Mothering Forum banner

1 - 4 of 4 Posts

·
Registered
Joined
·
258 Posts
Discussion Starter #1
Background- I am a mama of a "normal"/neurotypical child of 15 months, as far as I am aware at this point at least; however, I know that being male, genetic components, and his age mean I cannot rule anything out, so I guess I can't say I know at this point. I do have two relatives on the spectrum (one has Asperger's, one fairly moderate to severe, non-verbal autism) but neither live in the same city so I don't spend much time with them and their families.<br><br>
Why I'm posting this- I am working on a project for a course in family stressors and I chose the topic of mothering a child with autism, specifically the effects on the relationship with the father/other mother/partner/spouse, and personal ability to cope with parenting and the role of motherhood- basically, the mother's perspective on coping/adjusting to the diagnosis and processing, and the effects this process has on her relationship with her partner, her child on the spectrum, and with other children or potential children/decision to have more kids. I would love to hear peoples' stories, or links to blogs/posts if you've already typed something up, and to help me get some insight into the following questions.<br><br>
Again, I would love any links, resources, etc. on these topics, or posts here, but would also love to have in depth discussions or answers, via PM if you are more comfortable. I really want this research project to be rooted in real mamas experiences and not just based on reading studies and reporting statistics- I want to talk about real women's real feelings, in your words, and find commonalities and unique experiences, and hope that it can be more personal than the typical research paper. I will protect your confidentiality and identify you by a false name in my paper.<br><br>
What was the process of finding out that autism was a diagnosis? The timeline? For getting treatment? For considering other children, if relevant, and bringing additional siblings into the family?<br><br>
Autism seems unique in the reading I have done and my relatives' experiences, as compared with other disabilities that are apparent prenatally or at birth, since this is a more gradual process of finding out and getting a diagnosis and most other conditions seem to be a bit more black and white, and discovered earlier, though I am by no means an expert in all the different potential differing abilities and diagnosis, as I am not a medical professional. Would you agree with these phases?<br><br>
*What phases did you go through emotionally and how did you and do you cope, and how does this match up with the external timeline/phases? i.e. the stages of grief, or other models that you feel might describe your process, or just a description of the sources of support, external and internal coping and emotions, and how these evolved over time and how you feel now.. *Or, what were the feelings and coping skills that went along with the external events in your family's journey? How did and have your relationship with your partner, your feelings about yourself, and your interactions with your child/ren change/d?<br><br>
*How did you perceive the situation when you first suspected autism, and how did your perceptions change? How were they effected by external and internal factors?<br><br>
*Did you seek any outside resources in the form of individual counseling, group therapy or peer/parent support groups, online forums (<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/shy.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="innocent">), talking with friends, family, etc.? (again, at what phases)<br><br>
*Did you talk things through with your partner? How was communication with your partner through the phases of this process? How were decisions made? Were there arguments? Changes in activities or time spent together? etc.<br><br>
I guess I see the phases as being questioning whether something is going on/considering that there might be a diagnosable condition, getting a diagnosis, approaching therapies or treatment and the changes that come with a concrete diagnosis, and ongoing family situation- parenting the child with autism, and either the role as a partner and relationship, or separation or divorce, and remarriage if relevant, and/or other children/siblings- but feel free to put these stages in your own words or address the chronology- I am interested I guess in how the relationships and motherhood role and coping evolve through the external events and how internal coping and external supports and communication play a role in outcomes- concrete outcomes such as whether the relationship works long term, but also internal factors like self-esteem, guilt, parenting day to day, etc. I am interested in talking with single mothers about parenting an autistic child as a single mama, and possible remarriage/dating, as well as the factors involved in parenting as a couple through the process.. obviously there are separate issues involved in both, but I am interested to hear how both external and internal factors (religion, personality, economic factors, communication, extended family, parenting styles) and in the past, present, and ongoing situation.<br><br>
Thank you so much for any assistance you can provide- I look forward to incorporating real mamas words and perspectives into my project, and think that sharing these things in a thread may also be useful in helping other mamas earlier in this journey see what others have experienced, and what coping skills and resources and traits were helpful or beneficial.. Not that I don't want to hear from mamas in all stages of this process, because I do- just that I think this thread could be a good resource for those who are starting the journey of parenting a child with autism can see others' stories and get ideas about healthy and unhealthy ways of managing stress.<br><br>
Finally, I am looking at "stress" as a broad term involving a big life-changing event, and while there are clearly negative connotations and difficulties, I also look forward to seeing what was positive for you, and what positive changes have come out of your journey, how the changes have affected your family, etc. not making any negative judgments, because any big change involving a child can bring both joy and pain, and complex emotions..<br><br>
Wishing all the mamas and families peace and love this summer, thanks for reading <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile">
 

·
Premium Member
Joined
·
9,138 Posts
I'm parenting a spectrum child. He also has other special needs.<br>
He was diagnosed at 2.5 pdd-nos. We found out at 3.5 he had a metabolic condition. Both had a grief process for me.<br><br>
If you would like my perspective (which has changed because longer does autism feel like the worst thing facing my son though it did initially) on your questions I'm happy to share via pm or email. I'd rather not post all that on the board though.<br><br>
Feel free to pm me.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
490 Posts
<span style="font-size:medium;">i have 2 sons on the spectrum. they are 7 and 8, now. my older one we had no idea about his issues until he was about 4, the younger was dx'd by 2. my 8yo is also adhd, my 7yo has food sensitivities and is adhd but unmedicated.<br><br>
i also have an 11yo with adhd and anxiety issues, and a 5yo with adhd and food allergies.<br><br>
if you want, we can talk via pm or email <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile"></span>
 
1 - 4 of 4 Posts
Top