Question for Neighbor re: Sex

981 Views 14 Replies 11 Participants Last post by chellemarie, Sep 30, 2003

kerikadi

Discussion Starter · Sep 29, 2003

I have a neighbor that I talk to reguarly. The other day she confided in me that she has no sex drive since she has been nursing. This is not a problem I have ever dealt with and was wondering if someone else may have some insight. She talked with her OB about it and, of course, he told her that once she weaned everything would be fine. She asked an edocrinologist and they said she should wean

She told me that she has never had a great sex drive but now it is completely gone. I told her that even if she did wean there is no guarantee that it would get better. I was wondering if there is something natural she could do to help things along. Her DD is 4.5 months old, was born at 33 weeks and spent 5 weeks in the NICU, she is still on a heart monitor when she sleeps but is doing fine and nursing is going well.
I want to continue to encourage this mama. First she told me she would for sure stop at a year, then she started telling me she would stop when DD got teeth now she's talking about weaning because of her sex drive.
Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated.

Keri

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Trishy

· #2 · Sep 29, 2003

It's not natural but a friend of mone went through this and was not nursing. It turned out she had a hormone imbalance and she had to apply a cream daily, I believe it was testosterone. I guess things worked out because she is expecting #2. I hate it how docs say just to wean. It's pitiful.

spero

· #3 · Sep 29, 2003

If she had a low sex drive before, I guess I would wonder if there are other issues at work here.

You know what I mean, Keri....

Momtwice

· #4 · Sep 29, 2003

Not only is it normal and extremely common, but it's good for her. Her body gets a break from the hormones and in return her risk for reproductive cancers is lowered the longer she nurses. (Breast cancer and also uterine, endometrial and uterine.)

kerikadi

Discussion Starter · #5 · Sep 29, 2003

2

Well, unfortunatley, that probably is the problem. Her endo has told her that her hormones are 'way messed up' but she has never been tested

: I guess he's just assuming. The thing is they are saying they can't do anything for her until she stops nursing

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Momtwice

· #6 · Sep 29, 2003

I've heard of other OB's telling normal, healthy non-menstruating nursing moms that they are defective, that their estrogen levels are "dangerously" low bla bla bla. They just don't understand breastfeeding.

She may or may not have other issues, but low sex drive while nursing is normal.

kerikadi

Discussion Starter · #7 · Sep 29, 2003

Heidi ~
I do know what you mean. Although I am not sure, I don't think that is an issue. You never know though. I personally think one of the issues is that although this woman only carried to 33 weeks, she gained 89 pounds in her pregnancy and has lost less than 15 to date. That certainly can't help a situation like this. Self image is very important when it comes to sex and sex drive.
DH an I resumed hapily and regularly at 4 weeks PP so it's hard for me to sympathise.
I was hoping that maybe a supplement or dietary change could help her.

Keri

Momtwice

· #8 · Sep 29, 2003

http://www.babycenter.com/expert/bab...eed/11809.html

captain optimism

· #9 · Sep 29, 2003

I normally have a very healthy, or at least very active, sex drive. I didn't expect it, but nursing has really changed that! I barely think about sex at all. Kind of the opposite of my pregnancy! I think this is the least I've thought about sex since I passed puberty. It would be a big problem if my partner and I weren't so darn tired all the time!

I don't think it's a huge problem not to have a sex drive for awhile. If your friend has ongoing hormonal issues, they will still be there when her child is done nursing. Nursing is so beneficial that she shouldn't stop doing it in order to find out what underlying issues it's masking? It's kind of like having a doctor say, "I think you might really be depressed and exercise is masking the bad effects of it, so just stop exercising for awhile so I can see if you would be depressed if you didn't exercise." You know?

AmyG

· #10 · Sep 29, 2003

I'm reading the book Fertility, Cycles, and Nutrition right now. It's a great book, and it addresses that issue. I think that a reduced sex drive is normal for nursing, but no sex drive at all may be a problem, and it may be a nutritional problem that should be addressed anyway.

I do remember my OB telling me that there was some type of cream hormone stuff that he could prescribe for me if I experienced a low sex drive. He told me that as just a thing he tells all moms at my 6 weeks post partum visit. If I were her, I'd be shopping for a new OB.

