[PB's Mom]

I am trying to figure out what to do with my 3 kids if I need to go out and get a job. Ages are 9, 6, and almost 3. We are thinking about moving closer to my parents, but they are not really able to help out much. So, here are my questions:

1. Can you even make enough money to pay for day care?
2. Do most of the day cares take the kids during spring break/winter break/ and odd days off of school, such as teacher work days?
3. What do you do when the kids are sick? Do you call in sick from work to stay home with them? I assume the day care won't want them. I know my parents won't want them if they are sick.
4. Do you ever see your kids?
5. Do any of you deal with special diets with your kids? And how good are the day cares at keeping "bad" food away from your kids? We not only have allergy issues, but I also just simply don't want them eating/drinking a lot of the junk that is out there.

Just need to know how all of this works. My 9yr old has Asperger's, and I'm not even sure if I could find a day care to keep him. He is recovering, but still has issues. I really don't want to do this. I'm thinking about home schooling now that my oldest is doing better, but I just don't know if we'll have enough income to survive if I don't get a job. I have a home business that was doing good, but sales are down by at least half now with the economy so bad.

Thanks for any input!!
Mary

 

[Carma]

It is a good idea to calculate first if it makes sense to work.
Also, with 3 kids, you might be better of with a nanny. That would be much more relaxed for you I think.
However, if you were thinking of homeschooling I don't think you are a good candidate for daycare.

Carma

 

[Alyantavid]

1. Can you even make enough money to pay for day care? I do, yes. It really depends on where you live and the cost of living there. Daycare takes about 1/4 of my monthly salary.
2. Do most of the day cares take the kids during spring break/winter break/ and odd days off of school, such as teacher work days? Depends. We use a small in home daycare and her schedule follows the school district's schedule. Of course, my oldest goes to a different school and is on a different schedule. She takes off spring break, some holidays and a week at Christmas.
3. What do you do when the kids are sick? Do you call in sick from work to stay home with them? I assume the day care won't want them. I know my parents won't want them if they are sick. Again, depends. My youngest has allergic reactions that resemble cold symptoms and obviously isn't contagious. I go by how they feel, what they've got, etc.
4. Do you ever see your kids? Sorry, but I hate that question. I work 7:30-3:30 so I can drop off and pick up my oldest at the school bus. My kids go to bed at 7:30 and 8 so that's 5ish hours in the afternoon/evening and then time in the morning.
5. Do any of you deal with special diets with your kids? And how good are the day cares at keeping "bad" food away from your kids? We not only have allergy issues, but I also just simply don't want them eating/drinking a lot of the junk that is out there.
Yes, we have allergy issues and our daycare is more than happy to deal with them. The meals they serve aren't terrible by any means. Not perfect, but not bad. It really depends on the daycare.

ETA: I only have 1 in daycare right now, so obviously my costs are lower than yours would be with 3 kids.

 

[phillychiquita]

I have only got one child, but we have a nanny/sitter and I am a big advocate for nannies. As for finding them, We have had great luck with local grad students or using www.sittercity.com.

I found that it was cheaper both finacially and emotionally to use a nanny. Because of my weird schedule, I work three days per week and some nights andwith daycare I would have had to commit to and pay for a spot in daycare which was more daytime hours than I would have needed. I also did not like the fact that the kids in our two local daycare options watched TV and didnt go outside much - I knew with an active energetic nanny, I could ensure that she would not be sitting watching tv all day.

Other pros for a nanny: You dont have to pack up and get everyone out of the house in the morning. If your kids have food issues, you train the nanny and she keeps watch on it.

1. Can you even make enough money to pay for day care? In our areas, nannies make $10-15 an hour but I negotiated a weekly amount with ours.
2. Do most of the day cares take the kids during spring break/winter break/ and odd days off of school, such as teacher work days? Never have to worry about this with a nanny.
3. What do you do when the kids are sick? With a nanny (make sure you ask if she is willing, she just comes and I still go to work. Of course we havent had chicken pox or anything like that yet, just bad colds, etc...)
4. Do you ever see your kids? With a nanny, she is an extension of our family and she stays in touch with me about my kid. I know what they did every day, what she ate, etc...

