[missjessicajames]

So my maternity leave is almost up and my Husband and I have decided that once I go back to work it makes the most sense for him to stay at home with our little Munchkin (my job is much more stable with awesome benefits and in the current economy it just makes more sense). We are EBF, I'll be pumping at work and my husband will be taking some online classes while he's home.

I want to make sure that I support my DH as much as possible. I know that the last 6 months I've been home with our baby has been amazing but also exhausting. For those Dads that stay at home with their LOs is there any advice for me or my DH? And extra support I should be giving my DH to make this the best experience?

Thanks in advance!

 

[CatsCradle]

Hi missjessicajames:

I'm a mom (sorry) who currently WOH, but thought I'd chime in because my DH also stayed at home for a while after my maternity leave was up. There were a number of things that I know really helped DH on a day-to-day basis:

1. Had all baby items organized and clearly labeled (including breast milk) for that particular day.

2. Tried not to put DH in a situation where he had to figure something out (I say this with love and a smile because my DH required clear instructions on many things).

3. Even on really hectic, crazy, insane days at work, I tried to give DH as much relaxing time as I could when I got home because I knew that caring for a baby was a huge adjustment for him as well.

4. We did all cleaning, errands and food shopping on the weekends so that he wouldn't have to worry about that during his time with DD.

5. DH loves live music, so every other week or so, he would go out and see a band or such while I stayed at home with DD (which I enjoyed quite a bit). It gave him an opportunity to get out of the apartment and around some other people, which I know he enjoyed.

I think all in all, putting yourself in your DH's position (which you're currently in) and pinpointing the things that would be helpful to you is the best way to go about it. Of course, all families are different but I assume you know your DH well enough to identify his issues. Good luck!

 

[mtchen79]

Hi, I'm a WOHM and my DH is a SAHD. From my perspective, this is my advice/input.

Will your DH be bringing the baby to you at all during the day for feeding? If you are EBFing, teach your baby to take a bottle of expressed BM from DH before you return to work as learning to take a bottle was something DD1 never did well with, even though we introduced it around 5-6 weeks of age. She would cry at home all day and refuse to eat or barely eat until I came home. This was stressful for everyone involved. Since your LO is about 6 months, this might not be as bad since he/she can also eat solids. Things did get better for my DH and DD1 when we introduced solids.

Also, if your baby nurses to sleep, help teach/train your baby to fall asleep in DH's care. My DH would have to push DD1 around in the stroller in the house to get her to go to sleep.

DD1 is very attached to me so if your LO also is, get DH more proactive/involved in care that he can participate in since it will likely be stuff he will have to do with your child while you are at work.

You and your DH may have some different views about parenting. While he is home with your LO, he gets to be the parent and to make the decisions (unless there is mutual agreement). I have had to let go of certain things that I would've done differently if I were home all day.

Don't assume to assign specific tasks/duties to a particular parent unless this is mutually agreed upon in advance (i.e. I do laundry, DH takes out the garbage and mops the floors). It's no one's job to cook, clean, etc. One person works outside of the home, the other takes care of the kids. Once both parents are in the house, both parents need to figure out what needs to be done i.e. get dinner on the table, get baby ready for bed, etc. It's great if you can both be somewhat organized and have an established routine, though. DH and I are not that organized so we play it by ear a lot. Sometimes I cook, sometimes we order out, sometimes DH cooks, etc.

Also, opportunities for your DH to have adult interaction is helpful i.e. neighbor's house, relatives, etc. I let DH have some leisure time in the evenings and weekends.

HTH!

 

[missjessicajames]

Quote:

Originally Posted by CatsCradle Hi missjessicajames: 1. Had all baby items organized and clearly labeled (including breast milk) for that particular day. 2. Tried not to put DH in a situation where he had to figure something out (I say this with love and a smile because my DH required clear instructions on many things).

You must have met my husband

He definitely needs VERY clear instructions. He'll do anything you ask him to but isn't always the best at figuring it out on his own...

Thanks for your inputs mammas! I think I'm nervous about this than my DH, I think he's kind of excited to get to try out taking care or our LO with out me there

I am most worried about the bottle situation as we've had her practicing taking a bottle from DH since about 6 weeks but she's definitely not a fan of it at all!

