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I was a doula for a mom whose baby passed away at 6 days old, this happened a year ago. The mom and I have become very close since the birth and I am currently her doula for a baby due in January. The anniversary of her first birth was yesterday and we got to talking about her labor (it was wonderful, things didn't go bad until the last sec.) and the she didn't remember alot of the details. Funny things that she said, timeline stuff, things her husband did etc... Obviously that day is clouded now because of the outcome. But I want her to have the good memories too. What do you think about writing a birth story for her? I don't usually do that because I want clients to have their own version in their heads, not mine. I guess I could just ask her, but I wanted to get some input here too.
 

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First let me say how nice that you remembered and relived that day with her.

I think you could easily write to her some of your favorite parts of her labor, how it was for you. You could simply preface it with something like, "I enjoyed talking with you the other day and wanted to share with you some of what I loved about the way you birthed X."

I had a daughter die within an hour of her birth and I love hearing from others who were with me about their memories of that special time together. Helps me remember more and frames those events even more positively. I also had a very empowering, great labor, and I like to think of the love and good labour love I shared with my daughter before she was born. I like to think of all the good times she had while inside me, and all the excitement I felt in birthing her. It's nice to remember her birthday as separate from her death (even though in my case they were the sam day, we celebrate/remember each event seperately.)
 

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Her birth story sounds like it has similarities with mine. We also had no idea that there was anything wrong with our DD until she was actually birthed and I pulled her onto me. That's when we realised she wasn't breathing. I didn't have a doula but one my best friends was there as my birth partner. Emma was born at 2.25am and she stayed with us until we were moved to the room where we spent the day with Emma. She went home and wrote down the birth as she recalled it - so her perspective was written within hours of my daughter's birth. She told me about her journal a couple of weeks later - and I felt an immediate sense of relief that she had done it. It means a lot to me. I haven't gotten a copy yet but I know I will at some point when I start to prepare my daughter's memory box in the new year. I want it in there with my version and daddy's version too - we have such limited time to create memories - we cherish the ones we can get.

You could write it down - I would imagine it would be healing for you too (my friend said it was for her) and then tell her. Maybe she'll not want it until the new baby comes. With her new baby so close, she may not want the birth script from her previous birth playing in her head OR she might find reading your version lays to rest any anxieties from her previous birth. Only she will know that. But whether you give it to her or not, I would definitely recommend writing it.
 

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It's an awesome idea. two perspectives...

I had a friend doula me for one of my living children and I really loved seeing my birth through her eyes. and since memories are all you two have of this one, they carry even more weight. so yes, definitely do it.
 
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