 

[mistymama]

First off, I want to tell you to also think outside the box and don't limit yourself to a traditional 9-5 inflexible job .. there are other things out there and depending on what field you are in, there are many jobs that can be done occasionally from home, etc.

1. Can you even make enough money to pay for day care?

Well this year my kiddo was in public kindy, but before that, yes, I paid for daycare. This summer he'll be going to some summer camps - they are pretty much FUN childcare so I can have facetime in the office.

2. Do most of the day cares take the kids during spring break/winter break/ and odd days off of school, such as teacher work days?

The one I used was set up for working parents. So yes, they were open nearly everyday except for major holidays.

3. What do you do when the kids are sick? Do you call in sick from work to stay home with them? I assume the day care won't want them. I know my parents won't want them if they are sick.

I can do my work remotely, so if ds is sick, I call in and let them know I will be working from home that day. This is huge for me - I actually got offered another job with amazing pay - but I was worried about taking time off when ds needs it (he has asthma that flares in fall/early winter) and decided to stay where I am simply because of how often I can work from home.

4. Do you ever see your kids? All the time! I work from around 7:30 (when I drop ds off at school) till 2:30 when I pick him up. Some days I have to do a little more work from home, but most, it's ds and I hanging out all afternoon. I get to see him plenty!

5. Do any of you deal with special diets with your kids? And how good are the day cares at keeping "bad" food away from your kids? We not only have allergy issues, but I also just simply don't want them eating/drinking a lot of the junk that is out there.

My ds has always brought his own food - he did it at preschool last year and does it in kindy this year. It's never been a problem. In fact, in his class last year a little girl had a peanut allergy and they were EXCELLENT about keeping anything peanut totally out of the center.

 

[GuildJenn]

1. Can you even make enough money to pay for day care?

Yes - three would be a stretch, but we would probably hire a nanny in that case.

2. Do most of the day cares take the kids during spring break/winter break/ and odd days off of school, such as teacher work days?

It depends on the daycare. Ours gives us a schedule: there is one week in the summer when they are definitely not open (they let us know well in advance). For March Break and Christmas, if there are enough kids who sign up for extra care, they will open; otherwise no. In the summer they are open except for that one week.

3. What do you do when the kids are sick? Do you call in sick from work to stay home with them? I assume the day care won't want them. I know my parents won't want them if they are sick.

Work from home or call in sick, or some combination between my husband and I. It's a challenge for sure. This is one reason to go with a nanny, though.

4. Do you ever see your kids?

Okay, this is probably a legitimate fear but it's hard not to bristle a bit.

My son's waking hrs: 12 x 7 days a week = 84
Number of waking hours he spends in daycare: 35 (he's in about 40 hrs, but 5-7 are nap hours; we swung our hours so that my DH does drop off and I do pick up to minimize the time)
Waking hours still with a parent: 49 (not including weeks with holidays)

Never mind the question of things like "if he's home with me, but at a playground, is that like being on the playground at daycare or like being with me."

5. Do any of you deal with special diets with your kids? And how good are the day cares at keeping "bad" food away from your kids? We not only have allergy issues, but I also just simply don't want them eating/drinking a lot of the junk that is out there.

I think this depends on the daycare but ours does a good job.

 

[mamatoablessing]

Before I answer, I'll just give you a quick rundown of my situation. DH and I own a chain of HFS. I work three full days a week and then some extra days here and there depending on what's going on at the stores. My oldest is 4 and she is preschool on the three days that I work. I also have a nanny to care for my youngest, who is 2, on the three days I work. The nanny also cares for my 4 yo on occasion if school is out or she's sick or I'm working late.

1. Can you even make enough money to pay for day care?

Of course. Otherwise, I wouldn't do it.

2. Do most of the day cares take the kids during spring break/winter break/ and odd days off of school, such as teacher work days?

Our daycare closes for a week at Christmas and then for the major holidays (which I think most employers give off anyway). I need to plan my schedule around these or make sure my nanny is available.

3. What do you do when the kids are sick? Do you call in sick from work to stay home with them? I assume the day care won't want them. I know my parents won't want them if they are sick.

