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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
I have had a really rough year. A miscarriage, son diagnosed with ADHD, grandmother is dieing, bleed in my brain, and seizures out of no where that I dislocated my shoulders during. So I finally took the advice I would have given to any of my friends that had a year like this, and with much prodding by dh and my family, I started counciling yesterday.<br><br>
It seemed really strange, I just talked and talked and she didn't say very much. She asked a few questions, but mostily just listened. I was there for 1.5 hrs. I guess she is just getting to know me and what's going on in my life, but I guess I didn't realize how exhausted I would feel afterwards.<br><br>
I woke up today feeling awful, tired, sad, angry, and just depressed. I actually felt bad that I was so focused on the negative, because I have so much good in my life, too. Is it normal to actually feel worse after you just begin counciling, or is this weird?
 

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It would be tiring talking about all that bad stuff! <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/hug2.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Hug2"> I do think she was just getting to know you..hopefully next time she'll give you some insights and tools. I hope you can feel better soon..and it's okay to mourn and feel bad sometimes, better than being in denial...LOVES, Jen
 

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Hrm, I'm really shy aobut posting in this forum for some reason!<br><br>
I saw your message earlier today and wante dot respond but chickened out cuz it sounded too much like I was trying to push my own opinions.<br><br>
In my experience counseling is usually exhausting. The best plan for me was always to try to plan either a nap or shome other form of low-stress, low-stimulus downtime for a couple hours after. I have depression though, so exhaustion is pretty much a way of life when I'm in a low phase.<br><br>
Thing is different counselors have different styles. I've seen four but only ever clicked with one, and I continued to see him for over two years, until I'd moved on in so many ways that it was imposssible to keep on seeing him. The others all seemed far too prone to simply giving advice. My take on it is if right off the bat a counselor could tell me exactly how to fix the problem, then I could save a lot of time and money and just buy a book! There is a lot of value in simply talking it out to a counselor. They don't even have to give a lot of input, but it is your stuff, focused on you, whereas in daily conversation we're conditioned to both present ourselves in certain ways and also to try to make sure we don't talk about ourselves too much. With a counselor you get to talk about what's going on without worrying so much about the reactions of the otehr person.<br><br>
To me, a counselor who gives advice too quickly is probably not giving good advice. My life and background and therefore my perceptions of the worlds are incredibly complex and unique--like everyone else's! If a counselor presumes to give me advice before s/he understands something of that complex background then it is both probably bad advice and also a bit disrespectful. If cookie-cutter advice could work, why would I seeing you?<br><br>
For example:<br>
I was *very* turned off by the therapist who tried to hug me at the end of our first session. I didn't even know here yet, and she certainly didn't know me! For her to make a snap judgement that that was ok was not kewl! I was equally unimpressed with the counselor who advised I postpone my wedding plans because i was in about of depression. This was before she caught on that I've never been more than a year away from a depressive episode in my life and probably never will be! All she succeeeded in telling me was that I was permanently unfit for a committed relatinship bc of my supposed emotional instability. Five years into my first and only serious relationship, I think we proved her wrong Had she waited until she actually knew my whole storey, I'm sure she would not have said that.<br><br>
In conclusion, while it might take a little longer to get feedback, count yourself blessed that you have found a counselor who will not presume to have answers for you until she knows who you are!
 

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It is totally normal to be exhausted at the end of a counselling session, especially when it is 1.5 hours long. That is how long my therapy sessions last and I am always tired afterwards.<br><br>
Something I really liked about my therapist was while she mostly listened during the first couple of sessions, she offered a couple of books for me to read to see what clicked with me and what I found helpful. That gave us a starting point. I used the tools in the book and she helped me process the material that emerged from me.<br><br>
It can be good even to have someone who can acknowledge how much you have been through. Helping you find more tools to deal with ongoing stress is anoptehr great thing therapy can offer.<br><br>
Perhaps you are feeling worse because being in counselling gives you permission to acknowledge/feel awful, tired, sad and angry. Let them work through your system in whatever way works for you - exercise, journalling, artwork, crying. What happens between your counselling sessions can be more impotant than what happens during them - next time you go, tell the therapist about how you felt afterwards.
 

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Discussion Starter · #5 ·
Thank you all so much for answering. I guess it makes sense that she needs to get to know me before helping me. It is sooo wierd to have to talk about me and the bad stuff for such a long time, that I find myself sometimes choking on the words as they are coming out to her. I guess this will not only be a chance for her to get to know me, but for me to really let myself into me too. I can't believe my mother said to me, "Oh, I think counseling would be fun. A whole hour to talk about yourself!" UGH!!
 

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Hi,<br>
The first therapist appointment is an intake and involves gathering information about you normally. An hour and a half is a long session and often therapy/counseling can be tiring and emotional depending on the topic etc. It sounds like you have good reason to be tire after the year you have had. I think you likely will find counseling very useful over time. I found it it helpful beyond words for me. It is very true as a previous person said that you need to find a "good fit" in a therapist. A therapist that I find great my not work for you and vice versa. You are sharing very personal feelings and experiences and you have to feel comfortable with the person. Therapists have different styles also. I hope it works out for you...be kind and gentle with yourself. Also I always suggest someone go to at least three times before deciding whether therapy or a particualr therapist is for you(unless the therapist seems really nutty) in order to get a good feel.
 

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>hopeland</strong></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">Also I always suggest someone go to at least three times before deciding whether therapy or a particualr therapist is for you(unless the therapist seems really nutty) in order to get a good feel.</div>
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This is*good* advice! If they do seem really nutty though, run don't walk away! I had one who demanded at our first appointment that I commit to twice weekly appointments for a couple of years at that first meeting. I relied on his rep and kept going anyway--a nightmare. Two months later and still uncomfortable he told me a woman should not be upset about a miscarriage for more than one or two days! That finally opened my eyes and I left, but darned if I'm not still having problems with his office insisting I owe them a lot more money than I actually owed (and paid off a long time ago!).<br><br>
Seems liek you might have a good fit though. Your post sounded like you were a bit puzzled and tired but not put off or weirded out too much.
 

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Discussion Starter · #8 ·
Well, I had my second appointment yesterday, but am still feeling a bit off with this woman. She is very nice, but I'm not sure if she is really hearing me.<br><br>
I told her a few times how I am not comfortable being on teh seizure medicaton I am on, and expressed that I usually like to treat things naturally (I'm not aware of any natural treatments for a bleed inteh brain and seizures), but when I spoke to her about my night time anxiety and trouble sleeping, the first thing she suggested was to speak to my doctor and get a prescription med to sleep. I jsut felt a little weird about that.<br><br>
I am going to go for one more session and see what becomes of it, but also yesterday, I just felt like I was searching for things to talk about, and I wish she would maybe guide me a bit more. I actually talked more to my dh on the way home and throughout the day about stuff, and worked some things out on my own with his help, so maybe that is what she is doing in making me talk and then I go away thinking about stuff. Just not sure. It is very uncomfortable though.
 

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>Shantimama</strong></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">there is nothing wrong with moving on and trying someone else if it doesn't feel right to you.</div>
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I agree. Just because she has a degree, doesn't mean she is right for you. I would suggest making an appointment with someone else and see if that feels any different. We have to be consumers, even with counselors. We need to shop around and get the best fit.<br><br><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug">
 
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