[lunamegn]

I'm shy to ask this - and a little embarrassed and whatnot... Please no flames or judgement.

My son was born with kidney problems and had to be on continuous feeds throughout the night and some feeds during the day. I felt like we were never able to form a good breastfeeding bond because I was never his source of food. He has had a feeding tube since he was born, so that's the way he ate. I pumped for him up until he was a year. He was about 6 months old when I went to put him to the breast and he didn't want it.

: So, I kept pumping... I know I should have gone to LLL but I was so embarassed and had so many issues surrounding his condition... I still want to breastfeed - even if it's not for nutrition. I mean, I still have milk. Not a lot, but it never dried up.

I was reading in another thread about a mother whose babe had issues with the breast and she just holed herself up in her house and made it work. But her babe was really young - mine's 13 1/2 months. Can I ever make it work again? Is there a way? It's been almost 8 months since he breastfed. I've tried to put him to the breast and it upsets him. It makes me so sad. There are times that I want to have another baby so that I can have that breastfeeding bond that I wanted so badly before he was born. And I am kicking myself for not getting help sooner. Is there anything I can do so that he will nurse again? Even if it's not just for nutrition??

 

[corhorvath]

I don't have any insight. I just didn't want you to see people reading and not responding. You obviously have a lot of sadness in you regarding this and healing is what you're looking for; I just don't know what's best.

You really have nothing to be embarrassed about regarding your feelings about wanting to breastfeed your baby. It's your momma instincts wanting to feed your baby. Throughout your pregnancy you probably planned on it. You gave birth and worked so hard to pump for him. And, now that he's better, you want what you worked so hard for. I think talking with someone from LLL in person would be very helpful for you.

 

[KimProbable]

I'd like to second the advice to contact LLL. Often Leaders know a number of women who have faced difficult breastfeeding situations and they might be able to put you in contact with someone who has been in a similar situation. Besides getting some good advice, you might find some acceptance and comfort through talking to someone. A Leader is not there to judge you but to offer you support and information.

Good luck!

 

[Hheffley7637]

I'll back that up to. LLL has been an awesome support for me and they are very nonjudgemental! I love my leaders. They are so sweet and very helpful. I empathize. A similar situation happened to my neighbor and she just pumped for a year for her little one. She too was dissappointed. Her little girl is a beautiful thriving 3 year old now. Hang in there. And I breast feed my little boy and it's not all roses

. I've had many many problems! It can be very frustrating. Call your local LLL or Lac Cons and see. Mothers that adopt can breast feed those babies. Good luck. You are doing a great job no matter am guilty.

 

[Hheffley7637]

I was thinking about your situation while rocking my little one to sleep and a thought occured to me. At my LLL group they have a toddlers meeting once a month. Your little one is old enough to imitate others. If your son saw other toddlers nursing from their moms, he may very well try it out and see what it's all about. I know in our group there are several moms with toddlers of all ages that nurse. Maybe you could ask one of those moms if you could come to their house or vs and spend a couple days with them so your son would really see it often. He may be inquired to nurse! And I'm sure that the other mother (being a mom that breastfeeds toddlers) would be happy to support you. Maybe the LLL leader could connect you with someone

. Good luck!

 

[lunamegn]

Thank you all for your responses. After I wrote this I went to the Kellymom site and there was some great advice on there and I called the local LLL. I was in contact with them before my son was born because we did not anticipate him having any problems and they were all so very nice, so as of right now I'm waiting to here back from them. I don't know why I was so embarrassed or had issues with calling them before - wish I had done it earlier, but I'm still somewhat hopeful since I have not dried up. He shows interest in my breasts. He'll sort of play with my nipple and smile and then sometimes he opens him mouth to put it to my breast. I'll express a little milk for him to taste... I just wish I could get him to latch on again. But I'm gonna try some of the suggestions from the kelly mom site and then talk with the local LLL ladies.

Thanks again ladies! If anyone reading this has any more advice I'm all ears!!