Depends on the situation. I have back up care. My mom is always willing to watch the kids when they're sick and I also have the nanny that can care for the oldest if she's too sick to go to school. If she's really sick like high fever or vomiting, I stay home because I know she only wants me.

4. Do you ever see your kids?

I don't like the way you have phrased this. I work because I want to work. I have built a career and life for myself outside of my kids and I'm ok with continuing that. Of course I see them. My kids are my world but I think it's ok to not spend 24/7 with them. You might not be ok with that. You need to really think about how being away from them for a few (or 5) days a week will make you feel.

5. Do any of you deal with special diets with your kids? And how good are the day cares at keeping "bad" food away from your kids? We not only have allergy issues, but I also just simply don't want them eating/drinking a lot of the junk that is out there.

At DD's daycare, they're peanut free. Kids bring lunch from home, so this helps regulate food. They do snacks 1 or 2 times a day (can't remember) and they're usually basics like carrot sticks or graham crackers. All kid's allergies are posted in the kitchen as well as in their homeroom, so they do pay close attention to these situations.

If you can swing it, a nanny sounds ideal for your situation. But we have used an in home care situation in the past and really loved it. And like I said, DD is in a traditional preschool and they're great as well. I'm very happy with the care my girls receive.

 

[Seasons]

1. Can you even make enough money to pay for day care?

It depends on your field. I purposely delayed having kids until I was through college & grad school and had ten solid years invested in my career. So yes, I make enough for daycare.

2. Do most of the day cares take the kids during spring break/winter break/ and odd days off of school, such as teacher work days?

Not "most." But many elementary/K-8 schools, including my dd's, have a daycare (often run by the Y or the city) associated with it that will cover all inservice days and breaks (other than legal holidays), as well as before- and afterschool care. Some do summers, too. So you may need one program like this for your older two - hurray, all set - but your 3yo will likely need a different daycare until he is school-aged.

3. What do you do when the kids are sick? Do you call in sick from work to stay home with them? I assume the day care won't want them. I know my parents won't want them if they are sick.

Daycares have specific rules about when they must be home if sick (runny nose is ok; vomiting or fever isn't). You use sick days or vacation days to stay home, or arrange something with your employer to work from home those days or even bring them into the office. Partnered people, or ones with their own parents nearby, or those with SAHP neighbors, sometimes use those resources as sick-kid babysitters.

4. Do you ever see your kids?

A recent study showed that WOHMs have only 15 minutes less quality time per day, than SAHMs. So: of course I do!

5. Do any of you deal with special diets with your kids? And how good are the day cares at keeping "bad" food away from your kids? We not only have allergy issues, but I also just simply don't want them eating/drinking a lot of the junk that is out there.

Depends on the daycare, the diet, and your level of lobbying. Generally if you provide the special food, the daycare will give it to your child; you asking that the daycare provide the special diet won't work.

 

[Seasons]

Oh, and regarding your question:

Quote:

Originally Posted by PB's Mom 4. Do you ever see your kids?

A great big nod to the previous posters who answered, in part:

Quote:

Originally Posted by Alyantavid Sorry, but I hate that question.

Quote:

Originally Posted by GuildJenn Okay, this is probably a legitimate fear but it's hard not to bristle a bit.

Quote:

Originally Posted by mamatoablessing I don't like the way you have phrased this. I work because I want to work. I have built a career and life for myself outside of my kids and I'm ok with continuing that. Of course I see them. My kids are my world but I think it's ok to not spend 24/7 with them.

I don't think you realize, OP, that your question can seem very disrespectful. You might want to rephrase (and then repost in the Working Parents forum, to garner more responses.)

 

[Anglyn]

I truly dont thing to OP meant to offend, she was expressing her own fears and concerns about what her relationship with her children if/when she becoms an wohm. I know I get very offended myself when my mom insinuates that my fil (who lives with us and watches kids while we work) is "raising" them, he is not. He is a huge help and a blessing to us, but WE are raising our kids! That said, as a wohm I totally understand the OPs fears and concerns. I had a really hard time balancing and coming to terms with everything when I went back to work.

