Quick! he busted out some tile

Natural consequence is that you're sad. You feel despair at the thought of the extra work and expense, and you are Very Very Disappointed In Them. Tell them how you feel. Don't yell; use a sad solemn voice. Maybe even cry. Continue being sad for at least a full day, except for responding positively if they apologize or try to make reparations.

The other natural consequence is that they have to help you pay for and install new tile. Of course they don't have much (if any) money and aren't skilled enough literally to lay tile. They will help pay for it by giving up some things that you otherwise would have been able to buy them: When they ask for an ice cream cone, say, "We can't buy that because we had to spend money on the tiles." They will help you install the tile by doing whatever they can (I don't know your kids) such as lining up the tiles for you to put the cement on, putting the old tiles into a box for disposal, or keeping the baby occupied while you're busy.

: I'm so sorry this happened! Just when you thought you'd fixed up after that paint incident! I bet you want to smack THEM with a hammer!

That is a tough one! Ugh! I would be so angry if that happened here. I would most definitely get the 5 year old involved in the clean up and repair. I'm sure there is something he can do to help. Even if it is just helping to sweep or vacuum up the mess and measure for new tile. Maybe making them responsible for cleaning the tile everyday for a while. Maybe they could wipe it down with a damp rag to clean it. I don't think they are old enough to understand that there is money involved and it doesn't grow on trees. I would give a time out myself and have them help with clean up. But, I know you didn't ask that.

I would not pretend to feel sad for extended periods of time. Or pretend to cry or anything like that. I am not a game player when it comes to these things and that sounds like an emotional game to me.

Honestly, it sounds like you need to babyproof (or little boy proof - lol) more. Keep things behind locked doors or in a locked tool box. Locks with keys- lol. I know regular door locks don't keep my monkeys out of anything.

so, that did not go over well and now i feel like shit. ds1 (5) sliced his finger open helping pick up the tile . i bandaged it up good, told him that i was sorry he hurt himself and that it would not have happened if they had not done what they did. he started to scream and i felt even worse. so while i am getting all the cleaned up they climb on the back of the couch and AS I AM TELLING THEM TO GET DOWN ds2 (2.5) falls off and hits his head on the dinning room floor.

my house IS childproofed for the average run of the mill kids. everything is locked and put up. he drags things over and can BREAK things open with his herculean strength (he has pulled a door off the freakin hinges) and he can climb.

i am really really at the end of my rope. i did not sign on for this. i was a good kid and my brother was relativly good. i do not know how to deal with this. I know this is my fault I was too permissive and now that i am trying to get a handle on it....i think i screwed myself

Oh honey! Hugs hugs hugs and more hugs! It sounds like you are having one hell of a day.

I am going to speak freely here (type freely - lol) and I hope I don't offend you with anything I say. I am just trying to be helpful. I have two little boys too, so I know how energetic they can be.

First, I have times when I feel permissive too. Then, I have times when I feel too strict, so I don't really know where I fall. Nobody is a perfect parent though. Some parents are more permissive and it can work. You can still raise good kids. Some kids are more wild than others and the parent has to find ways to work with that.

One thing I am big on in my house is taking responsibility for one's actions. It kind of falls under the natural consequences thinking, but I think it is important for kids to understand that their actions have consequences. Sometimes taking responsibility is simply admitting that you did something and apologizing. Sometimes it goes beyond that to helping to rectify a situation.

Also, it sounds like your boys' screaming and crying really gets to you. Don't let them see that it rattles you. They KNOW they are getting to you. For intance, it was NOT your fault that your ds got cut on the tile. You couldn't foresee that, yet you told him you were sorry. Sorry for what? You didn't do it. I would maybe say "that looks like it hurts" or something like that so you are showing him empathy, but saying you are sorry implies to your child that you are responsible for it. He thinks - "how dare you make me clean up my mess" and screams to make you feel bad, then he is off the hook. Trust me, these kids are SMART and know they are getting to you.

Also with your boys climbing on the back of the couch, my dh and I discovered that we can't just tell our kids to stop something, especially the toddler, we need to physically redirect him. He simply does not listen to all the "stop climbing on the couch" no matter how many times we say it. We have to remove him, tell him "we don't climb on the couch" and if he gets up there again, we remove him again. 100 times if we have to.

If you are going to lay down some ground rules, I would start small. Have maybe 3 absolute, must follow rules that you redirect them from EACH and EVERY time they break them. Praise the heck out of them when they have a stretch of time where they have followed those three rules without error. Maybe start with some simple things, like they cannot touch the tools. Of course, the tools are kept way out of reach, so they will be able to follow this rule. Have one other easy to follow one and one that is maybe a little tougher. Tell them ahead of time what the consequences are for each thing. "If you touch my hammer, I will have you clean it and put it away." Whatever you decide on. Then, every time they break a rule, do exactly what you said you were going to do. Some kids need things spelled out. How could they know that they couldn't touch the hammer if you never told them?

They will cry and scream and find all kinds of ways to make you feel bad, but I bet that after a few weeks, things will calm down. Then you can introduce a few more age appropriate house rules. I don't see anything wrong with having 5-10 important house rules for your kids to follow. Kids NEED structure. They behave better with structure and rules. I'm not talking about a really super strict environment. Just a loose structure, so that they know what to expect. They know there are consequences to their actions, etc.

When I have things that I really need to get done and my boys are not letting me, I give them a small job to do. Even the toddler. He likes to swiffer the floor or "fold" towels. Anything. I find that it makes them feel included and helpful. My six year old really gets a sense of acomplishment from it. He is good at so many things and I think this is because we had him helping us from an early age. He helped me paint the computer room last week. He is quite good at it. My toddler "helped" too, by using a very lightly loaded paint brush. So try to give your kids things to do so they can have accomplishments and stuff to feel really proud of. Then, you can talk about how good of a painter ds is the next time you are on the phone with someone, where he can overhear you, of course - lol!

Maybe you do all of this stuff or maybe it doesn't appeal to you or doesn't fit in with your personality. The important thing is to find what works for you and your family and be consistent!

Good luck!

Hang in there Mama. When you are changing the rules and ways you deal with them things will actually get worse for a while. The old way isn't working anymore so they will try even harder to get it to work before they give up on it. It's like when your DVD player won't play a movie and you go back and push buttons over and over until you realize that it really won't work anymore and you stop pushing the buttons. Give it time. Be kind to yourself. It was not your fault your child got cut. You can not control if they cry or not, you can just control how you behave. Children do cry at times. It's okay to cry and since you are trying to do what is right it's not your fault they cried. Sometimes those emotions just have to come out.
My now 20yr old was like your boys. One morning I awoke to find that she had taken wood glue and spread it all over the living floor and the handmade wooden rocking horse my dad made and then she had taken Cedar chips we used for the bunny cage and spinkled them all over the glue. It happened early enough that by the time it was discovered I was chipping Cedar Chips off my floor and crying about the Rocking horse. That is just one thing that she did. I too blamed myself at times and got to the end of my rope many times. I can say now that she is grown we somehow managed to survive it and my other children were not nearly like that. Some kids are just more active and destuctive than others. By the way my 20 yr old is a very compassionate women. She laughs and empathizes with me about it now. It is so wonderful that you are trying so hard. You efforts are not wasted in time you will see a positive effect. Just hang in there.

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thank whoever!! ugh..i really REALLY thought i was all alone, that only my kids do that. me and my dad were talking about it and he said he did sorta the same stuff when he was little, but not on this scale. that he feels really lucky to have missed out on all of it, like he deserved it as payback or something.