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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
nak<br><br>
i am attending my sil's birth in a month... we are doing informal birthing type classes and tonight we go over the birth plan<br><br>
i realized we hadn't covered circ yet! what are some online resources that i could print to give them? it is something that is "just done" here, so this might be the first intro they have to reasons not to (other than my sons being intact)<br><br>
so, perhaps a place with stats on how it is getting less common, debunk uti myth, debunk infection myth, debunk easier to clean myth<br><br>
Thanks so much!<br><br>
ETA: I am just beside myself right now. My sil sent me a copy of their birth plan and they are circing if it is a boy <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/mecry.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="crying"><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/mecry.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="crying"><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/mecry.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="crying"><br><br>
They understand that there is no medical benefit and that it is only cultural. They understand that it is extremely painful and have asked to discuss anesthesia options with whomever is preforming it before the procedure.<br><br>
OMG... i thought it had them.<br><br>
Help, i have another childbirth ed session with them tomorrow. What can i say to get them to change their minds? My dh offered to help too (which is funny because he is not exactly an intactivist, but he sad he was always on my side <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/heartbeat.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="heartbeat">) I just don't think i can stomach being there with her knowing that they are going to do that after the baby is born <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/greensad.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="greensad"><br><br>
Oh, and they don't know if its a boy or a girl. So i am praying for a girl and that they can understand that protective love you get before there next baby.<br><br>
HELP!
 

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here's a link to printable pamphlets.<br><br><a href="http://www.nocirc.org/publish/" target="_blank">http://www.nocirc.org/publish/</a>
 

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This is probably too late for tonight but my favorite pamphlet of all is the top one on the page of pamphlets at <a href="http://www.coloradonocirc.org" target="_blank">www.coloradonocirc.org</a> -- it covers in one pamphlet what it takes NOCIRC 4 or 5 different pamphlets to cover. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/lol.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="lol">
 

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Discussion Starter · #4 ·
Thanks so much!<br><br>
I just got done meeting with them... i gave them a pamphlet and had them watch the circ video with the dr and the dad who was under the impression that anesthesia was given. They seemed very very squeamish, so i am hoping that it got them thinking.
 

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Discussion Starter · #5 ·
Update first post <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/mecry.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="crying">
 

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Does she plan on breastfeeding does she know circ can cause promblems with it? Do they realize that the anesthesia they use for circ is not very effective and the shot in itself hurts a lot (I had a labial tear w/ my first I can tell you the shot hurt like hell and did NOT numb me completely, it was still quite painful). What about pain after when he's peeing and pooping on an open wounds into a diaper. Do they know the functions of the foreskin? Do they all the compications?<br>
I hope they have a girl!!!!<br><br>
I will NEVER understand how people who know what circ is can still do it, it makes me sick.
 

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Frankly, I would not attend their birth -- and tell them why. That you see no reason to help SIL have a good birth and *avoid being cut unnecessarily in an episiotomy or a c-section* when they're not going to extend the same consideration to their son.<br><br>
Tell them that you feel they are doing exactly the same thing that parents in Africa do when they cut their babies' genitals -- except that your BIL/SIL have no excuse. They know there's no reason to do it and they're doing it anyway. It's just wrong, and you shouldn't have to play any part in their birth knowing the heartache it will bring you, as well as the pain and lifelong loss of sexual function it will bring your nephew.<br><br>
As a last shot -- can you print out the studies on sexual sensitivity and functioning and make them read them?<br><br>
And then tell them, loving parents -- and real men especially -- don't see any need to perform cosmetic surgery on their babies.
 

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Discussion Starter · #8 ·
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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>Sheacoby</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/8081635"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">Does she plan on breastfeeding does she know circ can cause promblems with it? Do they realize that the anesthesia they use for circ is not very effective and the shot in itself hurts a lot (I had a labial tear w/ my first I can tell you the shot hurt like hell and did NOT numb me completely, it was still quite painful). What about pain after when he's peeing and pooping on an open wounds into a diaper. Do they know the functions of the foreskin? Do they all the compications?<br>
I hope they have a girl!!!!<br><br>
I will NEVER understand how people who know what circ is can still do it, it makes me sick.</div>
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I am trying to think of how to discuss this with them further in an effective manner. I think there is still hope. I think there is just some sort of miscommunication or they don't understand quite how serious it is. I am just feeling so sick to my stomach right now, i am not quite sure how to approach it. I feel very zealously about it, but i want to convince them in a calm and effective way.
 