Some days I feel like I have created a good balance, some days I feel like I am not able to handle the job OR the kids compantely when juggling both.

I second a nanny if you can afford it. If you are going to homeschool, join a hs group if you havent already, see if any of those moms might be willing to earn some extra money by sitting for you or even if any also woh and might trade off babysitting?

I know that if I had to pay daycare times three, my salary wouldnt be worth it. I guess that all depends on how much you make and how much childcare costs in you area. If you cant do a nanny, I really like the idea of in home care over daycare, but thats just my opinon.

Good luck.

 

[_betsy_]

So much of your fears and questions can only be answered by you. Will you make enough money to cover child care? It depends on your field, your experience, your skill set, your ability to negotiate a starting salary, how much you pay for childcare, etc. So many variables. The short answer, of course, is that probably nobody would work if they were losing that entire income to childcare.

Of course we see our kids. I know what you were trying to say, but... ouch.

Depending on what field you are looking to be employed in, you may be able to swing a second shift job and never have to put your kids in daycare. For example, DH works days, I work nights. He and I don't see each other very much some days, but it works, and we save all that daycare/nanny money. Plus, we both get one-on-one time with the kids, which I think is truly a benefit to my girls to get time with just Daddy as caregiver.

Think outside the box. What field are you looking to go into? We may be able to help brainstorm some ideas for you!

 

[LilMomma83]

1. Can you even make enough money to pay for day care?
I do, but, I have a very long commute--if I worked locally I would not make enough money for it to be worth while (right now I might, but, after our second is born I wouldn't).

2. Do most of the day cares take the kids during spring break/winter break/ and odd days off of school, such as teacher work days?
I am not sure about centers, my current home daycare will take him any day but Sundays, even holidays. She also has an older child that she takes only on school holidays/Saturdays and some evenings.

3. What do you do when the kids are sick? Do you call in sick from work to stay home with them? I assume the day care won't want them. I know my parents won't want them if they are sick.
Most daycares will not take sick children, my son has asthma and tends to get very sick, even from a little cold (she doesn't mind little colds--clear snot/no fever etc) so he gets a little extra leniency with the "sick" policy. Antibiotics--48hrs. When he is really sick, we try grandma first, and if she can't watch him we take turns calling in sick to work, sometimes we each take a half day.

4. Do you ever see your kids?
Not as much as I would like, has off Sunday-Tuesday and watches our son those days (though he's looking for a second job as we think layoffs are headed his company's way), I work/have school Monday-Saturday, so Sunday is always family time.

5. Do any of you deal with special diets with your kids? And how good are the day cares at keeping "bad" food away from your kids? We not only have allergy issues, but I also just simply don't want them eating/drinking a lot of the junk that is out there.
We do not have special diets, but, healthy eating is important to us. Our DCP cooks the same type of food we do, so I feel he eats pretty good. Sense my son doesn't have issues he just eats whatever she makes for her family (he eats all 3 meals there on most days), she told us in the beginning we could pack food for him if we preferred.

 

[Kristine233]

1. Can you even make enough money to pay for day care?
Depends on your line of work. If I had to pay for childcare, no way could I afford it. In the summer our childcare bill would be more than I make. But my employer provides free childcare (YMCA) so its an awesome benefit.

2. Do most of the day cares take the kids during spring break/winter break/ and odd days off of school, such as teacher work days?
Yes

3. What do you do when the kids are sick? Do you call in sick from work to stay home with them? I assume the day care won't want them. I know my parents won't want them if they are sick.
Stay home. Childcare centers can't take them when they are sick. And home daycares don't want them there either. Right now DH is home so its a moot point. Before I just called a sub to cover my afternoon class and DH did the morning and I did afternoon with the sick kiddo. But my choice in jobs was directly influenced by how flexible it would be for the kids and how understanding they would be of sick kids.

4. Do you ever see your kids?
All the time. In the morning, after work and weekends. Its not really that much different than them being in school all day. To suggest working moms don't see their kids is simply offensive.

