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My DH was adopted at 4 months of age and has always known that. I wonder when he plans to tell our kids or will they just always know he was adopted too? Has anyone been through this and have a recommendation? I plan to talk to him about it soon but wanted to hear from the MDC world first.

Whenever our DD asks a question (like "did you nurse from your mom when you were a baby?") where the topic could come up, he has avoided it. I'm not sure he has consciously thought it through, yet.
 

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well I wasnt adopted exactly, but I wasnt raised by my bio parents. I knew it from the beginning, and have always been honest with my girls. I dont wnat to keep secrets, especially not ones like those. Now I am an adoptive mom as well and I see the importance of total openness. Maybe your dh is just uncomfortable about it and perhaps you can talk to him privately and find out why he has been avoidant when adoption could come up?
 

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What a good question! I hadn't even thought about that yet. I guess if my daughter starts asking questions that would be the time I would tell her. I guess if she never asks those types of questions, I will tell when I think she's old enough to understand. I too, always knew I was adopted, so I must have been told pretty darn young (can't remember them telling me). My daughter has met my birthmother. At that point I told her that "Nonna" was one of Mama's mamas.

I wonder why he is uncomfortable--maybe he was caught off guard and at a loss for words. Although I do know that adoption is uncomfortable for some to talk about. Anyway, best wishes.
 

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I was adopted at 3 months.

I have known my natural family since May 2002, and they are involved in my life and in my son's, so I don't think that explaining that I am adopted will be very hard!

I am hoping that my mom will still be around when he starts asking questions, but even if she's not, I will just explain to him that my mom raised me and took care of me all my life, and that she loved him and me very much. My natural mom (his KoKo) and my natural dad (Grandpa or Poppy, no one seems to be able to decide...lol) loved me but could not take care of me at the time that I was born. So, they had to give me to people who COULD take care of me.

My adoptive family is super tiny, so I think it's great that my son has my huge natural family as well.
 

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:

Since my birth dad and his parents, along with my adoptive parents and in-laws are all equally involved in my son's life, we have been able to have a few preliminary discussions about how lucky DS is to have so many grandparents and aunts and uncles to love and be loved by. He has some friends with 2 mommies and some with divorced parents, so there's also a lot of normal-ish feeling for him to be part of a family that isn't 100% "traditional".

The older he gets, the more questions he may ask, but I don't think there's anything I'd be too scared or uncomfortable to answer.

The hardest issue for me is what to say about my birth mom, who seems to always have a lot more to overcome before she's able to engage with me (which she does every 2-3 years). She's never met or expressed any interest in my son, and I can't say whether she'll ever have an easier time with that. We try to honor her anyway, and have pictures of her and her family around the house so he can at least know that she exists, and when we list off the people whom we love and who love us, we include her and her husband and my half-sister. No matter what, she's part of his family and hopefully we'll keep it as "unweird" as we can for him.
 

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I was adopted at 6 weeks, was in foster care from birth. I can't ever remember NOT knowing that my brother and I were adopted. The hardest part has been having very little info about my birthparents. That seems to vary from adoptee to adoptee - my brother (different birthparents) seems outwardly to care very little about them. I went through a state mediator to locate my birthmother, who (once again) rejected me - OUCH! I think the best thing to do is to make sure your adopted kids know where they came from and how happy you are that they are a part of your life.
 
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