, laundry and chores they must learn to pull their own weight repairing, taking apart and building are life skills

I agree with all this (although cleaning, laundry and chores are also life skills, but I know what you mean).

Quote:

and for the record i have heard that is boy toys, that is for boys, girls dont do/say that kind of thing that is boys only.

I've heard this sometimes, too. I usually laugh at the person saying it, to be honest. My SIL is big on giving "girl" and "boy" toys at Christmas, but she doesn't actually say anything about it, so I just let it go. DD and ds2 are much more gender "typical" than ds1 was, but there's still a lot of overlap in interests.

 

[phrogger]

My daughters father is a hunting, fishing, building things kind of guy. Totally the typical male type stereotypes. He wants to build me a house when my husband and I decide where we will retire and he HATES dolls, "girl" toys etc. he has to get help doing our daughters hair, and he is GAY. Gay just means they are attracted to the same sex, that is a biological thing, and it has nothing at all to do with what they play with or do as young kids.

Nothing you do will change who they are. just let them play and be kids.

 

[littlemizflava]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Storm Bride I agree with all this (although cleaning, laundry and chores are also life skills, but I know what you mean).

you will be surprized how many people think that is womans work and raise their sons to be picked up after and never taught to do thing.

 

[lilysmama1124]

Quote:

Originally Posted by littlemizflava you will be surprized how many people think that is womans work and raise their sons to be picked up after and never taught to do thing.

I agree with this statement! I had to teach my husband how to clean a bathroom..literally had to go through it step by step and explain what to do. Apparently his mom never made him do any household chores!! I actually worry more about doing too many "girlie" things around my dd because I don't want to pass on to her that she has to be feminine and package ehrself in a certain way....but I do like to wear make-up and dresses and do my nails on occasion and she picked up on it quick. She pretend to put make-up on and walks around in my heels. Of course she also pretends to play video games, gets excited about football and is wild maniac wrestler with my husband. I thnk it sad that so many parents deprive their children of experiences because they are "gender" specific.