5. Do any of you deal with special diets with your kids? And how good are the day cares at keeping "bad" food away from your kids? We not only have allergy issues, but I also just simply don't want them eating/drinking a lot of the junk that is out there.
Daycares have to follow and post allergies. And most allow you to bring your own food. Also, most daycares are required by state to follow some sort of food guideline. This may be different in home daycares.

Just need to know how all of this works. My 9yr old has Asperger's, and I'm not even sure if I could find a day care to keep him. He is recovering, but still has issues. I really don't want to do this. I'm thinking about home schooling now that my oldest is doing better, but I just don't know if we'll have enough income to survive if I don't get a job. I have a home business that was doing good, but sales are down by at least half now with the economy so bad.

My 8 year old has Autism and I was a stay at home mom (and WAHM) for a long time. I had too many appointments to keep and didn't trust many childcare centers. Now that he's older we found a good fit and it works great. The staff are patient and willing to help him as needed. We can also have his PCA attend with him if we wanted.

 

[shayinme]

Quote:

Originally Posted by PB's Mom 1. Can you even make enough money to pay for day care? I think that depends on you and your skills as others have already stated. I don't make as much as I would like but in part I purposely chose to work close to home and have schedule that is flexible and amenable to raising kids. Next year when dd starts school and we no longer pay for daycare (won't need after-school care) I will be making more. That said, I earn enough to make it worth while and I like what I do. 2. Do most of the day cares take the kids during spring break/winter break/ and odd days off of school, such as teacher work days? The daycare we use is open all year around except during a few days during the Christmas break so its never been as issue for us. 3. What do you do when the kids are sick? Do you call in sick from work to stay home with them? I assume the day care won't want them. I know my parents won't want them if they are sick. Thankfully as the director of a small non-profit I have the flexibility to take off and my dh is a free-lance writer/editor so unless we are generally able to handle sick days. Again, our worklives were planned with this sort of thing in mind. We make less than we used to many years ago but have level of flexibility that allows for sick kids. 4. Do you ever see your kids? Of course, my dd goes to bed late (always has). Because I work from home in the mornings before going into my office unlike when I was teaching a few years ago, mornings are laid back...dd generally goes to dc about 9 am, is home by 5:30 or so but doesn't go to bed till 9:30 or so. Plus there are the random days we let her stay home. So yeah, I see her. 5. Do any of you deal with special diets with your kids? And how good are the day cares at keeping "bad" food away from your kids? We not only have allergy issues, but I also just simply don't want them eating/drinking a lot of the junk that is out there. At our daycare we bring lunch, they just provide snacks and when she first started at 13 mos they were good about not giving her juice as we requested at that time. Though we have no special diets I know there are some kids that do have them at her center.

See answers in quote.

 

[Agatha_Ann]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Seasons 4. Do you ever see your kids? A recent study showed that WOHMs have only 15 minutes less quality time per day, than SAHMs. So: of course I do!

Can you cite this study? Is this for school age children? I'm not trying to be snarky, I just am genuinely curious

 

[organicpapayamama]

1. Can you even make enough money to pay for day care?
my first response is no. And I only have one child. There was a program I found that helps me pay for childcare if I have a friend or relative take care of him, I select how much I am going to pay and they refund me a % of that amount. With that program and if I set the price then Yes I can afford it.

2. Do most of the day cares take the kids during spring break/winter break/ and odd days off of school, such as teacher work days?
n/a
3. What do you do when the kids are sick? Do you call in sick from work to stay home with them?
It depends how sick, if its just a cold I dont stay home. Plus the arrangements I have made for him dont have him with other kids so there is no possibility of passing it on to other kids. if he is very sick with a fever or something then Ill stay home, but that has yet to happen.
4. Do you ever see your kids?
good question, I honestly feel like I dont get to see him as much as Id like. Of course I get off work early, around 3 in the afternoon which leaves me time to play with him and still be involved everyday on some level but I do feel that I am missing a lot.
5. Do any of you deal with special diets with your kids? And how good are the day cares at keeping "bad" food away from your kids? n/a my mom feeds him what I want him to be fed so I dont have to deal with that.

 

[ALittleBitCrunchy]

1. Can you even make enough money to pay for day care?
Yes. Right now, due to the economy, by job has dropped 20% of it's hours and 5% of it's pay...and I still bring in more than daycare costs.

