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Well, in the beginning of my pregnancy I was reluctantly planning on a hospital birth w/ a very detailed birth plan. (I really don't want to birth at the hospital-they don't even have birthing rooms.) This was only because I couldn't find a midwife in my area. But now, the midwife has been having problems getting Wellcare(Medicaid) to pay her and she doesn't know if she will be able to accept it any longer.<br><br>
Besides that, I have been reading a lot about unassisted pregnancy and birth lately and I really feel like it is the right thing for me. To me it is just unexplainably beautiful......me in the tub and only DP in the room-it just seems so private and special. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile"> And just amazing to do it all on my own.<br><br>
But I have been talking to DP about it and he is not comfortable with the idea at ALL. He even said something about calling an ambulance and making me get in it that really pissed me off. I know it is just concern and fear but.... Now though he is just saying that he would feel better if i didn't do it unassisted. He is afraid something will happen and we won't be able to get medical help in time. I tell him that severe complications are rare but he freaks out that I will be in that small percentage.<br><br>
I mean, in the end I feel like it is my decision, but I really want to help him be comfortable with it and informed.<br><br>
So essentially, I would really like it if any of you had like statistics on home birth, things to tell him, encouragement, tips, or just any resources that he could go to and learn about the process of birth, etc. YKWIM. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile"><br><br>
Also, is there anything that I really need to know? Like essential things that need to be done during and after labor/birth? I have studied about it so much but I worry that there are things I really need to know that I don't.<br><br>
Thank you so much!!!!!!!!
 

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i think that reading together is helpful. unassisted childbirth by laura shanley and emergency childbirth are great starters. read them aloud to each other, talk about the concepts.<br><br>
oh, and my husband adds (as always) to your DH: "be a man."<br><br>
it's no offense to your DH. he gets frustrated with people sometimes. he says "same story, different day. seriously, am i weird?" to which, of course he is.
 

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I think most men would be more moved by The Power of Pleasurable Childbirth by Laurie Morgan than Unassisted Childbirth. It has more of a factual type feeling to it and talks a lot about the ways assisted birth can present risks that UC doesn't.<br><br>
Taking a class like Bradley might help him as well, if you choose your teacher carefully. He just needs some confidence.
 

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I agree about reading birth stories from Laura Shanley's website. My husband was pretty supportive of my choice to UC early on, but we read many of the stories on her site together (out loud) and I think that helped him to get into a good "head space" about it. I also bought Emergency Childbirth for him which states (this is written by an MD) that a bright eight-year old can deliver a baby. What husband wouldn't respond to that by saying "Well, I'm certainly better off than a bright eight-year old!"<br><br>
In the meantime, read, read, read. Get knowledge and have a good plan. I think that probably eases men's minds. Just my humble opinion....
 

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I am in the EXACT same situation! My husband said he would go to court to try to prevent me from having a UC.<br><br>
My husband never reads stuff - and I don't want to make him. Like another poster said, I just want him to be a man and let me do what I want to do. Wah. Foot stomp. LOL I am not interested in having him with me for support or help, I don't expect him to catch the baby, etc. I do want him in the house and sort of keeping an eye on me in case I pass out or need a glass of water. I want him to be able to hang out with our daughter and together they can bake the birthday cake for the baby.<br><br>
Since I told him (around 3 weeks ago I think) that when I've been talking about "homebirth" that didn't include a midwife, and he freaked, we've talked some about our options and he is seeing how all of them are poor options. We live across the street from the hospital so help is very, very close if needed. I have heard it said that most emergencies don't happen quickly, within minutes. I feel if something is wrong, we'll have time to get to the hospital, and for them to have time to set things up, stabilize us, helicopter us out if needed, etc. For a while I thought he had a point about having someone in our house for immediate care, but I talked with a midwife and she pretty much put me at ease - she said CPR is not rocket science and a puff of air from my own mouth is just as good from an oxygen tank.<br><br>
I haven't found any studies about UC. There are studies that say homebirth is just as safe and in some cases safer than hospital births, but they are talking about homebirths with a midwife, and of course because all the high risk people end up in hospitals. So I wouldn't try to go that route.<br><br>
What I have been doing is trying not to bring it up. He is not thinking about it, and hasn't brought it up on his own. So if I can just keep my mouth shut I think we can get to labor without an agreed-upon plan and I can just go with MY plan. It sounds horrible, but honestly even when I do bring it up with him he talks about it some and then isn't interested for long. He's really a wonderful guy and we talk tons about everything, but this is just not something he's thinking about - even though he apparently has strong feelings about it. So it makes sense to ME to go along with my path of thinking, researching, planning, and let him bring up any concerns he has when he does then I'll deal with them. There are still 11 weeks of us possibly finding a compromise or working something out that won't end up a UC, and I'm OK with that. I don't want a UC bad enough to make my husband mad at me about it. But I also refuse to go to a hospital and let things happen as they will there - then I'LL be mad.
 

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my dh is not supportive, he is really nervous of being 'responsible'should something happen but he will not stop me.<br>
So i have decided to have a good friend there to give the support and do the necessary stuff- if there is any.<br><br>
It was not an easy choice because i wanted to have it as intimate as possible and with as little inhibition acting subconsiously, but i think his negative vibes if alone will be worse than having her support.
 

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emily:<br><br>
your husband 'not reading' is the exact reason why i recommend reading to him. for example, he's watching the game on TV and you say "listen to this!" and then read it to him, and then expect a comment or dialogue. then he isn't reading, and you're just asserting interesting information. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile">
 

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I get ya. It's not really my sort of thing. Of course, tonight he asked me about it! So I guess he IS thinking about it. We're waiting to hear from the midwife again. He wants to talk to our doctor and see if we can do it at the hospital but have her agree to be hands-off. I told him even if she agrees to it, I don't believe that she'll do it. They completely ignored so many of the things in my birth plan last time that I just don't have confidence they'll do anything differently this time. They left me alone during labor, but as soon as I was pushing it was all them, their way. I feel like I would need a lot more from him if we were at the hospital keeping people away from me and our baby, than if we were at home. I keep thinking - what if I just never told anyone I was pushing?! I wonder what that would have been like. The big deal breaker for me this time as far as going to the hospital is not being able to have my daughter there. I wonder what would happen if we all showed up. It's a tiny hospital with one labor/delivery room at the end of the (one) hall, it's not like I would be bothering other people.<br><br>
I plan to assemble a shorthand list of things to do while in labor (for myself, like put towels in the dryer to warm them up), and things I may need him to do in an emergency.
 

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Sorry I can't help with DH. Fortunately, mine has always been supportive, but if he weren't, I'm the kind of person who'd just say, "Fine. You go to (whatever place he wants), and I'll let you know after the baby is born." But as for you, the most important thing you need to know is to trust your body, your baby, and your intuition! You can have the most detailed birth plan/list in the world, but your intuition might tell you to do something totally different. If that's the case, don't get hung up on your list. It's good to have one, but don't just do something because it's on your list. Mamas don't carry babies for 9 months and then not know how to give bhirth to them and what to do afterward! Doctors think we know nothing, but we know better . . .
 
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