Josephsmommy

· #11 · Sep 29, 2003

I need help really bad. My DS is 20 months old and I still have no sex drive at all. My DH and I have sex about once or twice a month. Try to have it more but I get irritable. He thinks it is him. But is is NOT. I love my DH with all my heat and think he is very sexey. It is just the fact that I do not want sex ( really don't even think about it.) He wants it all the time. But I am very luckey to have a sweet DH like him because he does not get mad at me when I am not in the mood.
I just feel bad because he thinks I am not attracted to him anymore. I am very much so. I would love to go to the DR about it but we have no insurance right. Will have in about a month. Is there anything I can do myself to maybe help me get in the mood.
Yes I do have to also agree the self esteem has alot to do with it too. I use to be 115lbs when I got married (4 yeard ago) now I am at 175lbs and that does not help at all. I am trying to go on a diet weighed myself this morning was at 171.5 but I know it will most likley go back up. I am eating less and trying to exercise( I need motavation).
I don't know.... all I know is that I want to have more sex. I love my DH so much. I want to please him. I want my old self back.
PLEASE HELP ME

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IslandMamma

· #12 · Sep 29, 2003

Ahh, I feel for you. I'm definitely there, too, and I think that it's perfectly normal to have a decreased (and sometimes nonexistent) sex drive. My DS is almost 4 months old, and every ounce of energy I have is used mothering him. When DH pitches in above and beyond, I find THAT sexy and let him know. To be honest, we've only made love once since DS was born, but for now, that's Okay. I have noticed that he's cruised a little more porn on the internet than might be usual, but hey, I understand.

Before DS I was the original insatiable woman, even when pregnant. I'm sure this is quite a shock, but we know that someday, it'll return. We "make love" in different ways, in the meantime...like staring at our stunningly wonderful DS and saying, "look at that! How did we ever do that!".

Funny, the other night, DH was out of the shower and strutting his stuff all nekkid in the house, and when I looked at him (spec. his penis, sorry if this is TMI) I thought, "what a funny body part that is, just hanging there, looking lonely." No desire whatsoever. And then I started giggling.

So yeah, it might be a while. Our bodies tend to know what is right for them, IMO.

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MamaOui

· #13 · Sep 29, 2003

After the birth of both of my dss, my sex drive decreased. I have never had a problem in that dept. before. Being a new mom, all night nursing sessions, and body image were part of the problem. With ds#2, I had low estrogen. I was told by my midwife that this was normal. Dh and I did not have sex until I was 9 months postpartum due to vaginal discomfort and lack of drive after ds#2. I had a much better body image after the birth of ds#2. I just lacked estorgen and energy. Then all of a sudden my sex drive kicked in with a vengeance. Now I'm pregnant with dc#3

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beanma

· #14 · Sep 30, 2003

just wanted to chime in with another, yes, low sex drive after birth while nursing is COMPLETELY NORMAL!!! i liked the exercise and depression analogy that captain optimism posted. it will get better and she doesn't have to wean. it's different for each woman how soon the libido will return. sounds like in your case, you didn't have too much problem with low drive, but i think you might be the unusual one there. most women i've talked to about it do experience at least some slowing down. your neighbor might like to check out a LLL meeting where other nursing moms sometimes talk about such things!

hth

chellemarie

· #15 · Sep 30, 2003

I'm there, too. Though for me, it's about being tired. It's about being touched out. It's about my husband being brain-dead for the first year postpartum. (seriously. the kid pops out, his brain shuts OFF.) And of course, hormones play a large role.

If you look at the way our bodies work and if you consider that children should nurse for two or more years, and therefore are more mommy-needy, doesn't it make sense that we wouldn't be interested in doing anything that could cause us to have ANOTHER baby?

That was a long sentence. Sorry.

Getting my sex drive back would be the last reason I'd wean. There are alternatives, aren't there? If I had a less than lusty drive before, why would I be so anxious about it? I'd be more concerned if I went from high drive to no drive rather than little to less, kwim?

I should add that your friend should make sure she hasn't lost interest in other things as well. It's one thing to not be so interested in makin' whoopie, it's another to have no interest in ~anything~. Ruling out PPD should be her first step, imo.

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