2. Do most of the day cares take the kids during spring break/winter break/ and odd days off of school, such as teacher work days?
For the most part, yes. The only days we have issues are on Fridays after Thursday holidays (day after Thanksgiving, for example). On those days, we try to get time off. If we can't, we ask my mom.

3. What do you do when the kids are sick? Do you call in sick from work to stay home with them? I assume the day care won't want them. I know my parents won't want them if they are sick.
We rotate. Next time is my turn, so if one of the kiddos is sick on a work day, it's my turn to call off. I make up the hours if I can and use sick time if I can't. Same with DH. In the past, if they were sick, my mom would watch them, but she is in chemo for cancer and we don't risk exposing her to anything.

4. Do you ever see your kids?
Yes. Quite a bit, actually. We build our lives around this, so we do late bedtimes. Plus, we're off different days so each of us has at least one day a week where they have the kids all to themselves.

5. Do any of you deal with special diets with your kids? And how good are the day cares at keeping "bad" food away from your kids? We not only have allergy issues, but I also just simply don't want them eating/drinking a lot of the junk that is out there.
Yes. My daughter is diabetic. They monitor her blood glucose levels, watch for signs/symptoms of highs/lows, weigh her food and calculate off of carb factors, and calculate and administer her insulin shots. I'm not a fan of daycare food so we do send in food on a regular basis. In addition to daily food we pack, they also allow us to store basic staples there - jar of unsweetened, organic applesauce, boxes of crackers, half-gallon of organic milk, a few pieces of fresh fruit, etc. - to supplement what we pack or to offer substitutes if it's a day I let them eat daycare food. They also maintain a stash of durable medical supplies and a biohazard container for sharps. Daycares, in my experience, are often willing to accommodate you to the best of their ability. It's simply a matter of finding a daycare that is supportive. I know that in my kids' groups, there are several allergies that are worked around - peanut, milk, etc and I believe there is a food dye issue, too.

I'm thinking about home schooling now that my oldest is doing better, but I just don't know if we'll have enough income to survive if I don't get a job. I have a home business that was doing good, but sales are down by at least half now with the economy so bad.
We homeschool. Right now, we're finishing up 1st grade with DS and starting K with DD. DH works about 50 hours (plus 5 hours commute), I work 32 hours (plus 4 hours commute) at one job and 30 hours (at home, no commute) for an online store that I own (which has taken a 33% cut in income *sigh*). I am just saying this to let you know that work and homeschooling can be combined - it's not an either/or situation. Honestly, the hardest part for us was finding daycare for a schoolager during school hours. If you can work different schedules, you can reduce your daycare costs, too.

Good luck!

 

[Seasons]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Agatha_Ann Can you cite this study? Is this for school age children? I'm not trying to be snarky, I just am genuinely curious

Drat - I was just Googling and can't find it again! It was a 2008 or 2009 study and it looked at all ages of children.

 

[ALittleBitCrunchy]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Seasons A recent study showed that WOHMs have only 15 minutes less quality time per day, than SAHMs. So: of course I do!

Just want to say that I completely believe this. I'm friends with SAHMs and WOHMs and when you look at actual QUALITY time, there really is no difference. SAHMs may be physically near their kids more often, but they are often handling household chores, doing errands, appointments, managing the household etc. As a WOHM, I come home and can completely dedicate myself to my kids for 4-5 hours of fun time. No work, no chores, no errands - just playing, drawing, reading, talking, etc. I do more things when they are in bed to keep this time free for nothing but fun. Plus, my kids actually have fun at daycare, too, so it's not like they are moping around. They have fun from the time they wake up until the time they go home because there is always a combination of kids and adults that do nothing but pay attention to them.

 

[Alyantavid]

Quote:

my first response is no. And I only have one child. There was a program I found that helps me pay for childcare if I have a friend or relative take care of him, I select how much I am going to pay and they refund me a % of that amount. With that program and if I set the price then Yes I can afford it.

This reminds me, you can get daycare assistance through the state. I know lots of parents at our daycare do this and it does help them out alot.