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No, I'd not attend the birth either, and let them know why. Why should you? It will upset you and is completely uncalled-for.<br><br>
They're going to cut up their son for no reason at all, just because they want to. It's sick, no wonder you feel ill about it.<br><br>
Your feelings count too, don't put yourself through it.
 

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What about the Mothering Magazine articles?<br><br>
A nice printable version of <a href="http://luckystiff.org/circumcision/information/The_Case_Against_Circumcision-6.pdf" target="_blank">The Case Against Circumcision</a>.<br><br>
There are other articles from Mothering here, too:<br><a href="http://mothering.com/articles/new_baby/circumcision/circumcision.html" target="_blank">http://mothering.com/articles/new_ba...cumcision.html</a><br><br>
Good luck,<br><br>
Jen
 

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Discussion Starter · #13 ·
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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>Papai</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/8082915"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">My guess that the ciced husband is the motivator behind the decision.</div>
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THis is my guess too.<br><br>
I am not willing to give up yet.<br><br>
I have them tomorrow. Should i discuss my concerns with the both of them or should i talk to her separately? I have known her since she was fourteen and i feel like i can be straight with her. But i also have the aid of my husband if i talk to them together.
 

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<div style="margin:20px;margin-top:5px;">
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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>milkydoula</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/8082973"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">THis is my guess too.<br><br>
I am not willing to give up yet.<br><br>
I have them tomorrow. Should i discuss my concerns with the both of them or should i talk to her separately? I have known her since she was fourteen and i feel like i can be straight with her. But i also have the aid of my husband if i talk to them together.</div>
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I say that you talk to her seperately AND to them together... maybe give her the Vulnerability of Men article to read on her own before talking to them together if the timing would work out for that.<br><br>
love and peace. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/love.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="love">
 

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Good luck! I am so sorry you have to deal with this. I know the feeling of dread too well. I think you have gotten good suggestions here. I would try with your dh, see what their reason is and then work with that.
 

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<div style="margin:20px;margin-top:5px;">
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<table border="0" cellpadding="6" cellspacing="0" width="99%"><tr><td class="alt2" style="border:1px inset;">I just don't think i can stomach being there with her knowing that they are going to do that after the baby is born</td>
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Same. Especially if she's trying to avoid genital cutting on herself.
 

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>Fi.</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/8085066"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">Same. Especially if she's trying to avoid genital cutting on herself.</div>
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This would be an excellent way to present it to her. As her why she is trying to avoid it on herself but not her baby.
 

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As an intactivist doula, you will not be able to help the Mom be calm and peaceful in labor to your best ability if you know they are going to circ. And since it is a family member, they will not be leaving your life after the baby is born, making it much harder for you. I think most intactivist doulas refuse to work with Moms that plan on MGM ...<br><br>
Can your DH talk to the husband, and explain about infant bonding, breast feeding, and a peaceful start to life? And how it is the husband's job to protect the baby from some cut-happy overzealous medical residents who want to practice surgery on his child. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/greensad.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="greensad">
 

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<div style="margin:20px;margin-top:5px;">
<div class="smallfont" style="margin-bottom:2px;">Quote:</div>
<table border="0" cellpadding="6" cellspacing="0" width="99%"><tr><td class="alt2" style="border:1px inset;">
<div>Originally Posted by <strong>milkydoula</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/8082973"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">THis is my guess too.<br><br>
I am not willing to give up yet.<br><br>
I have them tomorrow. Should i discuss my concerns with the both of them or should i talk to her separately? I have known her since she was fourteen and i feel like i can be straight with her. But i also have the aid of my husband if i talk to them together.</div>
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milkydoula, I don't mean to sound crude but time won't allow gentleness. circumcision is also called Penal reduction surgery, A dramatic presentation of what is lost is to cut an index card size piece from a normal blank paper and add a second blank page to show them the difference. This is what is lost when he becomes an adult.
 

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And yes, people who know the facts and still do that ARE child abusers. Have you told them the history of circ (prevention of masturbation) since foreskin is the most sensitive part of the penis? That the glans get dry (no sex or masturbation without lubricant), tight or painful erections (or hair on the shaft) as a very possible complications, 10% chances of adhesions and etc. have you told them all of it? if so, the are sexual child abusers, so I'd treat them as such! period.<br>
yulia.
 
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