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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
My sil to be had a loss last Valentine's day after announcing her pregnancy last Christmas.

Well, this Christmas they are expecting again.

(Having lost a baby myself I know how hard it is anxiety wise to be pregnant again)

I saw a really cute expecting Christmas 2008 ornament and discussed with dh whether I should give it to her. We have a tradition of giving an ornament to each family member for Christmas. I thought I would give it to her privately because they have not officially made the announcement.

On one hand, I am trying to help by being really positive about this pregnancy with her, be there for her and she goes thru the anxiety hoping for the best. You know.

Dh said I should not give her the ornnament in case she has another mc.
Even if she does, I want her to know that we cherished her baby too. KWIM? I think that helps.

There is really no condition that suggests that she would have another mc. Just that nobody knows what happened the first time around.

I will be getting her other stuff too. (more in the vein of pampering products for herself.)

Your thoughts?
 

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Honestly, I'd say no, don't get it for her. For me, that would have caused so much anxiety having to look at it and then if she does lose this one what is she supposed to do with it? Keeping it and having to see it every xmas would be tortorous and throwing it out would be heartbreaking. If she still hasn't announced the pg yet I'm guessing she's only in the first tri. I'd wait to do anything until she is furhter along. You can still show her that her baby will be cherished without giving her something that would have to serve as a reminder(in the event of a loss), yk? It's a really sweet thought but I would hold off.
 

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I think jmo makes a really good point, and I think a lot of people would feel that way in your sil's situation. But, in my case, even though I've had 3 consecutive losses and am currently right in the terrifying middle of the first trimester again, I really want people to acknowledge and participate in the excitement of this pregnancy. So I would be very touched if someone reached out with their support like that. It's so tricky though... each pregnancy has been so different. Last time I didn't feel very confident about it and I honestly wanted to hide until the 1st tri was over. This time I'm feeling good about it and really want people to share it with me.

I do have some gifts from my 1st preg (my friends were very excited for me and gave me mother's day gifts
). It did sting to have to pack those up and put them away. But now they're like a little hope chest for me. One day... hopefully soon... I'll get to open them back up again.

If you do decide to give it to her, doing it private would definitely be key. And whether you choose the ornament or not, I think your intention of showing her you're positive about this pregnancy is really important and sweet and touching. I see that people are very cautious around me and it makes me feel a little isolated. Having someone understand my losses, but still treat me like a normal, excited pregnant lady would make me very happy.
 

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I'm more in line with what Shantiani said. There are no guarantees in pregnancy and I cherish the few things I have from my pregnancy with Isaac. That said there is no wrong way to feel and some wouldn't want the reminder.

I would give it to her privately and perhaps include a note that says you aren't quite sure how she's feeling about it but you wanted to celebrate with her even if she's feeling uncertain and that if she's uncomfortable you'd be happy to take it back and exchange it. However you say she hasn't announced it...has she confided in you? If you aren't supposed to know yet then I would keep mum and not give it to her.
 

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Discussion Starter · #5 ·
Just to be clear. Everyone but my mom knows. LOL. (and that's only because of the nature of my mom, not for any other reasons.) They announced it to us Thanksgiving. She will be at the end of the first trimester at Christmas.

Yes, it stings to have to pack everything up. Heck I had to walk my a crib for a month because I couldn't take it down and I couldn't stand to look at it either, so I shut the door to the nursery and just walked around it. been there. Didn't have anything except an ultrasound from the loss, so I wanted something. I think I will just hang onto it. See what happens when they are here on Christmas. May give it to her next Christmas at baby's first Christmas. :)

We definately are supposed to know.

She's at that place where she's trying not to get her hopes up to high. KWIM?

There are some things very dif. this go around that should help her rest more. (Now, she has a sit-down job where she was on her feet all day and she gets 3 weeks off over Christmas where her co. shuts down.) I just have this feeling that everything is *Really* going to be all right and she just looks very healthy, gaining weight. The first time she was real sick and lost a ton of weight.
 
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