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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Just spent the last hour being told that DSs rages (PDD or aspie with SID) are all "choice" and "no, DONPT homeschool your kid he NEEDS the other kids! How do you all handle all of the "medical" oppinions out there when trying to find help for your kiddo?<br>
Thanks,<br>
Michele
 

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Well, I very much rely on my instincts. Sometimes they are wrong but more often right. For certain things (like my son needs to be in preschool for socialization) well, it just doesn't even phase me because I simply know it isn't true for him. Where it gets harder is when I am genuinely unsure myself. But I still trust that when I hear the right piece of information or advice I'll know it. And if I later find out I was wrong...well, I know I was doing my best to make a good decision for him. No parent is perfect.<br><br>
But I'm pretty unaffected by pressure like you describe or information (like the meltdowns are in his control) that is so clearly off. Where it gets harder here are things when I'm unsure myself.<br><br>
Hey--you're in Southern Indiana! So am I! It would be pretty funny if we were getting this input from the same person! I've heard both those things.
 

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Discussion Starter · #3 ·
Hey there! We're in Madison. Are you okay with posting what part of So. In you're in?<br>
Thanks for the reply!<br>
Michele<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/orngbiggrin.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="orange big grin">
 

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My son is bipolar and I KNOW his rages are not choice. When his medication levels are stable he does not have rages. Just don't take to heart any advice that you know isn't right for your family. I have homeschooled up to this point and felt it was what my son needed at the time. Now the kids are going to Christian school in September and I feel that is what is best for them now. I had tons of people telling me to put him in school but I don't go to doctor's for advice on my schooling situation. Do what works best for you and your family.
 

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depending upon his age and the reason for his rages there may be a choice but not as a very young child. my husband is bipolar. he has rages sometimes. he hit me a few times. when i made it clear that his family would leave him if it continued the hitting stopped. the yelling slowed soon after. the difference is that he is a grown man and after years of living with his condition he has learned to "feel it coming on". he knows when to take a little kava kava and excuse himself to his computer or the game store. he knows when he has to dig his nails into his palms and take a time out. so i guess he still rages but he's LEARNED how to do it alone and without harming others or our house. i think that's the goal. not one that a small child could ever be expected to achieve. no matter the dx no very young child has the well developed impulse control required to plan for a response to these things and implement it. it's very cruel of people to insist that a child can and i think it's also kind of crappy to just assume that it's useless to gently begin working on skills that will one day make for more options in how to deal when things spin out of control.
 

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Another Hoosier here…<br>
The advice from pp’s is great and I’m hoping I will know what is best when these schooling decisions need to be made.<br><br>
I haven’t heard it from a medical professional, but today I was told (by the coordinator at a four-day two-hour camp) that my daughter needs to change and if not ‘Good luck finding a school that will deal with that behavior.’ (No rages and no formal dx. According to the behavioral Psychologist possibly Aspergers but might just be a quirky perfectionist w/sensory issues. The issues today were…her need to be perfect makes tasks take longer, she will not stop one task and move on until the first is completed, she wouldn’t follow the rules wanting to create her artwork her own way – result…a huge meltdown. They ended up allowing her to sit at a table doing her own thing.)
 

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<div style="font-style:italic;">Hey there! We're in Madison. Are you okay with posting what part of So. In you're in?<br>
Thanks for the reply!<br>
Michele<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/orngbiggrin.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="orange big grin"></div>
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Michelle,<br>
Hi! We're just outside of Seymour. Madison is beautiful! We used to go there at least a couple of times a year (pre-twins).
 

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omg, I hate that. I hear that implied a lot, but I don't think anyone has come right out and said it, though. I've been feeling really down lately about ds rage issues and impulse control. I'm feeling kind of pressured to do things with him that I feel he's not up to. For instance it's summer and kids want to play together more. He doesn't need to play with kids because he does it every day (I do childcare in my home) but he has friends that he doesn't see often. While he loves to play with his friends it often (if not always) ends in him feeling out of control to one degree or another. and even the most supportive and understanding people are starting to say/imply that I ought to be handling it better, or that he's just a mean kid. It really sucks.<br><br>
but, umm, my point is that you shouldn't second guess yourself. your child doesn't need to be with other kids all that often and when he's with them it doesn't need to be peers. Trust your instincts.
 

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<div style="font-style:italic;">While he loves to play with his friends it often (if not always) ends in him feeling out of control to one degree or another. and even the most supportive and understanding people are starting to say/imply that I ought to be handling it better, or that he's just a mean kid. It really sucks.</div>
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I have the exact same problem and while I'm sorry you're going through this, can I just say it makes me feel so much better to know I'm not alone here <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile"><br><br>
I have some supportive friends but most of them just dont get N. They see him play fine for a while at the playground and tell me "Oh, N is doing so good today."......Yeah, they dont see when we get to the car or get home and he MELTS because someone on the playground looked at him weird or said something that N took as an insult....<br>
OR....<br><br>
When he does melt in public and winds up telling people he hates them and they are stupid.....and I just calmly try to talk to him.....people and friends look at me and I can read their minds.....they are thinking "Well no wonder N is out of control......she's not disciplining him.....if MY child did that, I would xy or z to him and that would stop him for sure"<br><br>
good times!!! <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/irked.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="irked">:
 

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Just because a Baseball player is capable of hitting a homerun, doesn't mean when he has a strikeout it is intentional.<br><br>
I am out of my domain making sports analogies, but I have used this exact one with a friend who was complaining about tantrums when he KNOWS his daughter can _control_ it.
 

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>ShaggyDaddy</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/11559740"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">Just because a Baseball player is capable of hitting a homerun, doesn't mean when he has a strikeout it is intentional.<br><br>
I am out of my domain making sports analogies, but I have used this exact one with a friend who was complaining about tantrums when he KNOWS his daughter can _control_ it.</div>
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You ROCK!!!!! <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/thumb.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="thumbs up"><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/joy.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="joy">:
 

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Rages R Us. People have told us to put the kid in school. Not right for our situation right now for many, many reasons.<br>
Sometimes it takes me a couple weeks to regain my confidence in our VERY well thought out decisions regarding DS.<br>
thanks for this thread!
 

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Totally trust your own instincts, you know your kid best.<br><br>
In DD's case, rages are more likely when she is in situations that are beyond her, at least at that moment.<br><br>
We got some help and insight from the book The Explosive Child. He's an expert on kids with rage issues and he doesn't portray it as a "choice" whatsoever.<br><br>
Love the baseball analogy.
 

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I took YoungSon out of school until he asked (demanded, really) to go back. 5th grade, in our case. He is ready, willing and able to do it now; he wasn't earlier. BigGirl (DD13, rarely mentioned here) is still home because this is what she prefers. She has some fairly major social phobias, and I am always hearing that she needs to be pushed to be in group activities, but I know the ulcers she got at 8 from school were no more "intentional" than YoungSon's meltdowns.<br><br>
Imagine what a rage episode feels like. Would you choose that for any reason?
 
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