 

[puddle]

Quote:

Originally Posted by missjessicajames I am most worried about the bottle situation as we've had her practicing taking a bottle from DH since about 6 weeks but she's definitely not a fan of it at all!

It sounds like your baby is 6 months old? She may prefer taking your milk from a regular or sippy cup at that age if she hates bottles. My daughter was never a big sippy cup fan, but drank from a regular glass with help pretty easily.

As for helping your DH, I think the fact that you've already been there is the biggest help. You know what it's like and you will appreciate what he's doing.

 

[BigDaddy08]

As a sahd, on my 2nd child(born 3/24/09

), I value any and all leisure time my wife can give me

It is a big adjustment and can be lonesome at times, so adult contact is important too. It is always easier for me when the weather is warmer and I can get out for walks, parks, etc.

I'm sure you husband will do fine, it is working out great for us!

 

[gkb2215]

Quote:

Originally Posted by missjessicajames You must have met my husband He definitely needs VERY clear instructions. He'll do anything you ask him to but isn't always the best at figuring it out on his own...

Hm...interesting pattern here

My husband really appreciated clear, detailed instructions, too, when I first went back to work when our daughter was 6 months. We both knew that he would find new and better ways to do things, but we felt that consistency and routine--like getting her to nap in the same way at the same times--would be comforting for her during the mom-to-dad transition.

About the bottle...my daughter would get really bitter every time I or anyone else tried to feed her a bottle of my milk. She would even hold a grudge for an hour afterward! However, I got some helpful tips from a lactation consultant right before I went back to work, and she also reminded me that babies do not starve themselves. Here are a few things that worked for us:

1) Your husband could try feeding her in much the same way that you nurse her. I usually nurse my daughter side-lying on the bed, so he found that curling up with her to feed her the bottle helps.

2) Always give her your most freshly expressed milk and let the frozen stuff be back-up supply. My milk tastes slightly different after 48 hours in the fridge, and my daughter likes it less.

3) Most importantly, for us, was that my husband had to relax and have some confidence about giving her the bottle. He felt like such a failure at first when she wailed and refused to take it. Once he calmed down and acted like it wasn't such a big deal, she took on the same attitude!

Good luck with your return to work. You have a wonderfully positive approach to it, and that will surely make everything easier for you, your husband, and your baby.

 

[missjessicajames]

Quote:

Originally Posted by BigDaddy08 As a sahd, on my 2nd child(born 3/24/09 ), I value any and all leisure time my wife can give me It is a big adjustment and can be lonesome at times, so adult contact is important too. It is always easier for me when the weather is warmer and I can get out for walks, parks, etc. I'm sure you husband will do fine, it is working out great for us!

CONGRATS on the new baby that's so exciting!!!!!! I'm glad being a SAHD is working so well for y'all my mom and I were just discussing that this seems to be a new trend

 

[missjessicajames]

Quote:

Originally Posted by gkb2215 2) Always give her your most freshly expressed milk and let the frozen stuff be back-up supply. My milk tastes slightly different after 48 hours in the fridge, and my daughter likes it less. .

I just tested my milk after it had been thawed and compared it to just expressed milk and in all honesty the thawed one doesn't taste to good (not spoiled or anything just not the same). Maybe this is what's going on. Thanks!!!!!

 

[blazer]

I am a WOHM with a SAHD for the last year. he is home with our 6 yo and 2.5 yo.

He does a great job, but i knew he would since even with our youngest was 4 mo I had to travel for 4 days and he was great handling the situation.

For us the biggest thing was to have enough clothes done and in the drawer that he could reach in and grab a set and not worry if it got stained or was a "special outfit".

Other than that I would always label the bottles for him and make sure the diapers /supplies were fully stocked.

And even if I was/am all emotional about him being at home vs me, I always say thanks for all the little things he does during the day. I want him to feel appreciated.

I also try to make it home at lunch 1x a week. I also live in ATL by the way. We have 4 SAHD's in my 6yo Kindergarten class. It is a trend here LOL!